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<blockquote data-quote="mythago" data-source="post: 1854781" data-attributes="member: 3019">Firelance - The Gnomish Word for Word&nbsp;&nbsp;Great ideas, cool plot twist. I wish the execution had been a little smoother.&nbsp;&nbsp;The picture use was also quite nice. The sign was particularly oddball, but it's not the weak point; that was the bridge, where the villain conveniently lured the hero. (Surely there is an easier way?) The dialogue in the story was a big problem, and unfortunately when dialogue suffers, plot and characterization do too. We're often told things rather than being shown them (i.e. hearing them through the characters). There are a lot of awkward phrasings, like repeating &quot;Quill of Aureon&quot; over and over in the first couple of paragraphs--you really only needed to mention it once, and then if you say &quot;the Quill&quot; we surely know which one you mean. &nbsp;&nbsp;The trick with the monotonous voice protecting from an evil spell was a nice touch. So was the bit about &quot;That's a mirror of opposition!...er, or not.&quot; But, again, the prose used to describe these things often came off awkwardly. The fight read more like an account of a story hour than a suspenseful narrative.&nbsp;&nbsp;With reworking I can see this really being a first-rate story.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="mythago, post: 1854781, member: 3019"] [b]Firelance - The Gnomish Word for Word[/b] Great ideas, cool plot twist. I wish the execution had been a little smoother. The picture use was also quite nice. The sign was particularly oddball, but it's not the weak point; that was the bridge, where the villain conveniently lured the hero. (Surely there is an easier way?) The dialogue in the story was a big problem, and unfortunately when dialogue suffers, plot and characterization do too. We're often told things rather than being shown them (i.e. hearing them through the characters). There are a lot of awkward phrasings, like repeating "Quill of Aureon" over and over in the first couple of paragraphs--you really only needed to mention it once, and then if you say "the Quill" we surely know which one you mean. The trick with the monotonous voice protecting from an evil spell was a nice touch. So was the bit about "That's a mirror of opposition!...er, or not." But, again, the prose used to describe these things often came off awkwardly. The fight read more like an account of a story hour than a suspenseful narrative. With reworking I can see this really being a first-rate story. [/QUOTE]

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