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Message: <blockquote data-quote="mythago" data-source="post: 1877774" data-attributes="member: 3019">Berandor       RangerWickett: "The Two Winds"  A very strong story. I enjoyed the mythical touch it had, with a storm  demon bound to carry a monastery aloft, students learning to harness  the winds, ... Your style fits these tyypes of stories very well; it is   elaborate, but I like it. There are small details in your descriptions  that really enhance the story, such as the demon describing a  "wonderfully cruel mage", or fields that "rustled with wild freedom".  Of course, some of these details point us to the fact that Pilus and  Lsi Pu are one and the same, like Lsi Pu's temples graying (a very  small detail that makes sense only as reminder why he seeks eternal  life), or when Lsi Nu Gon hopes his brother's riddle is not "another  anagram". Or when Lsi Nu Gon is distraught and quiet, and Lsi Pu is  normally quiet, telling us subtly (?) that Lsi Pu is not distraught.  Serving the spirit as a meal is almost a classic in mythical tales,  isn't it? It's still a great display of evil, however. And when Lsi Pu  smilingly eats another slice of bread, all the slowly intensifying  hints have reached their climax: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this guy is  eeevil! (And dying by having one's breath pulled from the lungs - how  cool is that, and how thematically appropriate? Great!).   However, the climax is also the moment you start to lose me. At first,  it's "'Lsi Pu, why?' - ‘I always gave you puzzles, brother... Anyway,  I'll use Pilus now.  It's (...) sufficient.'" Way to go non  sequitur here, or did I miss something? Just what is Pilus  sufficient for, and just why does he bring that up there? I feel you  just wanted to show us that Lsi Pu accepts his deeds and truly is  Pilus, and not somehow dominated or something similar.  But it gets worse after Pilus is killed.  "Then understanding took [Lsi Nu Gon], and he collapsed,..."  Understanding about what? That he killed his brother, the murderer?  And when Pilus is awakened by the Two Winds, we have this exchange:  "Brother, (...) I tried to kill you. (...) The demon, it-" - "It lied  to you. (...) It deceived us, played upon our fears." Huh? Or, better,  WTF? I mean, Lsi Pu did all the talking, not the demon. And which  fears, aside from losing ones mentors and friends and eating ones  lover, can be still played upon and have been played upon? So suddenly,  Lsi Nu Gon is Pilus' lapdog, and I totally don't buy it. I'm not saying  it doesn't match the genre, as a lot of Wuxia flicks tend to lose me to  similarly confusing character development, but I still don't buy it.  That said, the final paragraph is a very cool ending in my book.   Rodrigo Istalindir: "Mind over Matter"  Prague. The Golden  City. Have you ever been there, Rodrigo? It's  beautiful. But there's a certain danger in using a real-world place,  too (see "pics").  Still, your opening paragraph kicks major booty. How Prague's body  hadn't been broken, but it's spirit been crushed, the "gaunt look of a  terminally ill patient" - absolutely wonderful. It drags me in, it  gives me something to gnash my teeth on, and it tells me that I'm about  to read a classical dark cold-war story. Then you drop the hint about  Kennedy's death, and intrigue me. And finally, you tell me about the  habits "he was too old to break", and I'm in the story, I know what  kind of story to expect (grizzled veteran in grim surroundings versus  old and new foes), if not the exact plot.  You really deliver the goods here. I would have Anders to be even more  cynical, but the details of the Party Market, the State Opera (what a  wonderful building, btw) and the KGB "travel coordinator" - it's all  very realistic and exactly like we want it to be - corrupt.  I particularly enjoyed the false friendliness Anders and Valya adopt in  their first conversation, with well-put exaggerations like "How wonderful for you." I could imagine these two just watching each other  for a slip, a tiny mistake.  The assassination attempt on Anders was a little confusing to me,  however. After reading the whole story, when Gregory later says "I am  under strict orders not to kill you." (emphasis mine), I wonder  why then did he try to kill him? Did Valya simply order the  assassination because she wanted no loose ends, or because of personal  enmity, and after she discovered Anders for a traitor she reconsidered?  Or What?  (Oh, and if "the strength and clarity of the visions were proportional  to how far in the future the events occur", then the further away, the  clearer the visions would be, at least how I understand the concept.)  As with RangerWickett's story, your ending didn't answer all my  questions. First of all, when Anders enters the top floor, he notices  "several guards". What happens to them? Don't they get suspicious when  Gregory suddenly slumps over, or when the elevator crahes? And is  Anders mentally capable of killing all of them quickly after his  strenuous activities before? (It's just a small nagging, but it's a  nagging, nonetheless)  What's actually more important to me is how Anders could so easily kill  Alexei. Perhaps he considered a stuck elevator as normal for Prague (as  it just might be), but Valya looks "terrified". Then, the comparably  weak Anders holds down the "stop" button, slices the cables and  releases the safety while the strong TK Alexei does - nothing? Doesn't  he try to carry the elevator, or if the car is too heavy for him, to  suspend himself in the air before the crash, or perhaps even to open  the ground floor doors to jump to safety when the car rushes past?  Whatever he does or doesn't do, I'd like to know. The way it is, I  think Alexei has a cheap demise. He deserves better.  The ending is suitably cool, however. And I hope you don't mind that I  picture <a href="http://[url="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000872/"" target="_blank">http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000872/</a>]Patrick Bachau[/url]  as Anders.   The Pics  inthedark  - Rodrigo Istalindir, this is the  <a href="http://[url="http://www.ph-ludwigsburg.de/mathematik/rz/personal/ostertag/"" target="_blank">http://www.ph-ludwigsburg.de/mathematik/rz/personal/ostertag/</a> privat/Bilder/Prag02/Bilder/karlsbruecke.jpg]Charles[/url]  <a href="http://[url="http://www.groscurth.com/archives/karlsbruecke.jpg"" target="_blank">http://www.groscurth.com/archives/karlsbruecke.jpg</a>]Bridge[/url].  Not some measly wooden excuse for a bridge (sorry). You should have  chosen a ficticious bridge, perhaps because the Charles  Bridge is still  crowded at night. Anyway, your bridge is the meeting point of Anders  and "the agent", the point where Anders is reactivated and the story  starts for real.  - RangerWickett's bridge also starts the story, as this is where  shamans can't see to and where Pilus questions and, ultimately, frees  Doh Wma Sy.   Thickly  - RangerWickett has the butterflies coalesce into a young woman who can  only take the shapes of  those creatures nearby (even if she gains a  Seren complexion). This woman is a red herring for the reader, as she's  not Pilus in disguise, and also a potential lover/teacher for Pilus,  whether she wants to or not.  - Rodrigo Istalindir uses the pic as a sign of decadence and wealth.  Plus, here Alexei demonstrates his finely-tuned abilities by first  crushing one, then killing all the other butterflies in the hollow  window (inadvertendly teaching Anders how to kill Alexei, himself).   This is when Anders realizes just how good Alexei has become.   feast  - Rodrigo Istalindir's feast occurs when Valya meets up with an  American mole at the Party Market. Anders watches as breads are broken  and exchanged. In a way, these breads are also a sign of decadence and  the overabundance of the few in contrast to the shortage of the many.  - RangerWickett's feast is a table full of breads that are cheerfully  eaten by Pilus but not his brother. The breads have been made from Lsi  Nu Gon's lover, the grain spirit Kya Besh Ko, or as the demon phrases  it, she has "provided this bounty". It's what finally sends Lsi Nu Gon  over the edge and enable Pilus to attain immortality.   leap  - RangerWickett gives us two fighting brothers, a fight that will be  echoed later on when Lsi Nu Gon kills Lsi Pu. Here, the two wear...  "traditional" sparring clothing while using the winds to fly.  - Rodrigo Istalindir shows us Alexei and an unknown partner, star  dancers in the Bolshoi ballet, dancing a routine that is enhanced by  Alexei's powerful telekinetic abilities. This is when Anders realizes  that yes, Alexei would be powerful enough to kill at a distance.   buttons  - Rodrigo Istalindir's buttons come and go quickly, as Alexei presses  them to descend, and then  Anders uses his power to stop the elevator  before killing Alexei and Valya. It's almost as if there's not even a  link to the pics in the story <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />  - RangerWickket's buttons are one of Lsi Pu's riddles, a number riddle  that is almost solved by his brother. Like other riddles, we don't get  the answer to it. I like the fact that the riddle isn't explained to  us, but since it concerns a pic, this also means that the pic is fast  forgotten save as a reminder that Lsi Pu likes riddles and anagrams.   The Judgement  It's getting harder and harder for me to eliminate one of you. I  consider both stories to be very strong entries, fairly accomplished  tales despite the short time frame. Both stories really captured my  imagination, even if both stories have some smaller problems.  If there is a slight advantage in pic use, it's on RangerWickett's  behalf, but it's an advantage that is one pic at most. On the other  hand, while I noticed the hiccups in Rodrigo's story, I kept on  reading, whereas the ending in "The Two Winds" really made me stop  reading and shake my head confusedly.  In the end, I was too put off by the brother's reconciliation.  [sblock]POINT TO RODRIGO ISTALINDIR[/sblock]       Berandor   Wow finally different stories from similar pictures.     RangerWickett vs. Rodrigo Istalindir       Rodrigo, psi-forces, spies, rusian intrigue, and assasins. Rangerwickett,  flying monks, betrail, and a cooked up spirit.       Both fantastic stories, congrats, but my point goes to Rangerwickett, that ending just rocked.       Mythago   It was a tough set of pictures, and you both rose to the occasion wonderfully. Yowza.     RangerWickett – “The Two Winds”   As soon as Pilus learns the secret of the Two Winds, we know where this is going…however, we don’t know *how* it’s going to get there. There are plenty of hints (the reference to anagrams, the obvious tension over Kya Besh Ko, Lsi Pu’s sudden interest in the butterfly woman) but nothing that hits us over the head. Nice. Though speaking of the butterfly woman, her speech was a little uneven and I wasn’t quite sure what she was doing there.     I was a little taken aback at Lsi Nu Gon’s sudden change of heart at the end; not his regret at killing his brother, but his eagerness to forgive and accept the explanation about the demon. We get the sense, during the brothers’ duel, that there is tension and not a little anger on both sides of that relationship. For Lsi Nu Gon to suddenly decide that Lsi Pu is OK and to conveniently forget about *eating* his lover is, well, a little convenient. But the end is bang-up.       Rodrigo Istalindir – “Mind over Matter”   The first paragraph out-and-out rocks. We get the setting, the central character, a sense of when this is happening, all without a lot of exposition. And I loved the rest of the opening as well, with the old ex-spy in his rut, reading the newspapers and finding what he did want and now, perhaps, didn’t really want to happen after all. (Though I would nix the thought “Probably because they never expected any of us to live past thirty.” His observation that they were never told how to be old spies is beautiful on its own.)     The story stumbles a bit on the flashback. It makes sense here for Anders to think about what happened before, but it’s given as expository, fill-in for the reader. Actually *showing* us the scene in the theater, with some dialogue even, rather than simply “Here’s what happened, now back to the bridge” would have made the story richer.     And a small bump – when Anders talks to Valya they use each others names over and over again. People don’t do that in real life unless they’re trying to make some kind of point by doing it. Since the two of them are pretending nicey-nicey, they wouldn’t be doing that, and it comes across as a crude device to tell us who’s talking. Not necessary; the back-and-forth is obvious.     The ending was fantastic but puzzling—isn’t Anders a precog? If Alexei is trying to tell Anders that anybody could do what he did, anyone with powers could use TK, that should be a lot clearer.     This was enormously tough, with two great stories. However, [spoiler]I gave my vote to Rodrigo Istalindir because the central character was so much more engaging; we admire and cheer for old Anders vs. coolly admiring Lsi Pu’s clever villainy.[/spoiler]     [spoiler]Rodrigo Istalindir[/spoiler] 2-1 and goes to Round 3.</blockquote>

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