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Message: <blockquote data-quote="takyris" data-source="post: 358874" data-attributes="member: 5171">Okay, the thread has gone on long enough, you're obviously in need of modern dating advice.Step One: Get her to your place.  My advice is to kidnap her father.  Girls really like this.  You kidnap the father, you throw him in the basement, and eventually she heads over to your place to find him -- probably coming after the cell phone trace or something.  If she calls the cops instead, you know that she was probably too uptight.Step Two: Get her to stay. A tried and true method is to talk about how her father is soooo gonna die come winter in that basement, unless she agrees to take his place.   She agrees, and you order a room prepared for her, with her to be surrounded in luxury as long as she never looks at your masked or shadowed face.  Right there, you've set up mystery, you're showing a bit of wealth but nothing flashy, and you've gotten rid of dad -- 'cause you don't want Dad around while you're macking on the babe.Step Three: Turn on the charm. This is the point where your natural charm, along with the natural mystery of never letting her see your face and stuff, really works for you.  She's getting curious, you've slowly opened up and shown her that you can be kind... It also helps if you have a talking candelabra.  Women just go nuts over talking candelabras.  Since she's gonna start trying to see what you look like, I recommend a big black silk veil or something else that's sort of sexy and mysterious but not quite over the line into Friend of Dorothy territory.Step Four: Let her go.  This one is counterintuitive.  You go, "Oh, dude, your father needs you, you should go," and you let her leave, and you sigh and be all melodramatic.  If you had surreptitiously taken tissue samples from her while she slept to clone a race of slave women, you can also show that to her and then turn it off, telling her you respect her too much as a person to create a bunch of her-shaped slaves.  So yeah, let her go.  And don't even put a surreptitious tracer in the medallion you give her to remember you by.Step Five: She comes back.  They always do.  They're getting hit on by some neo-pagan at Starbucks who's talking about aura reading and whales, and she starts thinking, "Dang, that guy with the veil and the candelabra who held me prisoner for a few months is starting to seem pretty good.  And that time when we did the dance number in formal wear while Angela Lansbury sang in the background, that was kinda cool."  She comes back, she unmasks you, she sees that you're not horrible-looking, you're just a thin guy with a pale face from too much gaming and not enough outdoor team sports, and possibly a little acne, but come on, everyone's got a LITTLE acne.Step Five(a): Ideally, this is the part where the mob her father has raised comes and attacks you.  Your talking candelabra and his buddies should beat them off with no trouble, but if you're REALLY lucky, some big jock who also had a crush on her will attack you, and you can kick his butt by pelting him with corn starch packets and shouting "Lightning bolt, lightning bolt, lightning bolt!"  And then she'll save you right as he's about to kill you from behind, and he'll be gone, and you'll be together, and possibly magic fairies will make beams of light shoot out of your hands and turn you much more handsome.  Not always, but sometimes.Hope this helps.-TackyPS: If any of that doesn't work, well, you didn't really turn off ALL of the female-slave-clone machines, did you?</blockquote>

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