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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Forrester" data-source="post: 834442" data-attributes="member: 1279">Session the next . . .Hello all, and welcome back to the Wide World of Melee. Today we’re taking you deep inside a Hellmouth to see a battle between Some Guys You know, we really need to find a name for these guys, Seer.. . . and a quartet of grells. I know, doesn’t sound like much, but remember, this is just a little warm-up battle before we take you out to Sivenni and a tremendous contest between Master Roshi and Mistress Seetha and some epic-level drow that are up to no good. That’s going to be one helluva battle, Seer. As you know, Mas-I’m sorry, were you saying something, Erk?  Yes, it’s Seer Hawkwind here, along with former three-time middleweight champion of the Dwarrowdelver Clan Weaponsmithing Company Invitational Gladiatorial Challenge, Erk Stronginthearm. Um . . . yes, I think this promises to be a great day. Mostly because of the Roshi/Seetha battle, of course, though I think this could be an interesting warm-up for our audience. Nothing like a good solid squash of aberrant evil to make one feel all warm and squishy inside. Well, nothing except a TPK. Kind of depends on the audience, doesn’t it, Erk? And the combatants . . . and as you know from AC’s color commentary last week, the fanbase of the pig-races is less than huge. Well, they do smell extremely bad, and it’s commonly understood that they’re often, if not usually, evil to the bone, Seer. You know, “putrid humanoid scum” and all that. True enough, true enough. That being said, we try to be unbiased here, and hell, even I have to admit that team Putrid Humanoid ScumYou’re welcome.. . . has earned a little respect. Given their success against Mikek last battle, and the fact that we’ve got some time to fill up, let’s cut to Cylicorian down on the field. Cylic, what can you tell us about this little crew? I can smell them from here. And I’m ethereal. Yes, well, that’s why we pay you the big bucks, Cylic. That, and the brains. Mmmmm . . . brains. You know, Seer, one day, one of my kind will consume the brain that will contain that last little bit of information, that last shred of knowledge that will allow us to finally and once and for all destroy the Sun. Yes, Cylic, we can all see you’re an illithid from here. Enough with the editorializing – what can you tell us about the recent travails of team PHS? Sssssssssthththttthhhh. One day I shall suck your grey matter from your skull, human. Until then, though . . .  Well, these guys – team Putrid Humanoid Scum, as you call them, have been partying hard. As you know they wiped the floor with Mikek and his little crew just yesterday, and damn was Mikek loaded. PHS was a little bit low on cash – hell, any 9th level elf from the surface carried as many goodies on them as the whole lot of them did put together – but the reduction of Mikek to a fine, black crust changed all that. Yeah, they beat Mikek like . . . Hey, I’m talking here. You can make your amusing little observations and throw out your pathetic banter when I’m done, brainfood.Mikek and his crew were practically dripping with magic. We’re talking +3 short sword, +3 mithril chain, +2 mithril chain, +3 ring of protection, over a 100 +1 arrows, almost a dozen +3 arrows, a periapt of +2 Dex/Con, 20+ potions, and of course, two especially marvelous finds: a +2 mighty composite shortbow by the name of Surestrike, and a sack of sympathetic magic supplies that the Aunties were waiting for worth well over 50,000gp.  That’s a helluva take for a bunch of goblins and friends of goblins.   What’s amusing is that the pig-scum actually had no idea how much the sack of supplies was worth. They just handed it over to Auntie Annie without so much as a second though. Idiots. Their brains are barely worth eating. In any case, they’ve split up the goodies, geared up, and ventured into the Hellmouth . . . apparently, they’re looking for a tribe of Athatch. Back to you, Seer, Erk.  Thanks Cylicorian. And now for some info on who and where these guys will be fighting. Erk? Thanks, Seer. What this team is going to be facing is a group of slightly above-par grells. As you all know, your standard grell has 5HD, 32hp, and is an improved-grabbing machine given its ten tentacles. That’s a DC14 save against paralysis on a hit, incidentally. Intimidating, but it’s relatively crappy AC of 17 means that it’s pretty easy to drop with a couple good hits, making it a CR3 creature at best. Of course, these guys will be fighting in the Hellmouth, and as we all know, nothing’s typical there. These grells are bigger and meaner than usual; they’re still medium-sized, but they’re 8HD, have 65hp each, and do a little more damage per swing. Our labs put them at between CR5 and CR6. Let’s face it – a couple good fireballs from that orcish gun of theirs, Moroku, and these grells are meat on a stick. I think you might be overstating the case here, Erk. At least, I hope you are, given how much time we’ve got to fill up here. It seems to me that if one of those grells started a round within melee distance of that team, they might lose three or four members at once. Yeah, but they’d have to be pretty stupid to bunch up like that, Seer, and I think we saw in that last battle that we’re dealing with a pretty sharp group of scum here. Fair enough, fair enough. Let’s go down to the battlefield. Our sponsor today, God-That-Sucked Healing wands, has graciously supplied the ethereal True Seeing cameras for viewing today’s events. Today’s battle will take place in an Underdark passage about 20’ wide and 20’ high. No natural illumination. Looks like the party is clustered together as they’re walking down the passage. Yeah, they’re in Fireball formation all right. But I think I see a dark smudge on the camera, about 30’ ahead of the group . . . definitely that Krikara we’ve heard so little about. And speaking of the group, is that a . . . mongrelman in the front of the cluster, next to Rhuun? He looks like Gollum with tusks. Ewwwww. You’re absolutely right, Erk. Looks like they’ve got a mongrelman guide. And given the fond looks he’s giving heretical little blue guy floating in mid-air, I’d guess that maybe, just maybe, he’s a Cohort. Yeah, looks like someone just hit 9th level all right. Leave it to a xvart to pick a mindless secular humanoidist bootlick over someone who is actually competent. My notes here say that this mongrelman, Ib, is a 6th level ranger. Who in the hell takes more than one level of ranger? Christ on a cracker, Seer, talk about your f***-ups. Watch your language, Erk, this is a family broadcast. I have to agree with you though . . . but no time to debate that now, here come the grells. And yes . . . I can just make it out . . . the dark smudge sees them, they don’t see her, and she’s run back to alert the party about the big brains. And yes, the grells hear the whispering, and here they come. INITIATIVE! Boom! And that’s the beginning of the end, Erk. I think that Thar only saw two of those grells, but he just hit all four of them with a very nicely placed Flamestrike. That’s going to leave a mark . . . looks to me like only one of them saved. The others got hit for a big chunk, and they’re nearly down to 50%. And here comes an arrow from the Smudge. Ouch, that had to hurt. That grell is on its last . . . tentacles, and yes, here comes the overkill from the little blue guy. That Bolt of Conjuring was more than enough to do the 1hp of damage necessary to finish off that leading grell. That’s one down, and three to go. Odd that the group isn’t breaking up a little more, though. They’re still clustered together something fierce. How exactly do you cluster “fiercely”, Erk? I mean, you’re the color commentator here, but . . . “fierce”? Shut up, Seer. And pay attention – here come the grells.  Two of them are charging in . . . and yes, they’re going after the two forces that have hurt them the most this battle. Grells may be smart (Int 10 on average), but they don’t seem to understand the concept of 3E initiative. Rather than go after those who have yet to move this round, they’re attacking those who have already attacked.And HIT! Thar’s AC of 21 is not bad, but the Grell’s +9 to hit and +2 to charge is enough to mow through it. And . . . oooh, that’s not good. Thar’s stiff as a board. That famous Grell paralyzing poison seems to have set in something good, and Thar has just been sucked up into the Grell’s firm yet gentle grasp. He’s going to be paralyzed for four rounds. If by gentle you mean harsh, violent, and deadly. It’s color commentary, deal.And why four rounds? Why not d4? d6? No, Seer, four rounds. Just . . . four rounds. Why not 2d4?Shut up. His healthier bro is moving in on Foleful. And he HITS! Foleful has just made his save, but given his small size and 4 strength he’s no match for the grell’s grapple. Ouch. That’s one two down (and one paralyzed) and five to go. Foleful’s familiar is standing back, not even making a move. Nothing worse than a cowardly familiar. And the goblin bard has just cast Suggestion – something about it being a Good Idea if the grell would drop Thar. Atarax is as persuasive a goblin as I’ve ever seen, but you know those Aberrations – excellent will saves. Still, my math suggests that that grell has only a 1-in-3 chance of making this save. I think you jinxed him. Either that, or these grell don’t speak Undercommon. Wouldn’t that be a bitch? Bip fires at the grell holding Foleful, and hits for a smidge. Rhuun is next, drops her tasty tasty +3 short sword, and draws the bow that Thar insisted Rhuun was hardly ever going to use. She shoots . . . and hits Thar. That’s going to leave a mark. Nothing quite like taking a feat to take damage. This is why goblins don’t rule the world, Seer. It’s Grell time, and the remaining grell doesn’t recognize that Moroku is very, very clearly the biggest threat remaining. So he moves towards Rhuun, and, damn, hits! If I didn’t know better I’d say that the Big Guy running this thing was tilting things a little bit towards the lucky side for the grells. Rhuun makes her save . . . but can she make ten saves next turn? Nonsense, nonsense. Those were honest hits. And thank god, because otherwise this’d be a squash. This fight Just Got Interesting. Back to the party. Moroku is drooling to cast a fireball or something else nasty, but a quick scan shows that it’d be a risky proposition at best. He fires a magic missile at the grell on Thar, and it’s definitely hit. That grell holding Thar isn’t looking good. And we’re back to the top. Krikara has saved Thar’s life before, and she does it again. The smudge has just taken out one of those +3 arrows and has put it through the tentacle holding Thar. Thar drops to the ground with a thud. Well, he did his thing with the Flamestrike – let’s see if the rest of these humanoids can carry their own weight. Not sure we’re going to get to find out, Seer, because as hard as it is to believe, not a SINGLE one of the party backed up from the grells last round! That means that with the grell’s 10’ reach, both Ib and Atarax are within one five-foot step of the grell that has its tentacles locked onto Foleful. And BAM! Ten tentacles fly out, and most of them hit their mark. Ib sucked up and paralyzed. Foleful is paralyzed. And Atarax has been sucked up . . . he’s not paralyzed, though, but soon he’s going to wish he was. Less pain that way, I hear. And it’s just gotten worse for team PHS. No one is going to mourn the loss of a bard in combat, but the grell that had its feelers on Thar has just moved onto Moroku. And yes, it’s ANOTHER hit. Moroku has made its save . . . but I think we all know what happens next round. <in the distance a crowd can be heard> TPK!TPK!TPK!TPK!Just piping in the feed from our audience, Seer. They smell blood. Looks like this little battle may not be so little after all! Hold on – Atarax to the rescue! He’s made his Concentration check and has Suggested again to the grell holding him and Foleful and Ib that it’d be a Good Idea if they dropped the trio. I don’t think that grell has learned Undercommon yet, Seer. Nope. But he knows Moroku knows it – he’s just called out to him that grells are immune to electrical attacks. No need for the big Gun to waste a l-bolt on these grell. The bard may have proven to be a little useful after all. And hey, maybe Rhuun will get away – she’s just drawn a short sword and swings at the grell holding her. She does a little damage. And the grell has just wrapped most of its tentacles around Rhuun. The grell may have taken seven points . . . but she just took forty and is now paralyzed. That’s not exactly the off-ramp to the road to victory. Two rounds have passed and there’s only one party member not experiencing a big ole grell hug. TPK for sure . . . so much for team PHS!I don’t know I’d count them out yet, Seer. Moroku isn’t paralyzed yet after all, and he’s got a Fireball ready for action. And once again, it’s all in the hands of the Smudge. You’re kidding, right Erk? Let’s put this baby to bed. Coming up next, folks, Roshi and Seetha vs the Drow! I think I speak for –Don’t speak for me, because Krikara has just nocked an +3 arrow and YES! SHE’S DONE IT! The Smudge has just hit a tentacle and clipped the baby right off. Moroku drops to the ground and YES, it’s a fireball! Ouch. That’s going to leave a mark. Thar’s just taken full damage. Ib’s just taken full damage. Foleful’s just taken full damage. Atarax has just taken half-damage. Rhuun’s just taken full damage. And Moroku has just taken half-damage. If it weren’t for that ring of Protection from Fire/Lightning that Rhuun took off Mikek, she’d be dead right now. Luckily, she’s only at –8. That’s going to come as a big blow to our elvish viewers, but yes, Rhuun is ALIVE, and so is everyone else.Not everyone, Erk. Two of the grells are down. One is still up, though – the grell that’s locked on to Atarax, Foleful, and Ib. And that grell is running like a mofo. He has managed to paralyze Atarax, though, while on the run, but at this point he’s a good 120’ away from Moroku.Only two non-paralyzed members of team PHS left, Seer – Krikara and Moroku. Krikara is chasing the grell, but while she’s able to keep up with it, she’s not going to be able to get a shot off I’m afraid. No, it’s all up to Moroku at this point. And there it is. Moroku has figured out about how far the grell is, and there goes an Ice Storm! Moroku has done 13d6 points of damage to various members of his party, and if that’s not worth a good laugh at their expense, I’m not sure what is. The grell drops . . . and it looks like Ib and Atarax are still alive. The heretical xvart, though . . . well, we’re going to have to go to the photo-finish. . . . . . . . . . AND HE’S ALIVE! HE’S ALIVE! HOLY CRAP, HE’S STILL ALIVE!And there’s the big groan from the audience. The battle is over, and as Krikara dumps a potion of healing down Foleful’s throat and Moroku and Thar tend to Rhuun, we see that what seemed to be a surefire TPK has turned into a full victory for PHS.Going to be spending a lot of time using those God-That-Sucked healing wands, though. But yes. Team PHS, consisting of three ninth-level guys, two eight-level guys, and two seventh-level guys, have just managed to barely survive an EL9 encounter. They should be very proud. Oh, go to hell, Seer. </blockquote>

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