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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Moe Ronalds" data-source="post: 465954" data-attributes="member: 2083">Me (DM): Welcome to the town of... *checks adventure* (Cityname)! It has a General Store, a Healer, houses, some other stuff, and a general store!Co-DM: You said General store twice.Problem Player (PP): I go to the general store. (A rogue)Co-DM: I follow him to keep him out of trouble. DM: Okay, you see the store owner- a rather cantankerous old man with an expression as though he has a pole up his ass.Co-DM: Sir, do you-DM: NOT LITERALLY!!!Co-DM: Aah.PP: I ask him if he has any swords.DM: No, this is a general store. We do not advocate adventuring or violence.PP: Do you have any *short*swords?DM: NO!PP: Daggers?DM: NO! Leave or I'll call the town militia.Nercomancer: I walk in with my raven and spellbook and ask if he has any rotten meat.DM: NO YOU FILTHY ADVENTURERS! OUT!Druid: I enter with my wolf and ask if he has any wolf-food.DM: Big store... The old man tells you all to get out.Druid: I hit him [the old man] with my club.DM: YOU WHAT!?Druid: You heard me.DM: roll to hit.(By this time the Co-DM has left the room in a tizzy- not a bad idea.)Druid: 20.DM: Damage?Druid: uh... 15.DM: The old man falls to the floor in a gooey state of being.PP (who by this time has gotten himself tied up through his own idiotic antics): I stab him!DM: he's DEAD and you're IMOBILE. Also, the town militia has just showed up. You spend the night rotting in a cell.PP: We don't even get a chance to fight??DM: You're tied up. The Necromancer neglected to prepare any spells that day. The Monk had the sense to walk away and visit the mayor. As for the Druid, I think now would be a good time to mention that knocking out old men is a *very* chaotic act so...................................................................................................DM: Alright. You *I point at the same problem player as before* are being confronted by the town guard. You're under arrest.PP: I attack him.DM: With what?PP: With my... dagger.DM: Alright, make an attack roll against an AC of 18.PP: hah! I got a 19!DM: You've also got a 7 strength score...PP: oops. I run away.DM: It's not your-PP: I RUN AWAY!!!DM: You realize you're wearing armor, right?PP:...yeah... and?DM: And that the monk is a member of the town militia?PP: So?DM: ooookay...Party Monk: I walk after him and.................................................PP: I walk into the dungeon.DM: You're the rogue, wanna check for traps?PP: Not really.DM: Okay, you-Monk: Wait! If you want to not get caught take *really* hard steps on pressure plates. It'll help, seriously.PP: Okay.DM: *rolls a die* 5 damage. You're unconscious.PP: No. I'm Not. (This guy has a look in his eye that shows you he's capable of anything. He suddenly grew 5 more HP. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f644.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":rolleyes:" title="Roll eyes    :rolleyes:"  data-smilie="11"data-shortname=":rolleyes:" /> )DM: Okay, you're not. You see a 6 foot tall, featureless gray behemoth in front of you.PP: What is it?DM: You don't know.PP: It's a baby cloud giant!!!*after a fight*PP: I go into the corridor.DM: You're dying, dude.PP:*glares*DM: Wait, just kidding! THat was... her! *points at little sister.* You see a hall lined with torches. Nailed to the walls are shriveled corpses that have had their upper arms, thighs, lower jaws and abdomens removed. PP: I loot the bodies.DM: *stares* PP: I loot the bodies.DM: You don't find anything. They're decoration...PP: Does he have balls?DM: Er... I guess.PP: I take those.................................................................................................DM: (this was in the sunless citadel. The original PP is absent. Have no fear, there's still Problem Player 2.) The leader sits on a raised throne. She is wearing long robes and is surrounded by an aura of command and menace. Several guards line up around her.PP2: I moon her.DM: You sure?PP2: Yes. And I... poop on her!DM: You sure you're sure?PP2: YES!DM: Ooookay. *flips through the PHB* She mutters something, and you find yourself caught in a large spider's-web.PP2: Dude, I was JOKING!............................................................................................(Still in sunless citadel)DM: The large, goblin like creature steps up to you and roars. I AM BALSAG!!!*players burst out laughing*............................................................................................Co-DM (DMing this time): You walk up to the forest. In the trees there are several tree houses. You hear singing.Me (the half-orc paladin wannabe): Okay, it's probably elves. I toss my weapons and armor aside and hold up my hands. I walk up and say "I COME IN PEACE!"Co-DM: Make a spot check.Me: *rolls a die* 16.Co-DM: Alright, up ahead you see what appears to be a well armed elf maiden with long white hair.Me: "Please, do not be threatened by me!"Co-DM: She walks up to you. She has red eyes, and black skin.Collective Thoughts of the players: daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!</blockquote>

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