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Message: <blockquote data-quote="SHARK" data-source="post: 947931" data-attributes="member: 1131">Gamers Dating GamersGreetings!Hey there everyone!<img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /> In my view, having common interests is pretty crucial for a successful, long-term relationship. Indeed, do opposites succeed? Of course, they can, and they do, but the odds are not great. The stats show in fact that such people end up separating, either before or after marriage, because most of the time, the differences are simply too great.In any event, its important to look for common interests, as well as for the areas that are different, there can be two types:(1) One difference type is abrasive, and will be a continuing source of argument, resentment, and conflict. (2) Another difference type is generally good, in the sense that it isn't an abrasive difference, but a complimentary one. Not all differences are complimentary, needless to say.<img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />In general, though, I think it is good to find someone who shares most of your interests, but has a decent degree of different interests and views. For example, I have gaming as a hobby. Before I met my wife, for all of my life I have been into wargaming, Chess, Risk, and then D&D. I was also into modelling, and reading history books.I'm in the process of getting my Masters and PHD in History, and will soon be teaching history in college.What does that mean? Well, besides being a gamer, and enjoying D&D, I have many, many bookshelves full of books. And books. And more books.I can only say that if my wife wasn't a gamer also--I taught her to play D&D over 15 years ago when we started dating--our relationship would be, well, diminished. Just as likely if she wasn't into history, like I am, we would have problems, because I talk about history, politics, philosphy, economics, sociology, and psychology all the time. I'm an academic, scholar, and gamer all in one. If she wasn't into these things, well, I like difference, but for me--that would be too different. There wouldn't be much for us to talk about, let alone engage in shared activities.I see a difference between shared activities, and shared ways of life, worldview, or even hobbies to a degree. For example, I can really enjoy swimming. I love to go swimming. But that doesn't mean that by engaging in swimming, that we are really bonding. I can go swimming with anyone, or by myself. So, general activities like swimming, don't really cut it as being sufficient, if you see what I'm saying. On the other hand, I can discuss ancient Celtic history with my wife, or the dynamics of early American Westward expansion along the western frontier, or Roman warfare in the age of the republic. Or I can discuss what the best prestige class is with the new D&D supplement, and so on. I can discuss theology, philosophy, and so on, with my wife. Now it is true there are *some* other people that I can discuss these things with, but not many, and not just anybody. This is different I suppose from merely swimming, or hiking, or going to the gym together. They are different. I can't really imagine what life would be like if we didn't share so many hobbies, religion, politics, and so on together. I can say, however, that having shared interests has made our relationship long, happy, interesting, and thoroughly enjoyable. She is, after all, my best friend, and someone who I prefer to share virtually all of my free time with. I don't mind getting away with the guys now and then, but I always love having my wife around.So, in the end, I think it is a wise attitude to look for a person who shares your passions and interests. Don't be afraid to accept some differences, as they can add spice and dimension to your relationship, and your life, both as an individual, and as a couple. Then, however, it is important to be sure that another person is either fully embracing of your passions and hobbies, or at least cheerfully accepting of them. As I mentioned earlier, being a scholar is part of my job. I'm also into reading and history as a hobby. If my wife wasn't into reading, and wasn't into history, we wouldn't have as much fun. In addition, if she was one of those kinds of people that doesn't like spending money on books, and doesn't like seeing books all about, or can't stand having bookcases as part of the decoir, then we would not only have problems, but we wouldn't be together.By that, I mean this: Books are perhaps my lifelong essential hobbies. I also require them for my work. If she couldn't tolerate having lots of books around, then she isn't really *into* me, because books, gaming, history, and music, for example, are all huge parts of who I am, as a person. To reject these things, is, to a large extent, rejecting me.Common interests are part of the strong foundation for a long, happy, successful relationship.Semper Fidelis,SHARK</blockquote>

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