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Message: <blockquote data-quote="aboyd" data-source="post: 5365967" data-attributes="member: 44797">Knowing what I know now, at age 39?  I'd flee.I've now been with 2 women who had very clear ideas of how I had to change to fit their idea of what an acceptable man should be, and in both cases, ouch.  Like, heartbreak ouch.My wife was OK with D&D for a few years.  I didn't do it much for the first 5 or 6 years of my marriage, but slowly got back into regular weekly games.  At first, she tried to put on a good appearance -- she'd make a vegetable platter or microwave some simple foods and put them out for us, and then disappear with a book.  Later, while she would still put out treats, as people arrived she'd mutter, "And now you do nerd things," and she'd leave the house.  She wasn't being cutesy.  She meant it in a negative way.  Near the end of the marriage, I'd game with my kids & friends while she'd go out and have hot athletic sex with her karate instructor.If you have no intention of being exactly what she's specified, you need to understand something: just as you're going into the relationship saying "this is what I am, take it or leave it," she is going into it saying, "this is what I expect to get, take it or leave it."  If you don't provide it, she will find it.  It might take years, but really, you don't want to get years into a relationship and discover how serious she was about her ideas.You really need to read [ame=http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339]No More Mr. Nice Guy[/ame] -- it's not a book about how to be a jerk or a bad boy or how to dominate women or be a player (the title always seems to make people wonder about that).  Instead, it's about how geeks & nerds will play nice and placate their lovers because, hey, that's what nice guys do -- and then how resentment builds and suddenly the nice guy isn't so nice to be married to.  It talks about how to be up front about your needs, about how to negotiate for fair treatment, about respect and communication.  It's just good for learning how to be an adult when someone makes a dismissive comment like, "of course, as a man, you'll outgrow games."</blockquote>

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