Gangs, Glitterspice & Hostages

[Joseph Rossow]

Hello forums!

I've just finished a bran-new adventure! Thirteen full pages about traveling to the big city, going down the wrong alley and coming face to face with a street gang. With one of their comerades held hostage, it's up to the adventurers to bow to the whims of the gang and ultimately save their friend!

So, being that I just finished it, I could really use some feed-back. Looking back over it I think I may have left out key details that I had so heavily internalized that I didn't write them in the module, so it'd really help to get a second opinion.

This is the website for the adventure, and this is the actual file.

There's all new artwork and diagrams included within.

I've also put a few updates on my website that I could also do with some feedback on. I'm still trying to get the layout looking a bit more... "fantastic".

There's this page about the Church of Healing (see image below).

And there's this page, containing more wares from the Magical Shop of Fiddeus Crackpot.

Enjoy, and I can't wait to hear what everyone has to say.

Oh, and this is only the second thread I've posted here. I think I'm putting this up in the right place, but if there's another part of the forums that this would be more appropriate, please let me know.

 

[William drake]

Well, you have some work....

Ok, well, I didn’t even want to finish reading it, but I did.. In truth, it was just too loaded down with cliches and things that just seem to be way way to forced.

I get it, there’s a kidnaping and it’s for first level players: but not sure if this is for newbies or others, but either way, the story should be able to stand up to either, as I see it.

You asked for suggestions, now here they are.
I would suggest slowing it down a bit; put an NPC in the party for a while, let the players get to know him or her, make that person not really talk about there past (of course, you’d have to establish a reason in the first place for the characters involvement with the party) but since he or she has helped the party out, was just a good guy or w/e they don’t really ask. *make that person on the run, or wanted or just valuable.* then, whenever the time comes, you have a real reason for the person to be taken.


Or, perhaps, that was the point all along: it was a set up, and the gang just needed someone to pin it on. If the party is all guys, and the victim is a women, then, if you’re able to play up the sex appeal, or the “I’m a helpless girl” stuff, it shouldn’t be to hard.

Another thought, you’d have to make sure that the party are playing GOOD GUYS, even if they are thieves or hired swords, make them still good hearted fellows, or this just won’t work.


Ok, another thought: get rid of the Water Mage Tower, sorry, just is too funny that there is an elemental at the desk, and it is almost helpless to help the party. Why wasn’t there a circle of truth, or ring of truth..or w/e to see if the players were lying? Remember, this is a fantasy world, and since there are ways in modern day to find out if someone is lying or not, you have to go that extra mile to make sure that, if your playing a magical world, that there are also such things.

Also, wouldn’t the Tower be worried about rouge wizards in the city helping out a Gang; I think they would perhaps be a bit more inclined to help then with a simple orb that’s a bug: also, if they have an orb that’s a bug, why don’t they have the things previously listed?

Same issue, but with the guards: ok, the police don’t just let people go along with criminal pursuits in the hopes that they can bust them, this isn’t the movies.

If the players talk about involving the Guards, make someone make a wisdom role, or a street knowledge roll or w/e to explain that perhaps if they go and tell the LAW, that this issue will be out of their hands, and things might get worse. (And if some of the players in the group are thieves, they might not want to get the Guards involved for other reasons)


Do AWAY with the DANCE, the idea that that is what makes a man truthful will make your players laugh at you. IF you want to use the dance as a background, perhaps let one of the players see a pretty girl, or guy if the player is a women. Then, after the meet-greet, and dance, they talk; where by perhaps the plot comes up, or maybe the person from the ball knows someone who could help: think of the urban rangers, a crime fighter....bounty hunter. Maybe it’s them, or their father or brother? See where that might take you.

I can go on and on, but I don’t want to rewrite your plot, its yours, and you should do with it what you think is right, but, it seems to me that your doing a lot of things that might not need to be done. My last advice, would be, do either some reading, or even watch a lot of movies about kidnaping, or stealing. See how the running, and hiding are some of the best events in the story. Throwing lots of combat, and strange monsters in the plot *yea, won’t go into the problems with the sewers* might not be the best.

Yes, and always a good idea, if you have to use a flying carpet...the stories taken a turn for the worst.


On the other hand, I could be wrong, and this could be perfect as it is.

In any case, Game On and Good Luck to you. *sorry if sounded harsh, wasn't trying to be, just being honest.*

 

[the Jester]

Your CRs seem to be off- at least, if you figure CRs by the book.

I would recommend building a relationship with the hostage before the first scene. Even evil pcs will often go to great lengths to rescue someone- if they like that someone. If it's a cleric of their god, who gives them free healing... or the merchant who was a childhood friend, who gives them great prices... or the innkeep who keeps the best, most entertaining, most well-liquored inn... they want to keep their npcs around.

A lot of your adventure seems kinda railroady, too. I dunno, maybe it's just the beginning; the adventure's start seems like a cut scene to me. I've found that the best way to get the pcs to do what I want them to is to figure out what they want to do and provide adventures along the way... and throw out obstacles and plot hooks, of course.

 

[Piratecat]

I like the art style.

The opening of the adventure will get you strung up by your players, though. The cardinal rule of adventure writing is never use boxed text to show action. Heck, you're best off not using boxed text at all, although just communicating actual speech isn't too bad -- just a bit limiting because it doesn't take the PCs' actions or appearance into account.

You also do a lot of telling instead of showing. This is how the opening might play out in a lot of groups:

GM: "You're halfway down the alley when wagons roll out and block both ends."
PC1: "I wouldn't have gone down an alley at night!"
PC2: "Didn't we see the wagons before? Where was my spot check?"
PC1: "Screw this. I climb the wall."
PC3: "I run down the alley and leap over the wagon."
PC4: "I set the other wagon on fire."
GM: "You can't!"
PC3: "Why not? Let's roll initiative!"
GM: "Wait, I'm not done. Wicked-looking men --"
PC1: "How do we know they're wicked?"
GM: "People appear on the roof with nets."
PC2: "No spot checks?"
PC4: "No listen checks?"
GM: "An unsettling character steps forward."
PC1: "Attack of opportunity!"

You see the problem. No adventuring group would EVER let him get close enough to actually grab the hostage. Telling them "it just happens" is a good way to trigger a general revolt.

Try removing all boxed text from the adventure, and see how it flows then!

You may want to try a different opening scene instead. A night-time battle as they grab a hostage out of their room at the inn can work really well, and is a lot more controllable in terms of results.

 

[Piratecat]

There's lots of good stuff in this adventure; sorry for focusing on the potential problems! Some additional thoughts:

- For anyone to run it but you, you'll need stats for everyone in the opening encounter. I have no idea how powerful the boss is!

- You have to specify what happens if the heroes call the bluff. Will the hostage get killed? What mechanics get used?

- Heroes fight. It's what they do. Out of 100 groups, I estimate that 95 will try to kill all the gang and break the adventure. That tells me that the adventure premise probably won't work.

- Why doesn't the gang want to make the pickup themselves? Surely there's a better way than trying to strongarm people whose job is killing for a living.

- The water elemental is a bit silly.

- The water wizards' response is infuriating. The job of the police is to investigate crimes, right? Making up excuses why they won't bother despite someone's life being in danger doesn't make much sense. Perhaps if they offered to send a low-level operative instead?

- Same deal with the city guard. This city's alignment is coming off as neutral at best -- which isn't a bad thing, but which has a lot of ramifications in the city's feel. Perhaps adding a city stat block and some information about what it's like would help. Part of my problem might be that I assumed the city was LG or NG.

I know that what you're trying to do is say "go on the adventure yourselves!" I'm right there with ya. But you need to be internally consistent about it.

- the ice claw crab men are pretty darn cool! I'd want stats for them, though. There's a good chance the heroes would try to free their prisoner.

More later, when I have time.

 

[Joseph Rossow]

Wow, thanks for all the replies!

I suppose there is a lot of room for improvement here, but unfortunately as Piratecat has pointed out the entire adventure hinges on the taking of the hostage in the beginning. I suppose a more diplomatic hook, as opposed to violent, might work better.

As far as the hostage themselves, I really want to leave that in the hands of the dungeon master. Ultimately, I, the module writer, have no way of telling or predicting exactly who is going to be the *perfect* hostage canidate for a particular group. But I did try to provide some suggestions, which I suppose could be expanded to introduce a hostage canidate, should none exist.

What I like about taking a hostage right in front of the players is they get to see it happen, with all the drama and tension it brings. However, I should note that the whole "abduction from the Inn" is a possibility. In fact, I also intend to write a sort of "rough-outline" or "flowchart" for the action of the module.

As for the response from the officials, which has been considerably criticised, part of it has to do with the role of both organizations, which I suppose ought to be better defined. The situation is supposed to be straight forward. It's up to the adventurers to rescue their friend. Magic, in general, greatly complicates this situation.

To sum up it sounds like I need to:
- Revise the Hook
- Introduce a potential hostage
- Provide an Outline or Flow-chart for the events
- Revise the response from the Officials

As for the Water Wizards (and their elemental receptionist), going into full detail on this organization could be a module of its own, but I'm leaving the Water Elemental as a receptionist. If you don't like it, replace it with a talking dolphin, that'd be a good alternative. He could be a wizard too. You know, dolphins are very intelligent. Lots of bonus spells. They have trouble with the somatic parts though.

The Water Wizards are just a Port Janus thing. It could be any organization in whichever city the Dungeon Master choses.

Sorry for the ranting, and thanks for the reviews, I'll start getting this thing revised and up to par.

 

[helium3]

You need to have someone other than yourself go over the module while looking for grammatical errors. I spotted a few on a quick read through of the first couple of pages.

 

[Piratecat]

but I'm leaving the Water Elemental as a receptionist.

Actually, I may steal this. The more I think about it, the more I like it!