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Message: <blockquote data-quote="William drake" data-source="post: 3495819" data-attributes="member: 49143">Well, you have some work....Ok, well, I didn’t even want to finish reading it, but I did.. In truth, it was just too loaded down with cliches and things that just seem to be way way to forced.I get it, there’s a kidnaping and it’s for first level players: but not sure if this is for newbies or others, but either way, the story should be able to stand up to either, as I see it. You asked for suggestions, now here they are.I would suggest slowing it down a bit; put an NPC in the party for a while, let the players get to know him or her, make that person not really talk about there past (of course, you’d have to establish a reason in the first place for the characters involvement with the party) but since he or she has helped the party out, was just a good guy or w/e they don’t really ask. *make that person on the run, or wanted or just valuable.* then, whenever the time comes, you have a real reason for the person to be taken.Or, perhaps, that was the point all along: it was a set up, and the gang just needed someone to pin it on. If the party is all guys, and the victim is a women, then, if you’re able to play up the sex appeal, or the “I’m a helpless girl” stuff, it shouldn’t be to hard. Another thought, you’d have to make sure that the party are playing GOOD GUYS, even if they are thieves or hired swords, make them still good hearted fellows, or this just won’t work.Ok, another thought: get rid of the Water Mage Tower, sorry, just is too funny that there is an elemental at the desk, and it is almost helpless to help the party. Why wasn’t there a circle of truth, or ring of truth..or w/e to see if the players were lying? Remember, this is a fantasy world, and since there are ways in modern day to find out if someone is lying or not, you have to go that extra mile to make sure that, if your playing a magical world, that there are also such things. Also, wouldn’t the Tower be worried about rouge wizards in the city helping out a Gang; I think they would perhaps be a bit more inclined to help then with a simple orb that’s a bug: also, if they have an orb that’s a bug, why don’t they have the things previously listed?Same issue, but with the guards: ok, the police don’t just let people go along with criminal pursuits in the hopes that they can bust them, this isn’t the movies. If the players talk about involving the Guards, make someone make a wisdom role, or a street knowledge roll or w/e to explain that perhaps if they go and tell the LAW, that this issue will be out of their hands, and things might get worse. (And if some of the players in the group are thieves, they might not want to get the Guards involved for other reasons)Do AWAY with the DANCE, the idea that that is what makes a man truthful will make your players laugh at you. IF you want to use the dance as a background, perhaps let one of the players see a pretty girl, or guy if the player is a women. Then, after the meet-greet, and dance, they talk; where by perhaps the plot comes up, or maybe the person from the ball knows someone who could help: think of the urban rangers, a crime fighter....bounty hunter. Maybe it’s them, or their father or brother? See where that might take you.I can go on and on, but I don’t want to rewrite your plot, its yours, and you should do with it what you think is right, but, it seems to me that your doing a lot of things that might not need to be done. My last advice, would be, do either some reading, or even watch a lot of movies about kidnaping, or stealing. See how the running, and hiding are some of the best events in the story. Throwing lots of combat, and strange monsters in the plot *yea, won’t go into the problems with the sewers* might not be the best. Yes, and always a good idea, if you have to use a flying carpet...the stories taken a turn for the worst.On the other hand, I could be wrong, and this could be perfect as it is.In any case, Game On and Good Luck to you. *sorry if sounded harsh, wasn't trying to be, just being honest.*</blockquote>

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