General Advice to starting adventurers

[Berandor]

Hej,

my character for a future Eberron campaign is supposed to be a really nice and naive guy. So I thought his foster parents, not-so-nice but well-traveled folks, might have given him a list of things to look out for when adventuring. I'm looking for advice pertainung to classic situations such as:

When encountering an unmarked lever, do not pull

or

Don't step on chessboard-tiled floors

or perhaps

Always check a monsters innards for treasure.

The advice (Ma's 10 rules of adventuring) is supposed to ring true, but be humorous. So, EnWorld: What else have you got?

 

[Whizbang Dustyboots]

Look at the advice given in Hamlet. It's exactly the sort of stuff you're asking for.

 

[(Psi)SeveredHead]

Look up 101 rules to be an evil overlord. Mostly they don't apply to PCs, but some do. Some of the websites also have specific sections for PCs.

 

[Berandor]

Look at the advice given in Hamlet. It's exactly the sort of stuff you're asking for.

The play?

 

[Crothian]

After that first successful adventure and you have a few hundred gold in your pocket and lots of nice weapons: retire. Get an inn, tell that story of that adventure till you die surrounded by many happy grandchildren.

 

[WayneLigon]

Advice to Would - Be Heroes

Lyrics by Mercedes Lackey

So want you go earning your keep with your sword
And you think it cannot be too hard-
And you dream becoming a hero or lord
With your praises sung out by some bard
Well now, let me then venture to give you advice
And when all of my lecture is done
We will see if my words have not made you think twice
About whether adventuring is “fun!”

Now before you seek shelter or food for yourself
Go seek first for those things for your beast
For he is worth far more than praises or pelf
Though a fool things to value him least.
It you’ve ever a moment at leisure to spare
Then devote it, as if to your god,
To his grooming, and practice, and weapons-repair
And seeing you both are well-shod

Eat lightly and sparingly - never full-fed-
For a full belly founders your mind
Ah, but sleep when you can - it is better than bread-
For on night-watch no rest you will find
Do not boast of your skill, for there is always one more
Who would prove he is better then you
Treat swordladies like sisters, and not like a whore
Or your wenching days, child, will be few

When you look for a captain, then look for a man
Who think first of his man and their beasts,
And who listens to scouts, and has more than one plan,
And heeds not overmuch to the priests
And if you become captain, when choosing your man
Do not look at the “Heroes” at all
For a hero dies young - rather choose yourself ten
Or a dozen whose pride’s not so tall

Now your Swordmaster’s god - whosoever he be-
When he stands there before you to teach
And don’t argue or whine, think to mock foolishly
Or you’ll soon be consulting a leech!
Now most booty is taken by generals and kings
And there is little that’s left for the low
So it’s best to learn skills, or work at odd things
To keep food in your mouth as you go

And last, if you should chance to reach equal my years
You must find you a new kind of trade
For a plea that you’re still spry will fall on deaf ears-
There’s no work for old swords, I’m afraid
Now if all what I’ve told you has not changed your mind
Then I’ll teach you best as I can .
For you’re stubborn, like me, and like me of the kind
Becomes one fine Swords-woman or -man!