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<blockquote data-quote="Dias Ex Machina" data-source="post: 3987468" data-attributes="member: 58907">About 10 years ago (yes, you read right), I started collecting the humorous anecdotes my players have uttered throughout the games I have run.&nbsp; Many were out of character though some of the funniest were done in the scene.I gathered them on my old page at <a href="http://www.serenadawn.com" target="_blank">www.serenadawn.com</a> but I wanted to share some of the most memorable with you all.&nbsp; I tried to find an appropriate location for this post.&nbsp; If not here, I am open to suggestions.By the way, I have refrained from the quotes using harsh language.&nbsp; If you want to read those, go to the site.CONAN:&nbsp; “You didn’t even lift a finger to save your girlfriend!”MIKE:&nbsp; “I had better things to do!”CAM:&nbsp; “You sure did.”MIKE:&nbsp; “I had to save the world.”CONAN:&nbsp; “No, we were good at that point.”DM:&nbsp; “Maybe I should go over the other Knights in the competition.”CAM:&nbsp; “Not necessary.&nbsp; If you say their names, we’ll remember.”DM:&nbsp; “Sir Elanzo Mastiff.”CAM:&nbsp; “Yeah…yeah…he’s a knight.”DM:&nbsp; “Maybe I should go over the knights in the competition.”CAM:&nbsp; “No wait…he’s the horse breeder.”DM:&nbsp; “No, the inbreeder, remember?”CAM:&nbsp; “Right, his daughter.”DM:&nbsp; “Maybe I should go over the knights in the competition.”CONAN:&nbsp; “I have this awesome plan.&nbsp; I move around this guy and it’s a big flanking line, then I get a bonus +2 to hit.”&nbsp; DM:&nbsp; “Alright.&nbsp; I make a tumble.&nbsp; (Rolls)&nbsp; Made it.&nbsp; I am now flanking.&nbsp; I roll to hit.&nbsp; Miss.&nbsp; Second Attack.&nbsp; Miss.&nbsp; Third Attack.&nbsp; Miss…When we do something like this, you have to remember who’s involved.”CAM:&nbsp; “The best way for a knight to get the attention of the princess during the joust is to beckon her to offer a favor to tie to his lance.”CONAN:&nbsp; “Right.&nbsp; I’ll pass that onto our knight.”CAM:&nbsp; “You see, what this means is she ties her vagina around his penis which he uses to hit other men with.”CONAN:&nbsp; “You were beaten a lot in the competition today, weren’t you?”CAM:&nbsp; “Yes I was.”CHRIS:&nbsp; “Building a black gate is a bad idea.&nbsp; What if demons come out?”CONAN:&nbsp; “Don’t worry.&nbsp; I can control it.”CAM:&nbsp; “You can’t even control urinating…”CAM:&nbsp; “He finally found my dice bag.”GM:&nbsp; “Where was it?”CONAN:&nbsp; “Go ahead…tell them.”CAM:&nbsp; “He found them in his shoe.”GM:&nbsp; “His shoe?”CAM:&nbsp; “--Which was in his couch.”GM:&nbsp; “Why was a shoe in your couch.”CONAN:&nbsp; “You see, that’s the question people SHOULD be asking!”DM:&nbsp; “A six headed Hydra steps forward.”MISHA:&nbsp; “We’re screwed.”MALACHI:&nbsp; “Maybe its an illusion.”MISHA:&nbsp; “I actively hate the DM.”DM:&nbsp; “Make a track check.”MISHA (rolls):&nbsp; NINE!DM:&nbsp; “Okay.&nbsp; You basically know nothing.”MISHA (to the group):&nbsp; “Okay…we got a bugbear…in half plate…with a lingering knee injury he received in childhood…He has 45 copper in his pocket…and a broken mace…”TASIA:&nbsp;&nbsp; “Ooooooooh.”If these roll over well, I will post some more…</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Dias Ex Machina, post: 3987468, member: 58907"] About 10 years ago (yes, you read right), I started collecting the humorous anecdotes my players have uttered throughout the games I have run. Many were out of character though some of the funniest were done in the scene. I gathered them on my old page at [url]www.serenadawn.com[/url] but I wanted to share some of the most memorable with you all. I tried to find an appropriate location for this post. If not here, I am open to suggestions. By the way, I have refrained from the quotes using harsh language. If you want to read those, go to the site. CONAN: “You didn’t even lift a finger to save your girlfriend!” MIKE: “I had better things to do!” CAM: “You sure did.” MIKE: “I had to save the world.” CONAN: “No, we were good at that point.” DM: “Maybe I should go over the other Knights in the competition.” CAM: “Not necessary. If you say their names, we’ll remember.” DM: “Sir Elanzo Mastiff.” CAM: “Yeah…yeah…he’s a knight.” DM: “Maybe I should go over the knights in the competition.” CAM: “No wait…he’s the horse breeder.” DM: “No, the inbreeder, remember?” CAM: “Right, his daughter.” DM: “Maybe I should go over the knights in the competition.” CONAN: “I have this awesome plan. I move around this guy and it’s a big flanking line, then I get a bonus +2 to hit.” DM: “Alright. I make a tumble. (Rolls) Made it. I am now flanking. I roll to hit. Miss. Second Attack. Miss. Third Attack. Miss…When we do something like this, you have to remember who’s involved.” CAM: “The best way for a knight to get the attention of the princess during the joust is to beckon her to offer a favor to tie to his lance.” CONAN: “Right. I’ll pass that onto our knight.” CAM: “You see, what this means is she ties her vagina around his penis which he uses to hit other men with.” CONAN: “You were beaten a lot in the competition today, weren’t you?” CAM: “Yes I was.” CHRIS: “Building a black gate is a bad idea. What if demons come out?” CONAN: “Don’t worry. I can control it.” CAM: “You can’t even control urinating…” CAM: “He finally found my dice bag.” GM: “Where was it?” CONAN: “Go ahead…tell them.” CAM: “He found them in his shoe.” GM: “His shoe?” CAM: “--Which was in his couch.” GM: “Why was a shoe in your couch.” CONAN: “You see, that’s the question people SHOULD be asking!” DM: “A six headed Hydra steps forward.” MISHA: “We’re screwed.” MALACHI: “Maybe its an illusion.” MISHA: “I actively hate the DM.” DM: “Make a track check.” MISHA (rolls): NINE! DM: “Okay. You basically know nothing.” MISHA (to the group): “Okay…we got a bugbear…in half plate…with a lingering knee injury he received in childhood…He has 45 copper in his pocket…and a broken mace…” TASIA: “Ooooooooh.” If these roll over well, I will post some more… [/QUOTE]

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