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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Elf Witch" data-source="post: 6869022" data-attributes="member: 9037">I really wish she had not used the term white male terrorist because it has clouded the conversation. But I understand why she did it. When you have been marginalized or harassed and it has been at the hands of a member or members of the majority who has the privilege and sometimes protection that comes with that a lot of pent up anger and frustration. There is also the fact that provocative titles makes your blog post stand out from the thousands of others. You see this kind of thing when a person of color who speaks up about the racism they have faced and uses the term white people instead of some white people. Instead of just looking at the person experience many feel the need to defend the people who are not like this. If you are not a racist, sexist jerk then why do you feel the need to defend and deflect from the point being discussed? As a white person I had to develop a thicker skin when reading stories of racism. My first inclination was to defend myself and say I am not like that not all white people are like that. Then I realized no one is saying that we are and anyone who actually believes that has a lot of anger and bigotry of their own that need to work through.First, it was the essayist that wrote: " I have no way of knowing whether the person with whom I’m gaming is safe or the person who wants to...", and the rest censored out. So yes, as a white male, she puts the burden on me to prove I'm safe and not what she now (perhaps understandably) first assumes of all white men she is with. And likewise, yes, the article is a call to assume the worst of all white men until they prove otherwise that they are "safe". And many in this conversation have read or treated it as such, even going so far as to assert that denial was proof of guilt. Celebrim wrote that and I had to get up walk away after reading it to think of way to respond.I was livid at first at his complete blindness of what it means to be a woman then I calmed down and realized well he is a man and his experiences will be very different than mine.  You see women are taught from the time they are children that we need to be wary of men we don't know that we need to protect ourselves from being raped. We are taught not to meet a strange guy any other place than a public one and to make sure someone knows where we are. We are taught to watch our drinks and never take one from a stranger. We are taught to use the buddy system we we go to bars and never drink with men you don't now and if we break that rule and get raped then a lot of people including women believe you asked for it by not being more careful. So we are basically taught that all men have the potential to be rapists and to be safe that is how we should look at them until they prove not to be.I have been playing since the 1970s and I still have some anxiety when I join a table with men I don't know anything about. I am a little worried that I might be harassed that I will ave to deal with sublte sexism in the form of a DM or other players ideas of the realistic way to show a female PC. I have seem one to many times rape used as backstory or hinted at to outright described by DMs who some how don't know better or can't grasp why a female player may not want to deal with that in game. Then there are the DMs who feel the need to stick a female PC who is sexually active with a pregnancy.  Unless the player is interested in that why go there? I have had arguments with DM on this with them taking the stand that since it is not a technological world there is no birth control. I have even had an argument with a GM in Shadowrun over this with him saying no birth control is 100%. I have run into the guys who really don't want to play with a woman but are in the minority at their table and they make it unpleasant sometimes very openly and sometimes subtly. And often the other players either don't realize it or don't want to cause trouble or are waiting for the DM to do something about it. So yeah my experiences have taught me to be a little wary. Is that really surprising?</blockquote>

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