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Message: <blockquote data-quote="MechaPilot" data-source="post: 6869154" data-attributes="member: 82779">I didn't read her response to you as saying that we are so radically different that we are incapable of understanding each other.  However, I feel as if I should emphasize that simply knowing the rules we are raised with and understanding the reasons for them is not enough to adequately walk in a woman's shoes, because there are very strange confluences of feelings that go along with being in situations where the different rules apply.Consider the situation of a woman getting a flat tire at night, and then a strange man offers to help her.  For the sake of this example, let's place me as the woman in the example.  I genuinely want to believe in the goodness and charity of humanity.  When that man offers to help me, there is a sense of relief, of having part of a burdensome situation lifted from my shoulders.  However, there are also many competing feelings.I realize that being alone at night when a stranger happens upon you is a compromising position.  He is offering to help, but is that all he really wants?  I could say "no thank you.  I can handle it."  I am certainly capable of changing a tire on my own.  But, if he was genuinely offering to help, then not only have I inconvenienced myself, but I also may have hurt his feelings when he only wanted to help (and it really sucks to make a decent person feel bad because you just don't know them well enough to trust them).And then there's the feeling of uncertainty.  That feeling of, "he doesn't seem like a bad person and he is offering to help, should I really be judging him so harshly?"  That feeling of "am I being unduly paranoid?" that always competes with personal security concerns.At the same time, I'm also aware that he is probably stronger than me.  If I accept his help and he does turn on me, am I physically capable of fending him off?  This question has some variation due to clothing as well.  If I'm coming back from some place that I wore heels to, I definitely can't fight or run in those (sometimes just walking in those monsters is difficult enough).  If I'm wearing a skirt, I'm also definitely going to feel much more vulnerable than if I'm wearing jeans.And don't forget that this storm of concerns and emotions is going on in the time it takes for the stranger who asked "need a hand?" or said "looks like you could use some help." to expect a simple "yes" or "no" or "please" or "thank you so much" in reply.And if I do agree to help and he does very kindly change my flat tire, there's a small moment of anxiety at the end.  Is he going to expect something from me for his time and effort?  How should I react if he asks for my number, or a date, after he changes my tire?  I don't want to be mean to him: he did just help me out.  At the same time though, I'll also feel at least a little bit as if he expects me to give in to his request as a form of payment for his time.  He may not mean it that way.  I think a lot of men who ask for a number or a date after giving assistance don't intend to extort a date from the woman they've helped.  However, I think a lot of them don't think about the feeling of obligation I would be having at that moment.  A request for a phone number or a date in a moment like that always has a pseudo-predatory feel to me because of that feeling of obligation.Please note that I did not go through this exercise to scold you or to show how you just can't understand what it's like to be a woman.  I think most men are capable of understanding, if they put their minds to it, but I think that all too often they entirely neglect to consider the emotional and social pressure aspects of a situation.</blockquote>

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