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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Umbran" data-source="post: 6878376" data-attributes="member: 177">Of course not.  But do you have the personal experience to know with reasonable certainty what would offend?  The point is that the white men generally don't, and therefore misjudge what would offend someone.  This is merely ignorance, and not a moral failing in and of itself.  Claiming that the person offended has "lower tolerance than most" is eschewing any responsibility you might have, and ascribing a weakness to the victim - oh, it can't be that you screwed up, they are just really, really touchy!  Problem:  While *you* may deal with such things pleasantly, as has already been mentioned, men in general frequently don't.  When faced with what they read as an accusation, they instead push back, and dismiss or blame the victim - just like you did above, probably without even realizing it.  So, the victim must do a risk assessment - do they just take the offense, or risk having the guy jump on her for being offended? Have you considered the possibility that, broadly speaking, this might be true?  That maybe our speech and behavior is still littered with a whole lot of traditional misogyny that we don't notice?That's your choice, of course.  But you get to ask yourself if that's a really ethical position to take.  How is "I don't want to be a social crusader" different from, "I am okay with this group of people being put upon by my majority group"?  There's a practical limit, of course - it isn't like there are enough hours in the day for anyone to fight against *every* wrong in the world.  But I don't think that's what you're being asked to do.  It isn't like you are actually being asked to do much at all - learn to be somewhat more aware, *listen* when you are told about a problem, and advocate for others to your peers when it comes up.  Open your eyes a bit, and then don't tolerate it when you see it.</blockquote>

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