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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Majoru Oakheart" data-source="post: 6878448" data-attributes="member: 5143">The things is, this is impossible to know.  What offends one person doesn't offend another.As an example.  I had one group that had 2 women in it.  Out of the blue one day, one of them texted the entire group after playing with us for 4 months: "I can't stand all of the jokes you guys are making anymore.  They are sexist, racist, and misogynist, and rape jokes.  I won't be playing anymore."  The next session we all had a meeting to try to figure out what jokes she was talking about since not a single one of us remember saying anything that could be interpreted that way.  I was particularly worried because I was the DM and I had met her on the internet and invited her to our group.  Even the other woman in the group could not come up with a single incident of anyone saying anything offensive.I sent the woman who left a text apologizing immediately and saying that it wasn't our intention to do any of those things and if we screwed up, I'd fix it and make it didn't happen anymore.  But she never replied to my text messages and immediately removed me from Facebook, Steam and a bunch of other places we were friends.  To this day I have no idea what I said or did wrong and neither does anyone else in our group.We especially don't know about any rape jokes.  Well, except ONE the entire time she played with us and it was one guy who said "Look, I'm going to make a joke, it's kind of offensive but it's a joke.  Does anyone care?  Seriously, I don't want to offend anyone."  Everyone said it was ok and I don't even remember it.  It was a horrible joke it and I told him that.  Said it wasn't funny and maybe he should have just left it alone and he agreed not to do it again.That's because everyone has a responsibility in a social interaction.  It takes 2 to be offended:  One to do the offending and one to actually BE offended.  If I'm lactose intolerant and really hate milk because of what it does to me, I might get really offended when people talk about how great milk is.  But I'm choosing to be offended instead of understanding that milk is a normal part of life that everyone else doesn't know is offensive to me.A more solid example is alcohol.  I hate the stuff.  I hate drunk people.  I hate bars, clubs, and the entire scene.  I think that alcohol turns people into idiots and is the cause of a large number of problems in our society.  I hate when people talk about it because they are perpetuating a culture where it's completely acceptable to run around doing stupid things and then blaming them on alcohol afterwards and everyone laughs about it.  But I had to long ago accept that my feelings about the topic aren't share by...almost anyone.  Alcohol makes the world go round and when I'm around people, they're going to be drinking and talking about drinking.  I can be the guy who complains about it, gets mad at people and refuses to hang out with anyone drinking or I can learn that the world doesn't revolve around my sensibilities and just relax.  I chose the latter and other people can too.When you are on the wrong side of the majority, sometimes you have to just accept that what you find acceptable isn't what other people do.  That's fine.  But if you go into a situation where you know you're the minority and get angry at the majority for doing what they've always done, you need to accept part of the responsibility for being offended.No, I realized I did it.  I just don't think there's anything wrong with pushing back.  I think that is how we come to a consensus.  If someone yells out "The word Man for humans is offensive to me because it misogynistically assumes that males are more important than women." and I say "I don't think that's what it is assuming at all.  It is just a word.  It makes no judgements about you at all." and everyone in the room agrees, then at that point you have 2 choices:  Stop being offended about something that obviously is only important to you and only offends you.  Or you need to get the heck out of there because you can't stand being around people that misogynistic.  If you choose the latter, you might soon be hiding in your basement refusing to come out because the world is out to get you.It is possible to be TOO sensitive.  There is nothing wrong with telling people they are too sensitive when it is true.I know our language is littered with that stuff.  I just don't think it's important.  I don't believe that some leftover language creates some sort of oppression like some would have you believe.  I believe the intention behind the words is the only thing that's important.  If someone doesn't actually mistreat people then some accidental body language or words that could be interpreted poorly doesn't make someone misogynist.I believe that the definition of misogyny has become VERY stretched in the last 10 or 20 years.  And if you put 100 women in a room and asked them to rate phrases in terms of how misogynistic they are that you wouldn't get 10 of them to agree.  And that even if only 2 of them think something is misogynistic that those 2 will make blog posts about how rampant misogyny is in the world.I think that people's opinions change in time.  And it's slow change and it doesn't happen because a bunch of people complain about it.  What's the majority opinion now will be different in the future.  And things naturally change to be more open and accepting.  So, it is inevitable that things will get better and it will take about the same about of them to change whether I stand up on a soapbox or I sit and wait.But bad things happen and I can't be around to stop all of them and I can't feel guilty about all of it.  I'm not flying to 3rd world counties to buy hungry people food.  I'm not attending rallies for every disease that needs funding.  Those things are bad and I want them fixed.  But not crusading for them isn't the same as saying I'm ok with any of them.If I see it happening and it's something other than a minor offense, I'll speak up.  But unless it happens in front of me, I'll let it work itself out eventually.</blockquote>

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