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Message: <blockquote data-quote="AuroraGyps" data-source="post: 2020683" data-attributes="member: 1166">Thanks for the kind words, but please don't worry.  I'm gussing you haven't read any of my other posts, so I'll give you the quick version:  Social anxiety disorder and depression for 20 years... been seeing specialists(shrinks, therapists, etc) for most of that time (lax a few years after the move to Buffalo)... been taking various meds on & off for almost 15 years... had a 10 year relationship (3 yrs long distance, 2 living together, almost 5 married)... we made a few mistakes, I got worse, he divorced me, got w/ another girl, and under 3 years they're married, have a new house, and a new house... after the divorce, all our(his) friends dumped me, his family dropped contact with me, and things have been really bad. I'm currently seeing a shrink & a therapist, taking meds, and appealing being denied for SSI. I'm still working on things and I have no plans on hurting myself, but I can't help but think of it sometimes.  I've been doing this for so long, I'm really tired and I can't help but want to just give up sometimes.  I feel awful for putting my parents through so much and all the money they've spent helping me, but at the same time, I could never kill myself because of all they've gone through.  They always think they were horrible parents, but I could have been much worse... I never turned to alcohol, drugs, sex, cutting, running away, none of it.  They weren't perfect and we all made mistakes, butif they were horrible parents, I could've been dead years ago.  When I am doing really bad and start to really think of hurting myself, it scares the hell out of me and I know I'm bad and need extra help.  I want the tattoo to be an extra tool.  A reminder of what I've made it through and a reminder of what it takes to get through each day.  It's also a symbol that I don't want completely out of sight.  People don't understand emotional problems and sometimes I feel like I need a spike sticking out of my head for people to understand that what I go through is real.  I don't want it to be an "I told ya so" thing... if that was the case I'd bee getting a big, honkin' thing on my forehead.  It's something that I want to be able to see when I need too, to see anytime to remind me I'm still fighting, and if others happen to notice it, I'm proud to tell them what it means.  So, thanks again for your concern.  The fact that you're willing to try to help a stranger means a lot. That's why I post here, because the people on ENWorld are more than just a gaming community... they're friends.</blockquote>

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