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[hivemind] My kingdom for a Pie!
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<blockquote data-quote="Skade" data-source="post: 826537" data-attributes="member: 3320"><p>An old woman was feeling lonely and decided that she needed a pet. Once at the pet store she found that she was allergic to cats, could not stand dogs, found lizards repulsive, and could not quite fathom buying birds. She might have gone home alone except for a beautifully plumed parrot who was being sold for half off. Walking to the counter the old woman asks, "is there something wrong with that parrot? Why is he on sale? Does he not speak?" The clerk explained that the bird was the most expressive, and intelligent bird he had ever seen, but that he was very particular about his diet. The woman, understanding such things decided to buy the bird, without a second thought. All the drive home the bird sat in the backseat, perched in its cage whistling along to the radio, which the woman found enchanting. She promtly set to preparing a place in her home for her new friend, laying out an assortment of seed and fruit for the parrot. Though he watched her intently, the bird said nothing to any promting, which left the woman feeling a little let down. That night she turned on her television, to watch American Idol when the bird said his first words </p><p></p><p>"I can't believe you're watching this <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" />! What find of <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /> bird do you think I am? This is some <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /> stupid <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" />"</p><p></p><p>Needless to say, the woman was shocked. She quickly changed the channel, only to have the bird continue his tirade against televisin. She promplty shut it off, and began to lecture the bird who began to verbally assault her in ways I shall not mention here. </p><p></p><p>This went on for one week. The old lady pleaded, and threatened, and appeased, and yet the cursing, and insults would not stop. Finally, she had enough. </p><p></p><p>Taking the bird firmly in hand she began marching through the house. The bird laughed at her, and asked "what you gonna do, cut me? Clip my <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /> wings? You can't <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin :D" data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" /> take it you old ---" At which point she threw the bird into the freezer and closed the door. The bird wailed, and screeched, and cursed in ways she had never imagined before. This went on for several minutes until there was silence. For a few minutes she watched the freezer door, relieved at the silence, but her soft heart got to her and she opened the door. </p><p></p><p>The parrot stood there, shock still and silent.</p><p></p><p>She asked him " are you going to be have now"</p><p></p><p>The bird replied, "I must apologize most humbly for any pain I may have caused in action or deed. I shall henceforth endeavor to provide appropriate commentary, and humorous verbal exchanges to better suit your temperment" After a moment the bird added, "Ma'am, if I may ask. What is it that the chicken did?"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Skade, post: 826537, member: 3320"] An old woman was feeling lonely and decided that she needed a pet. Once at the pet store she found that she was allergic to cats, could not stand dogs, found lizards repulsive, and could not quite fathom buying birds. She might have gone home alone except for a beautifully plumed parrot who was being sold for half off. Walking to the counter the old woman asks, "is there something wrong with that parrot? Why is he on sale? Does he not speak?" The clerk explained that the bird was the most expressive, and intelligent bird he had ever seen, but that he was very particular about his diet. The woman, understanding such things decided to buy the bird, without a second thought. All the drive home the bird sat in the backseat, perched in its cage whistling along to the radio, which the woman found enchanting. She promtly set to preparing a place in her home for her new friend, laying out an assortment of seed and fruit for the parrot. Though he watched her intently, the bird said nothing to any promting, which left the woman feeling a little let down. That night she turned on her television, to watch American Idol when the bird said his first words "I can't believe you're watching this :D:D:D:D:D! What find of :D:D:D:D bird do you think I am? This is some :D:D:D:D stupid :D:D:D:D:D" Needless to say, the woman was shocked. She quickly changed the channel, only to have the bird continue his tirade against televisin. She promplty shut it off, and began to lecture the bird who began to verbally assault her in ways I shall not mention here. This went on for one week. The old lady pleaded, and threatened, and appeased, and yet the cursing, and insults would not stop. Finally, she had enough. Taking the bird firmly in hand she began marching through the house. The bird laughed at her, and asked "what you gonna do, cut me? Clip my :D:D:D:D wings? You can't :D:D:D:D:D take it you old ---" At which point she threw the bird into the freezer and closed the door. The bird wailed, and screeched, and cursed in ways she had never imagined before. This went on for several minutes until there was silence. For a few minutes she watched the freezer door, relieved at the silence, but her soft heart got to her and she opened the door. The parrot stood there, shock still and silent. She asked him " are you going to be have now" The bird replied, "I must apologize most humbly for any pain I may have caused in action or deed. I shall henceforth endeavor to provide appropriate commentary, and humorous verbal exchanges to better suit your temperment" After a moment the bird added, "Ma'am, if I may ask. What is it that the chicken did?" [/QUOTE]
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