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Message: <blockquote data-quote="seasong" data-source="post: 552269" data-attributes="member: 5137">Note 1: Okay, I lied. Can't sleep. So I'll critique tonight.Note 2: As always, I'm not pulling punches. I would like to see another rewrite of this scenario, also <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin    :D"  data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" />.I've Fallen and I Can't Get Upby ImhotepthewiseIngredientsPaladin's holy mountGargantuan fire beetleCrippled rogueFlooded mineDiaryIntelligent GreatswordThe gargantuan fire beetle as a mobile light source that will become docile and loyal to someone who feeds it was fantastic, and does a good job of explaining its presence. These are obviously dwarven mines, of course, as a gargantuan beetle is, well gargantuan and would fit in only the largest of spaces. Still, this was definitely a strong use of the element, and gives the scenario a very interesting encounter besides!With that said, however, the beetle was the strongest element in this scenario, and everything else fails to meet the same kind of originality and interest. While individual elements are well blended (each piece definitely belongs, something most Iron DMs seem to have trouble managing), the scenario as a whole feels disjointed. There are plenty of things to do (labelled hooks in the scenario), but no central theme - this is more of a party mix of things the players might want to do in some abandoned mines.Unfortunately, this weakens the ingredients somewhat. The diary is interesting, but there is no need for the PCs to read it, use it or even notice it. The rogue and horse might have made the central theme, but this isn't really touched on in the text... if I were to use this, I would probably make getting them out of the caves the whole point of the scenario, and if the rogue were a sympathetic character, getting him & paladin's stuff to the the kindly grandmother would have been a major plot point.Note that some of these things apply to my own scenario with the same ingredients, so I may be calling the kettle black <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink    ;)"  data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" />.In all, I think this scenario would have benefitted greatly from some tying together and smoothing out. The core ideas are good, but execution suffered somewhat for want of polish and a central 'oomph'.</blockquote>

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