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ShortQuests -- individual adventure modules! An all-new collection of digest-sized D&D adventures designed to plug in to your game.

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Message: <blockquote data-quote="MGibster" data-source="post: 9879384" data-attributes="member: 4534">In the old days we just killed them and took their stuff.  I'm just kidding.  Or am I?  The truth is sometimes it can be very difficult for even people with good communication skills to have an adult conversation.  I make a living having difficult conversations with people and even I sometimes let things go on for too long, get frustrated, am overly concerned about hurting feelings, etc., etc.  It's important to remember you cannot expect anything to change unless you're willing to have that uncomfortable conversation.  My overarching principle at work is as follows:  Always protect the dignity of the employee.  It doesn't matter if you're writing a formal warning, they're making a stupid complaint (some complaints are stupid), or you're terminating employment.  Always preserve their dignity as best you can.  I try to keep that attitude when I need to have a conversation with someone in my gaming group.  Here are a few things I've learned over the years. <ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Define what the problem is before you have a conversation.  Make sure you stick to the topic at hand rather than wander all over the place during the conversation. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Decide what you want to get out of the conversation before you have it.  i.e.  What do you want for yourself and others?  </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Make the conversation safe by moderating you voice to avoid sounding angry, having an accusatory tone, etc., etc.  Make it clear that you're not attacking your player, you simply want everyone, including your player, to have a good time.  </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Stick to the specific subject and the facts at hand, taking care not to create heroes or villains.  It's okay to tell the player that doing X makes it difficult for others to do Y, but don't frame it as if the player is a jerk.  </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Talk about how you'd like to see the game played.  </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Talk about how they'd like to see the game played.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Talk about what both of you plan to do moving forward to create a fun atmosphere for everyone.  </li> </ol>This is easier to type out than it is to do in person.  But it's not a bad guideline for having uncomfortable conversations with others.</blockquote>

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