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How should be the future Oriental Adventures.
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<blockquote data-quote="Chaosmancer" data-source="post: 8028660" data-attributes="member: 6801228"><p>A lot of great thoughts in your post, a lot of them that I agree with, but this question inspired me to pull it out and expand on it. </p><p></p><p>I actually don't remember what the series was called, but I was substituting in a classroom and they had three small children's books on bullying. It was the same story, written from the perspective of the Bully, the Victim, and a bystander. </p><p></p><p>Each part showed their experience, their problems, and offered an acronym solution for reaching an understanding. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I bring this up, because your question and other assertions like it keep trying to make this an either/or problem. To illustrate with a bullying example, if someone walks into a room points at a table and says "Hey, fat ugly slob, what slop are you eating?" what is going on? </p><p></p><p>Your question about the "responsibility for our feelings" indicates that the entire weight of the issue, whether or not it is harmful or wrong, is on the victim. They must choose how they feel and accept this and what they do about it. And, to a degree, you are right. They have to figure out how they will react and deal with that. </p><p></p><p>But the bully has some responsibility too right? After all, they are the instigator. If they weren't instigating, then the situation wouldn't happen. </p><p></p><p>But, even beyond that, the bystanders have a responsibility here as well. Do they laugh and side with the bully? Do they stay silent, heads down, and hope they don't get noticed? Do they stand with the victim? </p><p></p><p>I grant, this is real life, and a much more nuanced and complicated issue. If everything were as simple as cafeteria insults the world would be a much better and easier place. But, to be clear, we are in general the bystanders. And we need to choose our actions and how we will go forward. </p><p></p><p>Telling the victim to not let the bully define them is one approach. But telling them to choose not to be affected is a lot harder. And saying that this wouldn't even be an issue if they weren't so sensitive.... is just bullying again. </p><p></p><p>So, yes, everyone has their own responsibility in this situation. Including us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Chaosmancer, post: 8028660, member: 6801228"] A lot of great thoughts in your post, a lot of them that I agree with, but this question inspired me to pull it out and expand on it. I actually don't remember what the series was called, but I was substituting in a classroom and they had three small children's books on bullying. It was the same story, written from the perspective of the Bully, the Victim, and a bystander. Each part showed their experience, their problems, and offered an acronym solution for reaching an understanding. I bring this up, because your question and other assertions like it keep trying to make this an either/or problem. To illustrate with a bullying example, if someone walks into a room points at a table and says "Hey, fat ugly slob, what slop are you eating?" what is going on? Your question about the "responsibility for our feelings" indicates that the entire weight of the issue, whether or not it is harmful or wrong, is on the victim. They must choose how they feel and accept this and what they do about it. And, to a degree, you are right. They have to figure out how they will react and deal with that. But the bully has some responsibility too right? After all, they are the instigator. If they weren't instigating, then the situation wouldn't happen. But, even beyond that, the bystanders have a responsibility here as well. Do they laugh and side with the bully? Do they stay silent, heads down, and hope they don't get noticed? Do they stand with the victim? I grant, this is real life, and a much more nuanced and complicated issue. If everything were as simple as cafeteria insults the world would be a much better and easier place. But, to be clear, we are in general the bystanders. And we need to choose our actions and how we will go forward. Telling the victim to not let the bully define them is one approach. But telling them to choose not to be affected is a lot harder. And saying that this wouldn't even be an issue if they weren't so sensitive.... is just bullying again. So, yes, everyone has their own responsibility in this situation. Including us. [/QUOTE]
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