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How to Improve Exposition
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<blockquote data-quote="Ry" data-source="post: 3109461" data-attributes="member: 8314"><p>Whispering Cairn version (some PCs assumed to be from diamond lake):</p><p></p><p>a. A description of an ugly run-in with Balabar Smenk and his troupe of fawning lackeys. Smenk took offense to some totally innocuous comment by the PC, and the PC got beaten a few days later by an albino half-orc named Kullen. Diamond Lake is a rough town.</p><p></p><p>b. A childhood dare took this PC out to the Stirgenest Cairn, and he even went inside. He got a good, hearty beating for it when he returned home, and assured - with more beatings - that some of the Cairns in the hills near Diamond Lake were in fact inhabited by monsters and undead.</p><p></p><p>c. A quick overview of the different alehouses and brothels along The Vein, noting that the Feral Dog is among the worst, mostly because of Smenk's group of thugs that routinely hang out there (and occasionally shake down other drunken miners in alleys along the vein).</p><p></p><p>d. A description of Tirra - a friend of the PC's family from the Free City - and a rumor that she has fallen in with unsavory company.</p><p></p><p>e. A teenaged Free City recollection of an odious young boy named Filge that had been torturing - and trying to animate - a dog. Filge later got in trouble for it - and hte PC was directly or indirectly involved in word getting out (PC's choice). The PC only saw Filge one or two times after that, but Filge remembers the PC for sure.</p><p></p><p>f. This PC was also involved in the run to Stirgenest Cairn noted in B, but largely got away with it, receiving only light beatings. An uncle of the PC later told a sad story about one of the nearby families, and how after the death of the father a young boy thought he could save the family by treasure hunting in cairns. He was never seen again. The rest of his impoverished family, now without a father and without a strong son, eventually succumbed to sickness and died.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ry, post: 3109461, member: 8314"] Whispering Cairn version (some PCs assumed to be from diamond lake): a. A description of an ugly run-in with Balabar Smenk and his troupe of fawning lackeys. Smenk took offense to some totally innocuous comment by the PC, and the PC got beaten a few days later by an albino half-orc named Kullen. Diamond Lake is a rough town. b. A childhood dare took this PC out to the Stirgenest Cairn, and he even went inside. He got a good, hearty beating for it when he returned home, and assured - with more beatings - that some of the Cairns in the hills near Diamond Lake were in fact inhabited by monsters and undead. c. A quick overview of the different alehouses and brothels along The Vein, noting that the Feral Dog is among the worst, mostly because of Smenk's group of thugs that routinely hang out there (and occasionally shake down other drunken miners in alleys along the vein). d. A description of Tirra - a friend of the PC's family from the Free City - and a rumor that she has fallen in with unsavory company. e. A teenaged Free City recollection of an odious young boy named Filge that had been torturing - and trying to animate - a dog. Filge later got in trouble for it - and hte PC was directly or indirectly involved in word getting out (PC's choice). The PC only saw Filge one or two times after that, but Filge remembers the PC for sure. f. This PC was also involved in the run to Stirgenest Cairn noted in B, but largely got away with it, receiving only light beatings. An uncle of the PC later told a sad story about one of the nearby families, and how after the death of the father a young boy thought he could save the family by treasure hunting in cairns. He was never seen again. The rest of his impoverished family, now without a father and without a strong son, eventually succumbed to sickness and died. [/QUOTE]
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