Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.
Rocket your D&D 5E and Level Up: Advanced 5E games into space! Alpha Star Magazine Is Launching... Right Now!

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Vraille Darkfang" data-source="post: 2270510" data-attributes="member: 16989">One more time (I can’t count very high so I’ll just start over):1.    When you show up at the game, your girlfriend is sitting next to the DM and he tells you she’ll take off one garment for each critical he gets & put one piece back on for each critical you get.2.    He introduces you to his mom.  She seems waaaaaay too interested in the family’s pet rat.  Keeps referring to him as ‘Dear’3.    Death by Snu-Snu.  This involves a bunch of Trolls, Formorians, and Ettins.  It is unclear who is the Snu-er and who is the Snu-ee.4.    Mortal Fear of  Cats.5.    When you show up at the game, your girlfriend is sitting next to the DM and he tells you she’ll take off one garment for each critical he gets & one for each critical you get.6.    Your DM looks like Alicia Keys and every time you roll a saves she flashes you to…..(Wait, that’s how to know your having a DM FANTASY.  Sorry, my bad).7.    Every time you fail a save versus an Electrical Effect: CATTLE PROD.8.    He’s got plenty of Mountain Dew in the fridge.  When you need to go to the bathroom he says it’s broken, just use the 2 liters in the fridge.  You wonder about the chocolate bars in the back.9.    If you have an immunity to something, every monster you encounter will have a ‘Special’ or ‘Unique’ property that totally negates your special immunity.10.    When you show up at the game, your sister is sitting next to the DM and he tells you she’ll take off one garment for each critical he gets & one for each critical you get.11.    Every Magic item you receive was designed for Mae West.  (Kids, ask your parents).12.    Every time a monster hits you….BAM! BB Gun to the crotch.13.    All the Kool-Aid you can drink.  DM informs you if you leave the table, he’ll take control of your character while you’re gone.  States he thinks your character has been really depressed lately, giving all his worldly possessions to charity might help.14.     When you spend your treasure on Ale & Whores, he leaves the police an ‘anonymous tip’ about a 'friend soliciting a prostitute’.15.    When you show up at the game, your Mother is sitting next to the DM and he tells you she’ll take off one garment for each critical he gets & one for each critical you get.16.    DM gives you random flaws, like ‘Hyperactive Bladder’ ‘Erectile Dysfunction’ (esp when playing a female character) and ‘Explosive Flatulence’ (where you get the Fire subtype, but go through 100 gp of pants a week).17.    If you have a Holy Weapon, every monster you fight will have a non-evil alignment, even Lucifer king of Devils.18.    All Trap Search DC’s are ‘Whatever you got, +1’.19.    All ambushes occur when the character most reliant on heavy armor is urinating/defecating.20.    When you show up at the game, your Grandmother is sitting next to the DM and he tells you she’ll take off one garment for each critical he gets & one for each critical you get.  DM says it’s ‘Thong Thursday’.21.    DM invokes ‘Pizza Privilege’ to get Anchovy & Pineapple on the pizza.22.    Charges $1.50 to use his bathroom (to cover ‘expenses’).23.    DM uses your bathroom.  You have to call the EPA & get it declared a ‘Toxic Waste Dump’24.    If you kill it, you have to eat it.  Campaign features a lot of oozes and undead.25.    When you show up at the game, your Grandfather is sitting next to the DM and he tells you she’ll take off one garment for each critical he gets & one for each critical you get.  DM says it’s ‘G-String Sunday’.26.    DM insists all his players must have a Prostate/Gynecological Exam before the game begins.  He offers to do it ‘for free’.  Surprising well equipped ‘medical lab’ in his basement.27.     Fully stocked Dungeon/Torture Chamber in the basement where…..(Damn, there’s that DM Fantasy Chart again.  Sorry, won’t happen again).28.    You have your stuff in Extra dimensional space inside your adamantine full plate codpiece; inside chastity belt with DC 100 Lock; inside your, umm, well inside.  You still get all your coins pick-pocketed by every street urchin you come across.29.    DM makes you use his ‘lucky’ dice.  They appear to be identical to early d20’s that were really d10’s since they have 1-10 on them twice.30.    If you make an untrained skill check, you will Maim/Kill yourself.  Your elf died by shoving an iron spike through his head while trying to listen at a door.31.    When you show up at the game, Richard Simmons is sitting next to the DM and he tells you he’ll take off one garment for each critical he gets & one for each critical you get.  Richard screams “Keen weapons for Everybody!”</blockquote>

Verification