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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Wik" data-source="post: 5364179" data-attributes="member: 40177">Okay, two stories, one in which I'm a player, and one in which I'm the GM.First story happened a few years ago.  Now, the guy that was running it, who we'll call "Pito" (as it was his nickname at the time) knew me fairly well, but didn't know about this one particular discomfort zone of mine.  Namely, that I *hate* referencing sexual assault in any connotation.  Without going into too many details, I'll just say I know two people who have been victims of that.  (For those that know me in real life and maybe are idly curious, I can honestly say it's no one you've ever met).  I heard secondhand the details of both events.   Thinking about it makes my skin crawl.    But I digress.The GM at the time didn't know about my hangup, and you could tell that he didn't really think too much on the nature of that sort of violent crime.  And I don't blame him - after all, we've played in D&D sessions that had gore left right and centre, dead children, zombie children, crows picking eyes out of sockets, incestful ghouls, inbred mongrelfolk, twisted genetic crossbreeding, hints of bestiality... the list goes on and on.  We had previously established through play that this was a "Dark" campaign.  And I had thrown some pretty nasty things at the group when it was my turn to GM.  Why should this be any different?Anyways, he set up an encounter where the PCs were supposed to be rescuing a girl from an assault.  I locked up.  As the GM described the scene (and he intended it to be a short, funny scene, a fact which still makes me angry years later, even though I don't really blame him for anything), I literally went from a happy player engaged in the game to one that was really, REALLY uncomfortable.  I tried dropping hints that I was uncomfortable that the GM didn't catch.  When it came my time to make an action, I made choices that allowed my character to be the furthest away from the subject matter (basically, "I'll guard the back").  After two rounds, I made an excuse and left the room "Run my PC while I'm gone".The GM never realized I was uncomfortable, although the other players did.  We never spoke about that encounter, but I have a feeling they may have said something to him.  To this day, I'm not upset at the GM in anyway;  I am kind of upset that I never said anything.   Because I really believe that, in a situation like this, where the group has already set a prior precedent for bad/"vile" situations, that the onus was on me to set up boundaries.  ***Second situation was yours truly as the GM.  This actually happened last week, and it completely blindsided me - namely because what had made me uncomfortable was something I never would have thought would MAKE me uncomfortable.  This time, it wasn't as big a thing, just one of those shudder/creepy crawly moments.  See, worst nightmare I ever had involved me being strangled by a garrotte.  Literally, ten+ years later, I can still vividly remember the nightmare - and no, I have no clue where it came from.  So, last session, one of our PCs garrottes a harpy and my skin starts crawling.  I laughed it off, because my reaction was kind of funny (I cringe when I see that on TV, but who knew it'd bug me in a game?), and then I shuddered a bit.  "Yeah, that really creeps me out.  Can we avoid going into the details, here?" I more or less said.  I didn't want to negate the player's actions, and just did my best not to think about the scene.  Basically, on that player's turn, everything was mechanics until the deed was done (Thank god we were running 4e and not, say, Dread!) iIn this second case, I know I handled the scene right - I mentioned it made me uncomfortable, but it didn't make me uncomfortable enough to completely avoid it in game.  If we were running an assassin-style game, it might be a different case, but as a one-off sort of thing, I don't really mind.***Here's the thing.  I've been thinking that, as a GM, our boundaries/areas of discomfort often have less traction than as a player.  AS a player, if I come across something I dislike or disagree with, I have the right to disengage from the situation.  I don't have to stop the game to avoid this area of discomfort - I can even say "I don't like this, I'm going to leave the room while Bob plays my Barbarian" and let the GM make a future note.  As a GM, I don't have the option to disengage.  If the player does something I find very uncomfortable, I can say to the player "Bob, that's disgusting." and that should be that.  But if the player is doing something that isn't widely seen by the group as being something that would cause creepy-crawlies (maybe, for example, using a power or spell that might remind a GM of an unusual phobia), the GM can't really shut down the game.  As a GM, all I can do is say "this makes me uncomfortable" and reduce the events to a mechanical level while letting the PCs supply the details in their imaginations.Thoughts?</blockquote>

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