Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Elf Witch" data-source="post: 5831237" data-attributes="member: 9037">It is kind of complicated how I feel about things in the past. I can see that they were wrong and  feel disgust that they happened.  But I don't feel shame because I was not alive and there was no way for me to have any ability to effect what happened or even speak out while it was happening.Now things that happen now is different I can be disgusted at my fellow Americans for things they have done and if I just sit back and do nothing about something I find wrong then I feel personal shame. I am mother and when my son was a teen he went through a period of acting out even breaking the law. I was angry at him because he had been raised better. But I didn't feel personal shame. Shame is a negative emotion and it means to feel guilty , to feel dishonest. At least that is how I take the meaning of the word. His acting out was not a reflection on how I raised him. He was acting out because he was filled with hurt, anger and suffering from PTSD from being kidnapped when he was eight. All I could do was get him help , stand by him while he dealt with the consequences of his actions. In the end things turned out okay and he grew up to deal with his demons and become a wonderful human being.Unless you raised your kids badly and didn't teach them right from wrong  once they become teens and adults some of their behavior is on them not you. You can be disgusted and disappointed with their behavior but feeling guilty and shameful is counter productive. It is like blaming yourself and asking where did I go wrong. Sometimes you didn't do anything wrong.I spent a lot of time getting therapy on this learning to deal with the guilt and the lesson I learned was that we can't control everything that happens in life and that guilt and shame are useless emotions that prey on you preventing you from moving forward. There is a big difference between acknowledging you did something wrong and be truly sorry and wallowing in guilt and shame, Which usually moves into self pity.I take personal responsibility for my actions but I refuse to feel guilty or like I lack honor because of someone else actions. I don't know if this makes any sense to you.</blockquote>

Verification