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Message: <blockquote data-quote="delericho" data-source="post: 4598494" data-attributes="member: 22424">A 'tradition' like that can only work if all the people involved are onboard with the idea. This includes the DM and all the players and any significant others, children, and others. It sounds like your player booked this time without properly consulting with his wife, and got burned as a result.Basically, I would recommend you get used to the idea that the days of this tradition are numbered. Because even if this player drops out and ceases to present an issue, it is very likely that the rest of your group will one day marry, and be unavailable.However, if you really want to keep it going, then be aware that the day after Thanksgiving just won't work once you have families to deal with. There is too much holiday nuttiness to deal with. Instead, you should pick some other day, perhaps a random Tuesday in August, and have everyone agree to take the day off work to gather that day. That might work. (Sound like too much sacrifice for a day of gaming? Then be prepared to lose the all-day game entirely.)You do have a legitimate grievance, and it is this: the player should have been honest and up front with you guys, and said, "I'm sorry, I just can't make it." Unfortunately, I suspect he didn't want to face up to that reality himself.Take that attitude, and you'll lose the player. You don't know the inner workings of his marriage.It is a good idea, but not because it will "force the issue".You seem to be adopting the position that your player's wife is an enemy to be overcome. She isn't, or else you would be doomed. Force a guy to choose between his wife and his game, and you'll lose. Every time.What you need to do is learn some diplomacy, and try to make the wife an ally, or at least someone you can negotiate with reasonably.So:1) Suggest gaming at their place. Whether they go for it or not, you should also invite the wife to join the game, either permanently or for a session or two.2) Suggest some non-gaming things you guys can do, and make sure to invite the player's wife (plus any other wives or girlfriends of players). The focus should be on getting to know the people involved, and opening a dialogue. Your player's wife will be a whole lot more comfortable with her husband meeting up with Joe than with "some guy he hangs out with."3) If and when this guy has to cancel the game due to family commitments, be nothing but understanding. No matter how much you have to hold your tongue. No matter how it tries your patience. Or lose the player. (The only exception is this: I would insist that the player be honest with you about when he can play, and not make commitments he can't keep. That's just basic manners.)</blockquote>

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