Wolfspirit
First Post
(Note that this isn't a list including Piratecat, it's a pastiche of The Evil Overlord List )
So you think you're an evil DM. Well, what would *you* do if you were a kobold/orc/goblin/fodder leader, overseeing a dungeon? Here's a few things I would do, to start:
1. The entrance to my dungeon will not be a cave surrounded by my enemies' heads on pikes . This never frightens adventurers; in fact it seems to attract more. Instead, I will make the entrance to my dungeon in a shrine to a nuetral god that doesn't believe my race should be exterminated. The door will be hidden in the well paid acolyte's room behind a wall hanging saying "home sweet home".
2. I will keep heavily trapped kegs of ale near the entrance to my dungeon. Adventurers loose all sense of suspicion and self preservation when they see these, for some reason.
3. I will not keep wolves, dire rats, or similar vermin as pets. Instead I will have a pet rust monster named Fluffy, and when resources are available I will have him polymorphed into a disgustingly cute puppy.
4. My Minions of Evil will be encouraged to play darts rather than dice or other games of chance. Not only does this hone precision, it will keep them from being huddled on the ground weaponless in their off hours.
5. I will not find it necessary to wear badges of authority including crowns or expensive clothing. All of my Minions of Evil should know me on sight, as opposed to adventures whom think all goblins/orcs/etc look alike. Instead, as a form of punishment, one of my Minions of Evil will be dressed up and called Master by everyone, including me.
6. I will not sleep in the largest room in the dungeon with large chests liberaly spread around. That will be Master's. I will sleep in a comfortable hammock in a storage closet. Oh, and the chests in Master's room will be heavily trapped and filled with fool's gold and glass gems.
7. I will not subjugate the females of my race. Allthough it might be kind of kinky in an S&M way, they allways rebel at the wrong time, if not outright join the adventurers to liberate themselves. Also, every woman and child will be well trained and equiped with weaponry. "Non-combatant" shouldn't be a word in their vocabulary.
8. I will not store powerfull magic items in my dungeon that I have no reason or ability to use, such as weapons that are too large for my Minions of Darkness to use or holy swords. A sunblade that holds the soul of a slain paladin isn't even worth thinking about. These will be given to Fluffy as a treat because he is such a good boy.
9. If my dungeon isn't made from natural tunnels, I will not make 8' ceilings for no appearant reason.
10. If, for some reason it looks like my Minions of Darkness are being defeated, I will flee through one of my escape routes (well hidden potions of gaseous form can do wonders for this). Better to live and learn. I will then return a week later after the adventurers have moved on to ransack another cavern, while fixing whatever mistake in my defenses there was.
<continue from there>
So you think you're an evil DM. Well, what would *you* do if you were a kobold/orc/goblin/fodder leader, overseeing a dungeon? Here's a few things I would do, to start:
1. The entrance to my dungeon will not be a cave surrounded by my enemies' heads on pikes . This never frightens adventurers; in fact it seems to attract more. Instead, I will make the entrance to my dungeon in a shrine to a nuetral god that doesn't believe my race should be exterminated. The door will be hidden in the well paid acolyte's room behind a wall hanging saying "home sweet home".
2. I will keep heavily trapped kegs of ale near the entrance to my dungeon. Adventurers loose all sense of suspicion and self preservation when they see these, for some reason.
3. I will not keep wolves, dire rats, or similar vermin as pets. Instead I will have a pet rust monster named Fluffy, and when resources are available I will have him polymorphed into a disgustingly cute puppy.
4. My Minions of Evil will be encouraged to play darts rather than dice or other games of chance. Not only does this hone precision, it will keep them from being huddled on the ground weaponless in their off hours.
5. I will not find it necessary to wear badges of authority including crowns or expensive clothing. All of my Minions of Evil should know me on sight, as opposed to adventures whom think all goblins/orcs/etc look alike. Instead, as a form of punishment, one of my Minions of Evil will be dressed up and called Master by everyone, including me.
6. I will not sleep in the largest room in the dungeon with large chests liberaly spread around. That will be Master's. I will sleep in a comfortable hammock in a storage closet. Oh, and the chests in Master's room will be heavily trapped and filled with fool's gold and glass gems.
7. I will not subjugate the females of my race. Allthough it might be kind of kinky in an S&M way, they allways rebel at the wrong time, if not outright join the adventurers to liberate themselves. Also, every woman and child will be well trained and equiped with weaponry. "Non-combatant" shouldn't be a word in their vocabulary.
8. I will not store powerfull magic items in my dungeon that I have no reason or ability to use, such as weapons that are too large for my Minions of Darkness to use or holy swords. A sunblade that holds the soul of a slain paladin isn't even worth thinking about. These will be given to Fluffy as a treat because he is such a good boy.
9. If my dungeon isn't made from natural tunnels, I will not make 8' ceilings for no appearant reason.
10. If, for some reason it looks like my Minions of Darkness are being defeated, I will flee through one of my escape routes (well hidden potions of gaseous form can do wonders for this). Better to live and learn. I will then return a week later after the adventurers have moved on to ransack another cavern, while fixing whatever mistake in my defenses there was.
<continue from there>
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