Dark Jezter
First Post
One of the classic fantasy/gaming pieces of humor on the internet is the Rules for Writing a Fantasy Novel. While amusing, the list is too short and dosen't even really begin to scratch the surface of the cliches that have become common in fantasy literatue.
So, I thought I'd allow the people of this forum to list their own rules for writing a fantasy novel. I can't wait to see what you come up with.
I'll get the ball rolling...
1. Elves come in two flavors: the curious, friendly, and helpful young elf, or the infinately wise, patient, and aloof older elf. Both types of elves love nature, singing, and being just plain better than any of the other races.
2. The heroes will encounter a shadowy, mysterious character watching them from the darkness at the back of the tavern. He's either a servant of the dark lord, or someone willing to offer aid to the heroes.
3. If you have a "good" race, you need an "evil" race to serve as their ancient enemies. The good race and the evil race often share a common ancestry.
4. The more powerful a wizard is supposed to be, the LESS likely it is that he'll use his magic to aid the heroes. He'll instead give them a tidbit of wisdom or two before departing.
5. If the hero is being tortured, all he has to do is think of his true love, and he'll forget about the agonizing pain he's in.
6. If the main hero and the main heroine are both introduced in the first book of the series, there will be at least thee more books of romantic tension between them before they finally get together.
7. The princess is either a spoiled priss, or a sassy tomboy who is bored with life in the royal court. If the heroes have been sent to retrieve her, it's either because she's been kidnapped (if she's a priss), or because she ran away to get out of an arranged marriage (if she's a tomboy).
8. The villain will send a trusted lieutenant to deal with the heroes. The lieutenant will either be killed by the heroes or run away when the troops under his command are defeated. In case if the latter, the lieutenant will be killed for his failure. Either way, lieutenants of the Dark Lord don't have very long life expectancies.
9. When the hero finds out that he's the chosen one, he'll brood about how much it sucks to be powerful.
So, I thought I'd allow the people of this forum to list their own rules for writing a fantasy novel. I can't wait to see what you come up with.
I'll get the ball rolling...
1. Elves come in two flavors: the curious, friendly, and helpful young elf, or the infinately wise, patient, and aloof older elf. Both types of elves love nature, singing, and being just plain better than any of the other races.
2. The heroes will encounter a shadowy, mysterious character watching them from the darkness at the back of the tavern. He's either a servant of the dark lord, or someone willing to offer aid to the heroes.
3. If you have a "good" race, you need an "evil" race to serve as their ancient enemies. The good race and the evil race often share a common ancestry.
4. The more powerful a wizard is supposed to be, the LESS likely it is that he'll use his magic to aid the heroes. He'll instead give them a tidbit of wisdom or two before departing.
5. If the hero is being tortured, all he has to do is think of his true love, and he'll forget about the agonizing pain he's in.
6. If the main hero and the main heroine are both introduced in the first book of the series, there will be at least thee more books of romantic tension between them before they finally get together.
7. The princess is either a spoiled priss, or a sassy tomboy who is bored with life in the royal court. If the heroes have been sent to retrieve her, it's either because she's been kidnapped (if she's a priss), or because she ran away to get out of an arranged marriage (if she's a tomboy).
8. The villain will send a trusted lieutenant to deal with the heroes. The lieutenant will either be killed by the heroes or run away when the troops under his command are defeated. In case if the latter, the lieutenant will be killed for his failure. Either way, lieutenants of the Dark Lord don't have very long life expectancies.
9. When the hero finds out that he's the chosen one, he'll brood about how much it sucks to be powerful.
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