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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Branduil" data-source="post: 1277299" data-attributes="member: 11617">DM: Okay, Mike, you've just returned from being routed at Osgiliath. Your father is waiting for you. Steve?Mike: Whoa, wait a minute, Steve is playing my father? I thought he was going to be an NPC?DM: He was, but then you killed Steve's Southron character.Steve: Yeah! Why do you always have to shoot first! I was going to have this great, emotionally-conflicted Southron who would help you bring together both sides in the war.Mike: Hey, I said I was sorry! I thought you were charging. Anyway, I did that monologue for you, remember? "I wonder if he really was evil, yadda yadda yadda..." what more do you want?Steve: You'll see...Mike: I don't like this, he's going to use his new character for revenge!DM: No he won't, I already talked to him about it. Denethor is a noble character. Now, what do you say to Faramir, Steve.Steve: I, Denethor, order him to retake Osgiliath.Mike: What!DM: Uh, Steve, there's about 10,000 Orcs in Osgiliath right now. Faramir doesn't stand a chance. Don't you think Denethor would want to keep his son alive?Steve: Son smun! I order Faramir to retake Osgiliath, and I tell him I wish he would have died instead of Boromir. DM: sigh Alright, what do you do, Mike?Mike: Well, I'm kind of sick of this character anyway. I charge straight towards Osgiliath.Steve: Die, sucka!DM: Where's my tylenol...?-----------------------------Mike: I made my stabilizing roll!Steve: What!!!DM: Ok, your horse drags you back into Minas Tirith. Steve?Steve: Stinkin' dice. My dice have deserted me. They've betrayed me. My characters always die. Why me? DM: Roll a spot check.Steve: 15.DM: You notice 20,000 Orcs on the plains below.Steve: Man, I've had it. This Steward stuff seemed like it'd be cool, but I can't even kill my stinkin' son. I start raving and I tell all my soldiers to kill myself.DM: Gandalf, are you just going to stand there and listen?Gandalf: Huh? You want me to fight something? Cause my new +4 staff is leet. DM: No, I mean talk to Denethor! Your diplomacy score is through the roof, remember? I gave you that stat bonus for a reason, come on, roleplay this out you guys, please.Steve: He doesn't even let me have any magic items... except that Palantir thingy... and all that does is show me my past character's deaths...Gandalf: I wack him with my 'leet staff.DM: By "whack him with your staff" you mean "talk him out of his madness" right?Gandalf: No, I frelling whack him with my staff! *rolls*29!DM: *sigh* I'm gonna need more Tylenol. That hits. Denthor lies unconscious on the ground.Gandalf: I loot his body! Got any cool magic items? DM: He doesn't have any magic items! He's a ruler, not an adventurer for crying out loud! And the soldiers don't seem to be too happy about you beating their ruler.Gandalf: Oh... well, I still have that diplomacy bonus, right? I tell them that, in Maia culture, knocking someone out is a sign of affection. Then I tell them to keep fightin' and stuff.DM: Ok, but something so impossibly, incredibly stupid will give you a -20 penalty on your Diplomacy roll.Gandalf: With negative... 18!DM: They believe you.---------Steve: Man, I hate this. Are there any of my guards around?DM: Er... yes.Steve: Sweet. I tell them to take Mike's body and put it in a pile of wood. And then burn it. Until Mike is dead. DM: You know Faramir is still alive, right?Steve: Yes, but not for long! I start cackling with maniacal glee!Mike: I told you!Steve: Shut up you're unconcious!DM: Okay the guards obey. Pippin?Pippin: I try to save Faramir.Steve: Oh no you don't! I grapple Pippin and throw him out!Pippin: Darn size penalty. I go tell Gandalf that Denthor is burning Faramir with his equipment.Gandalf: Burning magic items! Not on my watch! Hi-ho Shadowfax!DM: Okay, you find Denthor about to burn himself and his son!Steve: Revenge is sweet.Gandalf: Ha, I rolled 25 on my initiative. I grapple Denethor.Steve: No!Pippin: I grab Faramir and save him.Steve: That's it. I try to free myself from Gandalf. rolls 30?DM: You're free.Steve: I set myself on fire! I embrace sweet, sweet death.DM: Uh, that's great. You take 1d6 fire damage.Steve: Are you kidding me? I just fricking covered myself in oil and setm yself on fire? How can it take 10 rounds to kill me?DM: Those are the rules.Steve: I don't want to wait that long. I run out of the room and I jump off the courtyard, screaming "Adriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn!!!!"Gandalf: Crap, now I can't loot his body.DM: He never had any magic items!</blockquote>

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