Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Inez Hull" data-source="post: 488554" data-attributes="member: 5114">III: The Leadership CrisisOur little band of adventurers stand suspended at the edge of a small wooded vale. They watch disinterestedly as a scrub covered hill forms hazily in the middle distance, as the Master of the Polygons drones on...“...its crown surmounted by a squat tower surrounded by a wooden palisade. Both ivy-clad tower and wall are in urgent need of repair...,”“This it then?” Spud, the gruesome halfling thief asked.“Must be, he only ever describes the dangerous bits”, Mango replied, making last minute adjustments to his gear.“Yep, pretty obvious. Walled palisade. Ruined tower. Dungeon-riddled hill. Looks like all your standard ingredients”, said Wilson rooting through spell components.”...a babbling brook hurries across the lower reaches of the scree...,”“Why do we dally? The young maiden, Rowena, is in grave danger”, Virgil, the paladin chaffed.“She is now we’re here!” Spud grinned.”...a brace of marsh hen take flight from the weedy scrub covering the lower slope.”“She’ll be al’right, pretty boy”, said Shana, stringing her bow. “The scene with the girl, the cleaver and the cooking pot won’t start rolling until we’re there to see it happen.”“Yeah, one of the Unwritten Laws of Adventuring, the demon never turns up until we walk through the door”, muttered Wilson, bemusedly examining a wriggling carp.“Dappled sunlight plays across the backs of the horses as they nuzzle each other nervously...,”“Any big monsters, yet?” asked Spud.“Nope”, said Wilson, tossing the carp to a grateful Zeek.“Did anyone remember to bring the bread rolls?” asked Zeek.“...the long green grass before you..., um..., sways gently in the breeze..., ah, bugger it...,” The omnipresent droning stopped. There was a brief sound like a sigh from the heavens.“Right, thank Shannafria that’s over with”, said Wilson cheerily. “First things first. What we’ll do is...”,“Hold on a minute”, interrupted Mango. “Who died and left you archlich?”“Well, I just thought...”,“Well don’t, I do all the thinking around here. As leader of this party, I....”,“Leader! Elected by whom?” asked Wilson.Shana looked at Spud, then wishing she hadn’t, gulped back the bile. Zeek buried his head in a saddle bag. “Knew I’d put this somewhere”, he said, triumphantly holding aloft a thoroughly squished sticky bun. “Tea anyone?”“Adventurer’s Code, bucko!” continued Mango ignoring the interruption. “Highest ranking warrior always calls the shots.” He tousled his long yellow locks. “Always has done.”“Adventurer’s what?” scoffed Wilson. “Just ‘cos you’re best at thuggery.”“How about Shana for leader. I’d rather follow her anytime”, said Spud leering.“Right then!” said Mango miffed. “Break with ten years of tradition, see if I care! I’m off to Brasso me gorget.”“Now look what you’ve done, Wilson. You know Mango’s so sensitive”, said Shana patting her horse.“Blondes!” Wilson threw up his hands. “I’ll tell him we had a vote and he won.”A few hours later a beautifully picturesque sunset hid coquettishly behind the distant tower but the moment was completely wasted on the A-Team, all they noticed was one moment it was day, the next, night.“Time to go”, Mango growled above his sparkling gorget. Along the stockade palisade, a pair of orc guards swung in a slow lumbering gait. Spud turned to the A-Team smiling.“Five minute turn around. Plenty of time. Up the wall there, knife the fat one, along the walkway, knife the thin one. Rope down the wall, haul up the clanky thumpy folk and on to victory. Easy.”Wilson asked, “And if they don’t die with one knife stab?”Spud pulled a thin blade from a lined pocket in his boot. A sticky yellow substance dripped slowly from the wickedly pointed tip. Spud chuckled, “They always die from one stab!”Wilson nodded approvingly, but Virgil shuddered with revulsion. “Surely, ugly Spudling, even one as lowly as you would not stoop to battle with such a tainted weapon?”“Battle? No. Murder, yes!”“This is not the honourable way to conduct a rescue. We should call out their leader and offer them terms”, said Virgil.“Terms! Talk to orcs. That’s a new one”, said Mango. “When was the last time we did that?”“Scrofula’ s Deep, back in ‘79”, said Wilson, ‘Remember?”“Oh, yeah. That time we got a whole sentence out before getting bored and fireballing the lot of ‘em.”“I remember. The orcs looked like scorched marshmallows afterwards. I wonder if there’s a kitchen in this one?” Zeek’s more than ample tummy rumbled.“Er, just the one other thing before we go”, said Shana, the ranger. “What are we going to do about the horses?”“Same as always”, Wilson replied, “hobble them and leave ‘em here.”“Will they be safe?” Shana asked.“Who gives a rat’s @rse”, Mango spat. “Never in all my adventuring days have I known a group return for the horses. Always come out of the dungeon leagues from your starting point. Must be hundreds of starving tethered horses scattered across the multiverse waiting for adventurers who’ve buggered off!” Shana looked horrified.“Damn the horses!” Spud lovingly turned over the gooey-bladed knife in his hand. “This stuff cost more than all of them put together. It won’t stay fresh forever.”“I still cannot condone the use of illicit substances”, Virgil announced. “I will not allow it.”“Horses have feelings you know”, Shana simpered.The skewed gears in Wilson’s devious mind could almost be heard grinding and clacking into place as he formulated the perfect solution. “Shana has a point, the horse’s left alone might get eaten by something...”, he said cagily.“What a waste,” said Abel Zeek.“...someone clever and brave should lead them to a safe corral somewhere in the woods back there. Any volunteers?” Wilson asked without so much as a glance at the paladin.Right on cue Virgil raised his hand. “I shall be proud to take on this perilous task.”“Great”, said Wilson, as he watched the paladin lead the horses away. The mage turned to Spud, “Off you go then, he’ll be back soon enough.”Spud silently scampered off. His backpack tied down, the little thief looked like a hunchbacked spider as he scaled the wooden wall with ease. The others watched as first one, then the other orc disappeared behind the parapet.“Nice”, admitted Wilson begrudgingly.Upon Virgil’s return the party moved to the wall which proved to be easily climbed with the aid of Spud’s rope. Once over the wall and into the courtyard, however, they were surprised by a beast whose poor description was its downfall.“What ho! Die you fiend from Hell!“ shouted Virgil as he spitted the stockade’s resident porker. The pig grunted then lay still. Death is swift for a one-stab creature.“You steaming great twit!” Wilson spat.The others looked down at Virgil’s kill. Zeek paused to cut a haunch off the ‘fiend from hell’. “For later”, he explained.The bold band made a beeline for the heavy door at the foot of the tower. Spud put a cauliflower ear against the door.“Nothing”, he whispered then retracted a silver wire from the edging of his collar and began twiddling it in the lock.“Erm”, coughed Mango. “Did you try the handle first?”There was a distinct click of the mechanism turning. Spud looked sheepish as he tested the door and found he’d locked it.“Has he c0cked up again?” Wilson asked smugly.“Yeah, but at least his hand didn’t get blown off this time”, Mango replied, leaning on his sword.A minute later Spud was able to reverse the lock and swung the door wide to the drone of more description...,“...saliva dribbles like green syrup from the corner of the huge drooling beast’s mouth. The creature sways rhythmically from foot to foot, a huge rust-edged axe swinging easily between gauntleted fists. Piggy bloodshot eyes squint without emotion at the crowd of adventurers ogling through the wide open door. A slow grin breaks across its face as it lurches forward...,”Startled, Spud sprang away with surprising agility for one so deformed. As he debunked he called over his shoulder, “Er..., Mango, its for you!”</blockquote>

Verification