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[Humour] The Adventures of the A-Team - Story 3?? Aussie posters help please!
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<blockquote data-quote="Inez Hull" data-source="post: 515359" data-attributes="member: 5114"><p><strong>VIII: A Geometry Lesson</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p><em>The bottles of pop were drained. The last of the nibblies scoffed. A wry smirk settled on the murderous visage of the Lord of the Polygons. The A-team trapped! Surrounded! And worse still, their heroic leader missing. A doomed look descended on the Merry Band. It seemed that the end was nigh...</em></p><p><em>...besides which, it was nearly pack up time.</em></p><p></p><p>“Looks bad”, Wilson surveyed the sea of pig-snouted faces.</p><p></p><p>“Sure does”, agreed Zeek licking his lips. “That’s the last of the creams. Down to plain bickies now.”</p><p></p><p>Wilson turned to Virgil. “Well, duly elected leader, what’s your plan?”</p><p></p><p>Virgil had a rather painful look upon his face as he thought hard. “Umm, now what would Mango do in this situation?”.</p><p></p><p>“What he already has”, said Spud, “bolt for the nearest door!”</p><p></p><p>“Not a bad plan that”, Virgil scanned the room for obvious signs of exit. “Too many orcs in the way. Only one thing left to do then. We’ll have to kill them all.”</p><p></p><p>“What?” spluttered Wilson, “there’ s millions of them! How we gonna kill all of ‘em.”</p><p></p><p>Virgil smiled grimly, drawing his blade with a flourish. “Methodically, but without malice, for that is our way!”</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>Whilst elsewhere...</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>“Damn it then!” Mango lumbered off down the hallway. “If that’s the way they feel, I’ll just bugger off by myself.” The first junction loomed.</p><p></p><p>“RIGHT!” he announced, deliberately flouting A-Team convention which maintained the next encounter was always around the next left hand turn.</p><p></p><p>“RIGHT!” he announced again at the next intersection, ignoring the plaintive cries of a girl in obvious need of rescue down the left hand corridor.</p><p></p><p>“RIGHT!” he announced at the next crossroads, denying the existence of a large neon sign pointing left that read ‘A-Team Sacrifice & Rescue this way’.</p><p></p><p>Suddenly, a chill damp descended over Mango. He scowled. “Drat!! Some gods have no sense of humour...”, was all he could get out before a blinding light enveloped him and a gargantuan thumb and forefinger snatched him up.</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>But with the rest of the A-Team...</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>As Virgil and Shana went about their work, the heap of orcish dead and wounded was increasing logarithmically.</p><p></p><p>“Yo!” burbled Virgil happily as another orc head bounced across the floor. “Brill! Low-life, two hits per round! Don’t you just love first-level greeblies.”</p><p></p><p>Shana’s blade flickered, first one, then a second orc fell cleanly sliced. “Yup, all seems a bit too easy really...,” with a nervous glance upwards.</p><p></p><p>Ineffectual blows rained upon them as the orcs frantically tried to come to terms with the fact that their attacks simply bounced off the pair. “Joys of low armour class”, Virgil beamed, then promptly dispatched a round dozen foes.</p><p></p><p>“Healing anyone?” Zeek strolled up waving his feather. “Blessings, resurrections, bible stories with happy endings?”</p><p></p><p>“You must be joking”, retorted Virgil indignantly. “They’ve hardly enough levels amongst them to scratch my armour class let alone injure me!”</p><p></p><p>“Just trying to help”, Zeek snorted and wandered off to the rear where the non-fighter element was enjoying a bite to eat.</p><p></p><p>The roar of battle began to diminish. The ores were falling back through the door in disarray. “Flip!” cursed Virgil, then turned bright red at his lack of self control. “Over so soon?”</p><p></p><p>“Something nasty’s coming”, observed Shana. “It always goes quiet when we’re winning. Give’s Him time to think”, Shana glanced up again.</p><p></p><p>Virgil put his boot to the door, and it slumped open. Beyond, a new larger breed of orc was forming up into a neat shield wall formation with pikes spiking out in front of it.</p><p></p><p>“Gee”, said Virgil, “That’s a bit clever. I’ve a plan, though. I’ll commence a frontal assault whilst the missile troops provide covering fire.”</p><p></p><p>“The who?” asked Spud, doing a double take.</p><p></p><p>“You and Shana. With bows.”</p><p></p><p>Spud nodded understanding. Shana and Spud readied their bows as Virgil marched merrily toward the pikes.</p><p></p><p>“What’s going on up front?” asked Wilson getting a bit bored at the rear of the adventure. He sauntered up to have a look at what was going on at the pointy end of the adventure.</p><p></p><p>Zeek shrugged. “Dunno. Virgil wants us to provide some fire, I think.”</p><p></p><p>“Fire?” Wilson perked up. “Really? I wouldn’t have thought it appropriate in this confined space. Are you sure, Zeek?”</p><p></p><p>“I’ll check. Wouldn’t want to make any mistakes now would we?” Zeek bustled forward.</p><p></p><p>‘What do you want us to do?” he asked the embattled paladin.</p><p></p><p>“Fire!” yelled Virgil. “Fire over their heads.”</p><p></p><p>Zeek returned to the rear and announced to Wilson, “The chief says fire when ready, right over their heads.”</p><p></p><p>“He’s the boss”, Wilson shrugged and began to rhythmically weave his hands together, muttering to himself. Before long the acrid odour of ozone filled the room as a pale blue light formed around his hands. Wilson giggled in manic glee as the pale light coalesced into a crackling ball and rose majestically into the centre of the chamber. The room silenced as all eyes, adventurers and ores alike, were involuntarily drawn to the menacing beauty hovering in the air.</p><p></p><p>“Is that what I think it is?” asked Virgil pausing in mid-decapitation.</p><p></p><p>“Couldn’t be.” Shana’s voice seemed to rise a little. “No one in their right mind would release one of those in here.”</p><p></p><p>All turned automatically to look at Wilson who waved and grinned sheepishly from behind the half-closed door.</p><p></p><p>“What volume do those things fill again?” Shana’ s voice was now taking on a slightly hysterical tone.</p><p></p><p>“About 30 000 cubic feet,” said Spud shuddering.</p><p></p><p>“33 actually”, called Wilson helpfully.</p><p></p><p>“And the area in this room is?” Shana now showing signs of extreme stress.</p><p></p><p>Zeek began to mutter some complex equations. “Length times breadth..., the square on the hypotenuse..., about 20,000 cubic feet”, the cleric announced.</p><p></p><p>“Thought so”, Virgil said. “Bit of a problem then, eh?”</p><p></p><p></p><p><em>Elsewhere, but getting closer...</em></p><p></p><p></p><p>“All right, all right!” Mango said irritably. “I’m, going!”</p><p></p><p>“...you know I like you to stay together. You know I won’t run two groups at once...,”</p><p></p><p>“There!” Mango called loudly. “I’m here! Right where I’m supposed to be.” He went to pull open the door then paused.</p><p></p><p>“Been in too many dungeons to fall for that old one”, he said smugly. He placed his ear to the door. Silence.</p><p></p><p>“Odd”, he mused. “I thought He said the Team are on the other side of this door.”</p><p></p><p>Mango tested the door. Unlocked. Fumbling a finger into the lock he looked for traps. Finding none he opened the door.</p><p></p><p>Mango did not have time to wonder why the entire population of the room were stood with their necks craning to the ceiling. BOOM! The room erupted before his startled eyes into a cauldron of scorching flame. There followed the softly echoing rattle of the Polygons of Fate.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Inez Hull, post: 515359, member: 5114"] [b]VIII: A Geometry Lesson[/b] [i]The bottles of pop were drained. The last of the nibblies scoffed. A wry smirk settled on the murderous visage of the Lord of the Polygons. The A-team trapped! Surrounded! And worse still, their heroic leader missing. A doomed look descended on the Merry Band. It seemed that the end was nigh... ...besides which, it was nearly pack up time.[/i] “Looks bad”, Wilson surveyed the sea of pig-snouted faces. “Sure does”, agreed Zeek licking his lips. “That’s the last of the creams. Down to plain bickies now.” Wilson turned to Virgil. “Well, duly elected leader, what’s your plan?” Virgil had a rather painful look upon his face as he thought hard. “Umm, now what would Mango do in this situation?”. “What he already has”, said Spud, “bolt for the nearest door!” “Not a bad plan that”, Virgil scanned the room for obvious signs of exit. “Too many orcs in the way. Only one thing left to do then. We’ll have to kill them all.” “What?” spluttered Wilson, “there’ s millions of them! How we gonna kill all of ‘em.” Virgil smiled grimly, drawing his blade with a flourish. “Methodically, but without malice, for that is our way!” [i]Whilst elsewhere...[/i] “Damn it then!” Mango lumbered off down the hallway. “If that’s the way they feel, I’ll just bugger off by myself.” The first junction loomed. “RIGHT!” he announced, deliberately flouting A-Team convention which maintained the next encounter was always around the next left hand turn. “RIGHT!” he announced again at the next intersection, ignoring the plaintive cries of a girl in obvious need of rescue down the left hand corridor. “RIGHT!” he announced at the next crossroads, denying the existence of a large neon sign pointing left that read ‘A-Team Sacrifice & Rescue this way’. Suddenly, a chill damp descended over Mango. He scowled. “Drat!! Some gods have no sense of humour...”, was all he could get out before a blinding light enveloped him and a gargantuan thumb and forefinger snatched him up. [i]But with the rest of the A-Team...[/i] As Virgil and Shana went about their work, the heap of orcish dead and wounded was increasing logarithmically. “Yo!” burbled Virgil happily as another orc head bounced across the floor. “Brill! Low-life, two hits per round! Don’t you just love first-level greeblies.” Shana’s blade flickered, first one, then a second orc fell cleanly sliced. “Yup, all seems a bit too easy really...,” with a nervous glance upwards. Ineffectual blows rained upon them as the orcs frantically tried to come to terms with the fact that their attacks simply bounced off the pair. “Joys of low armour class”, Virgil beamed, then promptly dispatched a round dozen foes. “Healing anyone?” Zeek strolled up waving his feather. “Blessings, resurrections, bible stories with happy endings?” “You must be joking”, retorted Virgil indignantly. “They’ve hardly enough levels amongst them to scratch my armour class let alone injure me!” “Just trying to help”, Zeek snorted and wandered off to the rear where the non-fighter element was enjoying a bite to eat. The roar of battle began to diminish. The ores were falling back through the door in disarray. “Flip!” cursed Virgil, then turned bright red at his lack of self control. “Over so soon?” “Something nasty’s coming”, observed Shana. “It always goes quiet when we’re winning. Give’s Him time to think”, Shana glanced up again. Virgil put his boot to the door, and it slumped open. Beyond, a new larger breed of orc was forming up into a neat shield wall formation with pikes spiking out in front of it. “Gee”, said Virgil, “That’s a bit clever. I’ve a plan, though. I’ll commence a frontal assault whilst the missile troops provide covering fire.” “The who?” asked Spud, doing a double take. “You and Shana. With bows.” Spud nodded understanding. Shana and Spud readied their bows as Virgil marched merrily toward the pikes. “What’s going on up front?” asked Wilson getting a bit bored at the rear of the adventure. He sauntered up to have a look at what was going on at the pointy end of the adventure. Zeek shrugged. “Dunno. Virgil wants us to provide some fire, I think.” “Fire?” Wilson perked up. “Really? I wouldn’t have thought it appropriate in this confined space. Are you sure, Zeek?” “I’ll check. Wouldn’t want to make any mistakes now would we?” Zeek bustled forward. ‘What do you want us to do?” he asked the embattled paladin. “Fire!” yelled Virgil. “Fire over their heads.” Zeek returned to the rear and announced to Wilson, “The chief says fire when ready, right over their heads.” “He’s the boss”, Wilson shrugged and began to rhythmically weave his hands together, muttering to himself. Before long the acrid odour of ozone filled the room as a pale blue light formed around his hands. Wilson giggled in manic glee as the pale light coalesced into a crackling ball and rose majestically into the centre of the chamber. The room silenced as all eyes, adventurers and ores alike, were involuntarily drawn to the menacing beauty hovering in the air. “Is that what I think it is?” asked Virgil pausing in mid-decapitation. “Couldn’t be.” Shana’s voice seemed to rise a little. “No one in their right mind would release one of those in here.” All turned automatically to look at Wilson who waved and grinned sheepishly from behind the half-closed door. “What volume do those things fill again?” Shana’ s voice was now taking on a slightly hysterical tone. “About 30 000 cubic feet,” said Spud shuddering. “33 actually”, called Wilson helpfully. “And the area in this room is?” Shana now showing signs of extreme stress. Zeek began to mutter some complex equations. “Length times breadth..., the square on the hypotenuse..., about 20,000 cubic feet”, the cleric announced. “Thought so”, Virgil said. “Bit of a problem then, eh?” [i]Elsewhere, but getting closer...[/i] “All right, all right!” Mango said irritably. “I’m, going!” “...you know I like you to stay together. You know I won’t run two groups at once...,” “There!” Mango called loudly. “I’m here! Right where I’m supposed to be.” He went to pull open the door then paused. “Been in too many dungeons to fall for that old one”, he said smugly. He placed his ear to the door. Silence. “Odd”, he mused. “I thought He said the Team are on the other side of this door.” Mango tested the door. Unlocked. Fumbling a finger into the lock he looked for traps. Finding none he opened the door. Mango did not have time to wonder why the entire population of the room were stood with their necks craning to the ceiling. BOOM! The room erupted before his startled eyes into a cauldron of scorching flame. There followed the softly echoing rattle of the Polygons of Fate. [/QUOTE]
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[Humour] The Adventures of the A-Team - Story 3?? Aussie posters help please!
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