Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="John Morrow" data-source="post: 2167349" data-attributes="member: 27012">First, I think that's pretty close to the problem that at least some men have with role-playing with women.  Basically, a lot of men say things around other men that they wouldn't say around women.  They feel more free when only men are around to open up and say what they really think.  Sometimes it's because they are sexist pigs and sometimes it's simply that they don't want women to see them living out a power fantasy out of fear that the women will will judge them or mock them for it.  Either way, it makes them want to avoid women in their games.When I was in high school (over two decades ago), a bunch of people I knew played Traveller.  One of the guys (a nice guy, actually, not a sexist pig) used to play characters like "Force Commander Megaton", over the top gung-ho military types who run toward danger.  One day, a friend brought his girlfriend into a game and he became a quiet mouse sitting in the corner, despite being a fairly large and not-geeky guy.  Basically, he couldn't open up and let loose with a girl at the table.Second, I've noticed that the reason why some (not all -- *some*) women are ignored is that, by male standards, they don't speak up and demand to be heard.  During some of our games years ago, we'd notice that a friend's wife looked frustrated because she couldn't get a word.  She was waiting for a pause in the conversation and there simply wasn't one, so she said nothing.  We'd let her speak when we noticed but we wouldn't always notice.  We finally told her, "Speak up and interrupt us if you want to say somethign."  That's what all of the guys do to each other and some of the women we know do the same thing.  But some women (and some men, I suspect) think that it's rude to interrupt so they are never given a chance to say anything.  If the social rules of a group require you to speak up to be heard, then speak up and interrupt just like the guys do and don't worry about being rude.  If they do think you are rude (or another word that rhymes with witchy), then you could have a sexism problem.Third, plenty of women role-play and you can find role-players by creating them.  If your partner's group can't work for you for a variety of reasons, go find your own group or create your own out of your other friends who are interested.  You don't need to learn to play from someone else.  I learned from the books, alone, and you can, too.  Yes, the advantage of learning from someone else is that you'll pick things up more quickly and won't make as many mistakes.  But there is a downside to learning from someone else, too.  You pick up all of their mistakes, biases, and limitations rather than figuring out what you want out of role-playing.  So my suggestion is to find some other friends who might be interested in playing and try your hands at running a game.</blockquote>

Verification