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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Charlaquin" data-source="post: 7954316" data-attributes="member: 6779196">[USER=7022302]@Droop-in-soup[/USER]: I get the impression that what you’re looking for in D&D would be much better satisfied by DMing than by playing. As you say, you’re not in a place in your life where you can just play a game to have fun; you are seeking a greater enrichment from it, and in particular you are looking to experience game design. I think a big part of the tension you are experiencing is coming from the fact that you are trying to remain a player, when the way you really seem to want to engage with the game is as a DM. As a result, you are feeling too constrained by the player’s role, and your friend is feeling like you’re stepping on his toes. It’s not leading to an experience that is satisfying or enjoyable for either of you, and I think the best solution at this point would be for you not to play D&D together, at least until you can sort out what you both want and need out of the game and whether or not both can be satisfied by the same game.Now, I understand that you have limited time to devote to gaming, so it may not be possible for you to DM a game, but if you can find the time, it seems to me like you would find that much more rewarding, and more fun. The ways you describe yourself engaging with the game - researching rules interpretations online, developing house rules to address problems you perceive with the rules as written, thinking about things like traps and magic item distribution and how to tweak them to make the best experience for the players, and just generally treating D&D as a creative endeavor rather than “just” a fun game? These are all ways a DM typically engages with the game, not the ways a player typically does (and players doing these things are often seen as engaging in “back-seat DMing,” which is generally considered poor form.) If that’s what you enjoy in D&D, I think you would enjoy DMing a great deal.Lastly, if your wife doesn’t like that you play D&D... That’s a problem that needs to be dealt with. I can’t tell you what solution is right for you, but it’s not healthy to have one partner regularly participating in a hobby and the other partner resenting them for doing so. Sounds like you already see a councilor, which is great, I might recommend talking to them about D&D as well (if you haven’t already).</blockquote>

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