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I need bad D&D jokes! (my players stay out)
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<blockquote data-quote="drnuncheon" data-source="post: 331577" data-attributes="member: 96"><p>A friend of mine played a drow cavalier, and one of his favorite pastimes was making "dead elf" jokes, which were retellings of the "dead baby" jokes that were popular at the time. Let me see if I can remember any of them.</p><p></p><p><strong>What's the best way to unload a cart full of dead elves?</strong></p><p>With a pitchfork!</p><p></p><p><strong>How do you tell if any of them are still alive?</strong></p><p>(mime sticking a pitchfork and tossing something over your shoulder) Dead elf.</p><p>(repeat) Dead elf.</p><p>(repeat, but this time shake the pitchfork) Live elf!</p><p></p><p>You can of course get similar results by substituting a D&D race for blondes in one of the interminable lists of blonde jokes...</p><p></p><p></p><p>Phil Foglio had a piece on jesters in What's New that you might be able to raid - but your players will probably spot it if they're familiar with the comic. Still:</p><p></p><p>"You know, zombies can track you down like a bloodhound, even though they have no nose!"</p><p>(wait for: no nose? how do they smell?)</p><p>"Awful!"</p><p></p><p>There's a few others in there, I could pull it out if you need 'em.</p><p></p><p></p><p>If you wanted a running gag, he could have a joke that he is never able to finish because he is always interrupted. Something like: "So a half-orc, a paladin, and a dire boar walk into a gazebo..."</p><p></p><p>Another running gag could be to use the dwarf (assuming multiple appearances) as a sort of Pratchettian 'history of comedy'. Each time he appears he's in the style of a different comedian as he 'tries out' some new things. That might be too anachronistic for you though.</p><p></p><p>J</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="drnuncheon, post: 331577, member: 96"] A friend of mine played a drow cavalier, and one of his favorite pastimes was making "dead elf" jokes, which were retellings of the "dead baby" jokes that were popular at the time. Let me see if I can remember any of them. [B]What's the best way to unload a cart full of dead elves?[/B] With a pitchfork! [B]How do you tell if any of them are still alive?[/B] (mime sticking a pitchfork and tossing something over your shoulder) Dead elf. (repeat) Dead elf. (repeat, but this time shake the pitchfork) Live elf! You can of course get similar results by substituting a D&D race for blondes in one of the interminable lists of blonde jokes... Phil Foglio had a piece on jesters in What's New that you might be able to raid - but your players will probably spot it if they're familiar with the comic. Still: "You know, zombies can track you down like a bloodhound, even though they have no nose!" (wait for: no nose? how do they smell?) "Awful!" There's a few others in there, I could pull it out if you need 'em. If you wanted a running gag, he could have a joke that he is never able to finish because he is always interrupted. Something like: "So a half-orc, a paladin, and a dire boar walk into a gazebo..." Another running gag could be to use the dwarf (assuming multiple appearances) as a sort of Pratchettian 'history of comedy'. Each time he appears he's in the style of a different comedian as he 'tries out' some new things. That might be too anachronistic for you though. J [/QUOTE]
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