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I need bad D&D jokes! (my players stay out)
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<blockquote data-quote="William Ronald" data-source="post: 331674" data-attributes="member: 426"><p>Here's one; (Change the names to fit your campaign setting.)</p><p></p><p>"A ship crashes against a shore. One half of the shore is controlled by Furyondy, and the other half is controlled by Iuz. Where does Iuz bury the survivors?"</p><p></p><p>Wait for "Silly, you don't bury survivors."</p><p></p><p>"You don't know Iuz well, do you?"</p><p></p><p>Here's another one:</p><p></p><p>"Did you hear that the Library in Mulmaster burned down and all the books were destroyed.?"</p><p></p><p>"No!"</p><p></p><p>"A great pity. The mayor was just learning to color inside the lines?"</p><p></p><p></p><p>"What is the difference between an outdoor insane asylum and Ravens Bluff? The inmates aren't running the asylum."</p><p></p><p>Four clerics are having a discussion on how much of tithes goes to their temples and how much for their personal support.</p><p></p><p>A cleric of Tyr says, "My faith has strict guidelines. Only after all temple expenses are meet, can I draw a stipend for myself."</p><p></p><p>A cleric of Mystra says, "I use my best judgement, based on the current situation. Fortunately, I can create food and water for myself."</p><p></p><p>A cleric of Tymora says "I stand inside a small and toss all our coins high into the air. Any that stay inside the circle, I keep."</p><p></p><p>A cleric of Waukeen says, "I do much the same thing. Now when I throw the coins in the air, Waukeen keeps any that stay in the air...."</p><p></p><p>"Now suppose you were an absent minded wizard who did nothing all day. And then suppose you were Elminster. Ah, but I repeat myself."</p><p></p><p>"Are there any fighters in the room smarter than their swords."</p><p></p><p>"I am not saying its a bad neighborhood, but Lolth doesn't even go there."</p><p></p><p>A dragon's favorite recipe list.</p><p></p><p>Barbequed barbarian.</p><p>Fricaseed fighter</p><p>Sauteed sorceror</p><p>Roasted rogue</p><p>Marinated Mage</p><p>Cream of Cleric</p><p>Dash of Druid</p><p>Poached Paladin</p><p>Raw Ranger.</p><p></p><p>Roast SLOWLY....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="William Ronald, post: 331674, member: 426"] Here's one; (Change the names to fit your campaign setting.) "A ship crashes against a shore. One half of the shore is controlled by Furyondy, and the other half is controlled by Iuz. Where does Iuz bury the survivors?" Wait for "Silly, you don't bury survivors." "You don't know Iuz well, do you?" Here's another one: "Did you hear that the Library in Mulmaster burned down and all the books were destroyed.?" "No!" "A great pity. The mayor was just learning to color inside the lines?" "What is the difference between an outdoor insane asylum and Ravens Bluff? The inmates aren't running the asylum." Four clerics are having a discussion on how much of tithes goes to their temples and how much for their personal support. A cleric of Tyr says, "My faith has strict guidelines. Only after all temple expenses are meet, can I draw a stipend for myself." A cleric of Mystra says, "I use my best judgement, based on the current situation. Fortunately, I can create food and water for myself." A cleric of Tymora says "I stand inside a small and toss all our coins high into the air. Any that stay inside the circle, I keep." A cleric of Waukeen says, "I do much the same thing. Now when I throw the coins in the air, Waukeen keeps any that stay in the air...." "Now suppose you were an absent minded wizard who did nothing all day. And then suppose you were Elminster. Ah, but I repeat myself." "Are there any fighters in the room smarter than their swords." "I am not saying its a bad neighborhood, but Lolth doesn't even go there." A dragon's favorite recipe list. Barbequed barbarian. Fricaseed fighter Sauteed sorceror Roasted rogue Marinated Mage Cream of Cleric Dash of Druid Poached Paladin Raw Ranger. Roast SLOWLY.... [/QUOTE]
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