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I still believe in god, but god no longer believes in me?
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<blockquote data-quote="Darmanicus" data-source="post: 1714674" data-attributes="member: 14864"><p>My name is Reliq Al Sulak and I was, until just moments ago, a dead man. Every breath I take now feels like pure greed: I no longer need it but I take it. But as far as I'm concerned, I am still a dead man. My faith in both my god and myself is in tatters; my path no longer surely signposted. I am lost.</p><p> </p><p>But I digress, so I shall tell you of the events leading up to the present and my dilemma…….</p><p></p><p>We had managed to gain entrance to the tower of the Death Knight, Clawron Shattersoul. He held captive a little girl who, according to the wise men and seers of Greenridge, was in fact an artefact; the embodiment of pure evil and the thing responsible for the plague that was slowly destroying all magic. Of the wisdom of the wise men, I had grave doubts although this was irrelevant because, one way or another, we would be taking her from Clawron.</p><p></p><p>The girl we found shortly into our venture inside Clawron's tower. Shortly after that, Karnak found us. At about nine feet tall and dressed in dark, full plate armour, Karnak was an imposing sight. He held, in his enormous, gauntleted hands, a wicked looking halberd, and in case I hadn't already mentioned, he was a stinking, undead minotaur. Anger slowly boiled the blood in my veins at the sight of this abomination.</p><p></p><p>Karnak began his taunts, as evil has a want to do when it hasn't got a mirror to hand so that it can talk to the only other person that'll listen, whilst we readied ourselves to smite this lackey of darkness. I offered him the chance to join his grass chewing brethren in the fields, and that maybe there he could truly show off his prowess with the plough he was holding. He wasn't amused and there the taunting ended.</p><p></p><p>"Time to die" I shouted at him. At that moment I did not realise that I spoke of the death of myself and two of my friends. It didn't take long for that moment, however, to come to pass.</p><p></p><p>Ozric, our mage, pointed at Karnak and his magic thundered into him. Lightning danced over his armour. Karnak glared at Ozric and promised, "You will be the first to die by my hand wizard"!</p><p></p><p>Karnak unleashed a dark and fiery mass from the abyss itself and my friend Angor, Cleric of Pelor, screamed in agony as his flesh was burned from his bones, becoming the first victim of this evil b@st@rd. All but my halfing friend Cotton felt the lick of his fire that burned not only flesh, but seared the soul also.</p><p></p><p>Monsieur Camembert and the Half-Orc, Half-Elven fighter, whose name eludes me at this moment, charged Karnak whilst White Wolf, our Elven Archer, rained holy vengeance upon him. Most of their blows were turned aside by his armour and those that did penetrate seemed to do little to this monstrosity. </p><p></p><p>I myself then charged and, wielding my undead slaying falchion high above me, I called upon the rage of my patron Raziel to smite this defiler of life. My righteous wrath and Raziels fury powered my falchion into Karnak. He seemed not to notice. Karnak then unleashed a flurry of blows I did not believe was possible for such a cumbersome looking being. Camembert and the Orc/Elf were struck mightily and suffered grievous wounds. Fortunately my enchanted belt caused those attacks it directed at me to miss and plough deep flurries in the stone floor. I was sure not to miss the opportunity to elaborate further on my previous insult; I would come to regret my words more quickly than it took me to utter them.</p><p></p><p>Camembert tumbled behind Karnak and stabbed him. Orc/Elf struck him also, then sprang away out of his reach. White Wolf released another barrage. Karnak still did not seem to notice. I called upon Raziel for the final time and struck him twice, leaving deep gashes, and still this thing stood before us, mocking all our efforts. </p><p></p><p>Karnak struck again, and this time it was Camembert's time to fall and my time to cry out in pain as I felt his blade and the acidic burst that accompanied it. Both Orc/Elf and I could not stand up against another one of Karnaks furious assaults but Cotton joined the fray and there was no chance I was leaving my little friend to his attentions. Lightning once again struck Karnak as did a hail of arrows from White Wolf, and now he did look wounded.</p><p></p><p>Before disappearing, and with the promise to return and finish us off in a suitably horrible manner, Karnak struck once more, and this time it was my corpse that hit the stone floor. </p><p></p><p>And so it is that I come to the part of my tale that makes everything that has happened before, pale in comparison. This is where I met my patron, my god , my Raziel.</p><p></p><p>I'm conscious although my senses tell me nothing. I am just aware that I still am and that something else, something awesome and overwhelming is drawing nearer. I feel calm and as it gets closer I feel calmer still. It is now all around me and then I hear it's mighty voice…………and I know for certain that I am in the presence of Raziel, my god.</p><p></p><p>"If you wish to live Reliq, you must give up the path you are on and thus deny yourself your inevitable transformation from humanity to sainthood. This is my will".</p><p></p><p>If I could have seen myself, I would have said that I stood there stunned; for two reasons. The first was that I was on the road to becoming what we mortals call a Saint and that this was inevitable? Surely not me, not a Saint? Secondly my god was telling me that if I wished to live then the price would be to abandon the path I had been travelling for my whole life. Either way I would not become a Saint, however this was irrelevant. Two of my friends were quite probably dead and the rest were in serious danger, not to mention the little girl. The choice at the time was simple and I made it instantly.</p><p></p><p>"Done" I said, and in that instant I found myself lying on the floor where I had fallen to Karnaks blade.</p><p></p><p>I now find myself asking silent questions to anything out there that might be listening, in the hope that something or someone might be able to provide me with an answer to quell the maelstrom of emotions I feel.</p><p></p><p>Why would he ask this of me? Am I not worthy? Is this a test and if so should I have stood up to my god for that which I believe in? What should I do now? I cannot stop being who I am any more than I can stop drawing the breath that I no longer want. The power that Raziel granted me still surrounds me and tingles on my flesh. Will it slowly fade away and leave me an empty and lonely shell? Will I keep it and if so then why does he let me? Why? Why? Why……..me?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Darmanicus, post: 1714674, member: 14864"] My name is Reliq Al Sulak and I was, until just moments ago, a dead man. Every breath I take now feels like pure greed: I no longer need it but I take it. But as far as I'm concerned, I am still a dead man. My faith in both my god and myself is in tatters; my path no longer surely signposted. I am lost. But I digress, so I shall tell you of the events leading up to the present and my dilemma……. We had managed to gain entrance to the tower of the Death Knight, Clawron Shattersoul. He held captive a little girl who, according to the wise men and seers of Greenridge, was in fact an artefact; the embodiment of pure evil and the thing responsible for the plague that was slowly destroying all magic. Of the wisdom of the wise men, I had grave doubts although this was irrelevant because, one way or another, we would be taking her from Clawron. The girl we found shortly into our venture inside Clawron's tower. Shortly after that, Karnak found us. At about nine feet tall and dressed in dark, full plate armour, Karnak was an imposing sight. He held, in his enormous, gauntleted hands, a wicked looking halberd, and in case I hadn't already mentioned, he was a stinking, undead minotaur. Anger slowly boiled the blood in my veins at the sight of this abomination. Karnak began his taunts, as evil has a want to do when it hasn't got a mirror to hand so that it can talk to the only other person that'll listen, whilst we readied ourselves to smite this lackey of darkness. I offered him the chance to join his grass chewing brethren in the fields, and that maybe there he could truly show off his prowess with the plough he was holding. He wasn't amused and there the taunting ended. "Time to die" I shouted at him. At that moment I did not realise that I spoke of the death of myself and two of my friends. It didn't take long for that moment, however, to come to pass. Ozric, our mage, pointed at Karnak and his magic thundered into him. Lightning danced over his armour. Karnak glared at Ozric and promised, "You will be the first to die by my hand wizard"! Karnak unleashed a dark and fiery mass from the abyss itself and my friend Angor, Cleric of Pelor, screamed in agony as his flesh was burned from his bones, becoming the first victim of this evil b@st@rd. All but my halfing friend Cotton felt the lick of his fire that burned not only flesh, but seared the soul also. Monsieur Camembert and the Half-Orc, Half-Elven fighter, whose name eludes me at this moment, charged Karnak whilst White Wolf, our Elven Archer, rained holy vengeance upon him. Most of their blows were turned aside by his armour and those that did penetrate seemed to do little to this monstrosity. I myself then charged and, wielding my undead slaying falchion high above me, I called upon the rage of my patron Raziel to smite this defiler of life. My righteous wrath and Raziels fury powered my falchion into Karnak. He seemed not to notice. Karnak then unleashed a flurry of blows I did not believe was possible for such a cumbersome looking being. Camembert and the Orc/Elf were struck mightily and suffered grievous wounds. Fortunately my enchanted belt caused those attacks it directed at me to miss and plough deep flurries in the stone floor. I was sure not to miss the opportunity to elaborate further on my previous insult; I would come to regret my words more quickly than it took me to utter them. Camembert tumbled behind Karnak and stabbed him. Orc/Elf struck him also, then sprang away out of his reach. White Wolf released another barrage. Karnak still did not seem to notice. I called upon Raziel for the final time and struck him twice, leaving deep gashes, and still this thing stood before us, mocking all our efforts. Karnak struck again, and this time it was Camembert's time to fall and my time to cry out in pain as I felt his blade and the acidic burst that accompanied it. Both Orc/Elf and I could not stand up against another one of Karnaks furious assaults but Cotton joined the fray and there was no chance I was leaving my little friend to his attentions. Lightning once again struck Karnak as did a hail of arrows from White Wolf, and now he did look wounded. Before disappearing, and with the promise to return and finish us off in a suitably horrible manner, Karnak struck once more, and this time it was my corpse that hit the stone floor. And so it is that I come to the part of my tale that makes everything that has happened before, pale in comparison. This is where I met my patron, my god , my Raziel. I'm conscious although my senses tell me nothing. I am just aware that I still am and that something else, something awesome and overwhelming is drawing nearer. I feel calm and as it gets closer I feel calmer still. It is now all around me and then I hear it's mighty voice…………and I know for certain that I am in the presence of Raziel, my god. "If you wish to live Reliq, you must give up the path you are on and thus deny yourself your inevitable transformation from humanity to sainthood. This is my will". If I could have seen myself, I would have said that I stood there stunned; for two reasons. The first was that I was on the road to becoming what we mortals call a Saint and that this was inevitable? Surely not me, not a Saint? Secondly my god was telling me that if I wished to live then the price would be to abandon the path I had been travelling for my whole life. Either way I would not become a Saint, however this was irrelevant. Two of my friends were quite probably dead and the rest were in serious danger, not to mention the little girl. The choice at the time was simple and I made it instantly. "Done" I said, and in that instant I found myself lying on the floor where I had fallen to Karnaks blade. I now find myself asking silent questions to anything out there that might be listening, in the hope that something or someone might be able to provide me with an answer to quell the maelstrom of emotions I feel. Why would he ask this of me? Am I not worthy? Is this a test and if so should I have stood up to my god for that which I believe in? What should I do now? I cannot stop being who I am any more than I can stop drawing the breath that I no longer want. The power that Raziel granted me still surrounds me and tingles on my flesh. Will it slowly fade away and leave me an empty and lonely shell? Will I keep it and if so then why does he let me? Why? Why? Why……..me? [/QUOTE]
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