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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Chain Lightning" data-source="post: 535577" data-attributes="member: 6791">Very Funny. I'm gonna let all my friends at work try this out. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />Star Trek:CrusaderWritten By:Chain LightningThe film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see a small child floating around Saturn. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. Here, we see the TNG crew. They are playing poker. This scene is lame. During this scene, Picard whines about not finding time to be true explorers. The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must find out what happened to DS9. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data makes 100 other android versions of himself so that each can explore a 100 different human emotions. This scene is embarrassing. But suddenly, there is an action scene involving Worf skinny dipping and firing his 'phasers'.! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finds out that that DS9 has been stolen by the Ferengi, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Troi's mother, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot. Then, K-Les, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But K-Les is not REALLY that bad, because just wanted to save his familiy's restraurant franchise.. The crew then learns that Bajora is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue! A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'Lady Marmalade.' The audience groans. And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he has to donate sperm. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, then dances a fan dance in the desert.. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot. A little later, the entire away team breaths in Ferengi fart gas. While in a heated firefight, they are constantly farting.. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Picard and his Away Team beams to the the arctic glacier. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because "the Enterprise coming to the rescue of a space station", rips off Wrath of Khan. This seems verrrry familiar... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'bitches come!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy. The crew discovers that K-Les has a computer virus that replaces ownership deeds of spacestations to make them owned legally by Ferengi! This makes things very dangerous! Then, one of the crewmembers says 'I live for this $#<img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />!' Even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop K-Les, the Ferengi modified DS9 station transforms to a giant robot. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop K-Les.Soon, Riker shoots at a Ferengi child. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing. There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Doom of Man. In a fit of rage, K-Les attempts to activate his computer virus that replaces ownership deeds of spacestations to make them owned legally by Ferengi! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills K-Les by catching the villian from falling into a vat of acid, but loses his grip and the villian falls into it anyway. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Guinan saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with not finding time to be true explorers. Picard then gives a boring speech about the power of love. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.THE END</blockquote>

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