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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Brisk-sg" data-source="post: 536745" data-attributes="member: 5037">Here We GoStar Trek: ConstipatedWritten By:JoshThe film opens with some really annoying credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see poloran phaser banks shooting clay pigeons. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. Here, we see the TNG crew. They are scubba diving. This scene is lame. During this scene, Picard whines about not having any hair. The crew is then interrupted! As a result, the TNG crew must go to France for a wine tasting convention. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data is reassembled into a Pimp by the Ferengi to promote their version of Rogaine. This scene is embarrassing. But suddenly, there is an action scene involving a dog fight sequence with futuristic Hot Air Balloons above the French countryside! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finds out that the Ferengi are planning to obtain a monopoly on the galactic supply of Rogaine, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. Soon, a member of the TNG crew talks to Q, who is recognized by many TNG fans, though this person doesn't really help the plot. Then, Blah, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Blah is not REALLY that bad, because he just wants more money to buy a really really really big entertainment system. The crew then learns that Picard's future hair is in grave danger! And they must come to the rescue! A few minutes later, there is an embarrassing scene where Data sings 'I Like Big Buts.' The audience groans. And later, Worf is even more embarrassing because he is blinded by a phaser blast and keeps pressing the COM button instead of the FIRE button. This ticks off many Klingon fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, drinks wine, gets drunk, and meets data in a dark alley. Unfortunately it doesn't help the plot. A little later, Data avoids Federation Phaser fire using the trade mark move from the Matrix. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Picard and his Away Team beams to the farmlands of France. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.Soon, the audience gets a feeling of Deja Vu. Because Geordi kills the fake Klingon assassin, who flys out of the window. This seems verrrry familiar... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'by Zeus!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy. The crew discovers that Blah has a Hair Growth Implant! This makes things very dangerous! Then, one of the crewmembers says 'I want my hair back!' Even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Blah, the Starbase falls into Earth's gravity well, crashing into Starfleet Headquarters. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Blah.Soon, Riker shoots at Data. But this accomplishes absolutely nothing. There is a final showdown in a nebula called the Ferengi Wastes. In a fit of rage, Blah attempts to activate his Data's Hair Growth Implant! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Blah by tricking him into drinking Rogaine. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Beverly Crusher saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with not having any hair. Picard then gives a boring speech about why Rogain should be free for the masses. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.THE END--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Congratulations! You have now written a Next Generation movie that's just as good as the ones shown at theaters! Print this movie out and send it to Rick Berman</blockquote>

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