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<blockquote data-quote="phoamslinger" data-source="post: 4982781" data-attributes="member: 2342"><p>Judgement Round 2, Match 3, Wik vs Atras</p><p></p><p>these were a much tougher set of ingredients than the round 1 sets (just wait till round 3!) and the connections between some of them started to feel a little stretchy and forced, but that’s to be expected, (expected, but not allowed to pass unnoticed).</p><p></p><p><strong>Leaning Tower</strong></p><p>Atras had his tower lean because the rock underneath was being mined away. </p><p>Wik’s tower leaned in the direction of the sea current after many years.</p><p>both of these were ok. at least there was a rationale for why they leaned…</p><p></p><p><strong>Con Artist</strong></p><p>Atras had his githyanki play the part of the con artist who gives the party the mission under false pretenses for his own gain.</p><p>Wik had Semou, who is more of a follower obeying orders than someone (professionally) deceiving others for a monetary profit.</p><p></p><p>both usages of the Con Artists seemed a bit weak to me. I much rather would have seen an independent story element interacting with the other ingredients and weaving an immense con throughout the story than a blending of the gith <em>into</em> the Con Artist. one is just a clichéd story hook and the other is just following orders. I’ll give Atras the better point on that one, but not by much.</p><p></p><p><strong>Journey’s End</strong></p><p>Atras named the area Journey, put the tower on one End of it, and crashed it into the ground, Ending it.</p><p>Wik gave us two NPC’s looking to End their Journeys, and a few other weaker connections.</p><p></p><p>neither very strong. again mild point to Atras. </p><p></p><p>regrettably, beyond these first three, the differences started getting more pronounced.</p><p></p><p><strong>Inebriated Githyanki</strong></p><p>Wik gave us a gith who is intoxicated by the power of the souls that he’s wearing, so he staggers as he heads towards the tower.</p><p>Atras’ gith was drunk the day before, and is introduced to the characters as a drunk artist.</p><p></p><p>but Inebriated is only a part of the ingredient; the other half being <strong><em>Githyanki</em></strong>. Githyanki are violent extra-planar xenophobes. Wik’s character’s casual disdain for the souls of the townsfolk that he’s stolen, as well as his odd quest to kill his former employer was a lot more believable in context than Atras’ Con Artist whose racial descriptor could have been swapped out with an elf, orc, goblin, etc without impacting the story in any real way. this point goes to Wik.</p><p></p><p><strong>Blood Coral</strong></p><p>Atras gave us a drug, mined from the earthmote beneath the Leaning Tower, while Wik gives us a huge vampiric coral. </p><p></p><p><em>btw, I was just stringing random words together, but it turns out that blood coral is the most expensive coral to make jewelry from (it’s ox-blood in color). I was wondering what you would do or find with it.</em></p><p></p><p>the red coral that drinks blood coming from the ocean depths and making the sunken tower available for access came closer than the drug that, again could have been replaced with some other substance without a major change in the story. point to Wik.</p><p></p><p><strong>Cloak of Soulbound Resistance</strong> </p><p>again, I liked Wik’s Cloak of Resistance that had Souls Bound into it more than Atras’ Cloak that Bound the Souls of his defenders allowing him to call them to his defense. </p><p></p><p>(remember what I said about stretching? we really need a little more detail on this sort of stuff Atras, because that’s a HUGE intuitive leap that I really didn’t have any reason to reach for, other than to be nice. without that leap, your badguy wore a cloak with a name tagged onto it that would otherwise be indistinguishable from another cloak.)</p><p></p><p>point again to Wik.</p><p></p><p>Looking for connections, what I saw was</p><p></p><p>Wik’s <strong>Githyanki</strong> is <strong>Inebriated</strong> from wearing the <strong>Cloak</strong> of <strong>Bound Souls</strong> allowing him to cross the <strong>Coral</strong> to reach the <strong>Tower </strong>so that he can <strong>End</strong> his <strong>Journey</strong>. as mentioned above your Con Artist was the weakest ingredient. if the entire adventure had been a Con of some sort (a different NPC who lied to the Githyanki to get him to accomplish all these things to serve some other purpose than what he was seeking?) then you would have been six for six.</p><p></p><p>Atras’ <strong>Githyanki Artist </strong>is running a <strong>Con</strong> to get the adventurers to go to where drugs are mined beneath a <strong>Leaning Tower</strong> to fight a guy wearing a <strong>Cloak </strong></p><p></p><p>well.</p><p></p><p>Atras, you mentioned on the other forum that you ran into a time crunch. regrettably, it showed. while I was reading your entry, I saw several places where that three hours you said you didn’t have could have shored up a lot of holes in your story and made for a better overall entry. while I liked the play on words of an Artist doing a Con, it just didn’t fit in well with finding a Githyanki at the county fair trying to hire the party. it just wasn’t that strong a hook and without that hook, the whole idea behind the adventure started to collapse. if I’d been playing, I would have been distrustful of the whole setup and wondered why we were killing the miners and their boss in the first place?</p><p></p><p>Wik, just on the basis of just the ingredients, your’s was the stronger of the two entries and your connections were better. however, I would not have named the githyanki fortress “Journeys’ End” since just naming something after a potentially difficult ingredient can be a very distracting attempt to bypass a difficult ingredient by inexperienced Iron DMs. if you hadn’t drawn your connections in the Ingredient Summary for <strong>Journey’s End</strong> and pointed out the other interpretations, I would have tossed that one out of your lineup completely and that ingredient (and likely the match) would have been Atras’ as well. what would have been better would have been to emphasize those “End of Journey” connections as they came up <em>inside</em> the entry. they would have carried a lot more strength that way. I also would have tried to make some of the extraneous stuff less significant (stuff like the wind vortex that only really only blocks flying, the crematorium or the healing woman). </p><p></p><p>Wik’s Where Bastards Go To Die advances him to Round 3.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="phoamslinger, post: 4982781, member: 2342"] Judgement Round 2, Match 3, Wik vs Atras these were a much tougher set of ingredients than the round 1 sets (just wait till round 3!) and the connections between some of them started to feel a little stretchy and forced, but that’s to be expected, (expected, but not allowed to pass unnoticed). [b]Leaning Tower[/b] Atras had his tower lean because the rock underneath was being mined away. Wik’s tower leaned in the direction of the sea current after many years. both of these were ok. at least there was a rationale for why they leaned… [b]Con Artist[/b] Atras had his githyanki play the part of the con artist who gives the party the mission under false pretenses for his own gain. Wik had Semou, who is more of a follower obeying orders than someone (professionally) deceiving others for a monetary profit. both usages of the Con Artists seemed a bit weak to me. I much rather would have seen an independent story element interacting with the other ingredients and weaving an immense con throughout the story than a blending of the gith [i]into[/i] the Con Artist. one is just a clichéd story hook and the other is just following orders. I’ll give Atras the better point on that one, but not by much. [b]Journey’s End[/b] Atras named the area Journey, put the tower on one End of it, and crashed it into the ground, Ending it. Wik gave us two NPC’s looking to End their Journeys, and a few other weaker connections. neither very strong. again mild point to Atras. regrettably, beyond these first three, the differences started getting more pronounced. [b]Inebriated Githyanki[/b] Wik gave us a gith who is intoxicated by the power of the souls that he’s wearing, so he staggers as he heads towards the tower. Atras’ gith was drunk the day before, and is introduced to the characters as a drunk artist. but Inebriated is only a part of the ingredient; the other half being [b][I]Githyanki[/I][/b]. Githyanki are violent extra-planar xenophobes. Wik’s character’s casual disdain for the souls of the townsfolk that he’s stolen, as well as his odd quest to kill his former employer was a lot more believable in context than Atras’ Con Artist whose racial descriptor could have been swapped out with an elf, orc, goblin, etc without impacting the story in any real way. this point goes to Wik. [b]Blood Coral[/b] Atras gave us a drug, mined from the earthmote beneath the Leaning Tower, while Wik gives us a huge vampiric coral. [i]btw, I was just stringing random words together, but it turns out that blood coral is the most expensive coral to make jewelry from (it’s ox-blood in color). I was wondering what you would do or find with it.[/i] the red coral that drinks blood coming from the ocean depths and making the sunken tower available for access came closer than the drug that, again could have been replaced with some other substance without a major change in the story. point to Wik. [b]Cloak of Soulbound Resistance[/b] again, I liked Wik’s Cloak of Resistance that had Souls Bound into it more than Atras’ Cloak that Bound the Souls of his defenders allowing him to call them to his defense. (remember what I said about stretching? we really need a little more detail on this sort of stuff Atras, because that’s a HUGE intuitive leap that I really didn’t have any reason to reach for, other than to be nice. without that leap, your badguy wore a cloak with a name tagged onto it that would otherwise be indistinguishable from another cloak.) point again to Wik. Looking for connections, what I saw was Wik’s [B]Githyanki[/B] is [B]Inebriated[/B] from wearing the [B]Cloak[/B] of [B]Bound Souls[/B] allowing him to cross the [B]Coral[/B] to reach the [B]Tower [/B]so that he can [B]End[/B] his [B]Journey[/B]. as mentioned above your Con Artist was the weakest ingredient. if the entire adventure had been a Con of some sort (a different NPC who lied to the Githyanki to get him to accomplish all these things to serve some other purpose than what he was seeking?) then you would have been six for six. Atras’ [B]Githyanki Artist [/B]is running a [B]Con[/B] to get the adventurers to go to where drugs are mined beneath a [B]Leaning Tower[/B] to fight a guy wearing a [B]Cloak [/B] well. Atras, you mentioned on the other forum that you ran into a time crunch. regrettably, it showed. while I was reading your entry, I saw several places where that three hours you said you didn’t have could have shored up a lot of holes in your story and made for a better overall entry. while I liked the play on words of an Artist doing a Con, it just didn’t fit in well with finding a Githyanki at the county fair trying to hire the party. it just wasn’t that strong a hook and without that hook, the whole idea behind the adventure started to collapse. if I’d been playing, I would have been distrustful of the whole setup and wondered why we were killing the miners and their boss in the first place? Wik, just on the basis of just the ingredients, your’s was the stronger of the two entries and your connections were better. however, I would not have named the githyanki fortress “Journeys’ End” since just naming something after a potentially difficult ingredient can be a very distracting attempt to bypass a difficult ingredient by inexperienced Iron DMs. if you hadn’t drawn your connections in the Ingredient Summary for [b]Journey’s End[/b] and pointed out the other interpretations, I would have tossed that one out of your lineup completely and that ingredient (and likely the match) would have been Atras’ as well. what would have been better would have been to emphasize those “End of Journey” connections as they came up [i]inside[/i] the entry. they would have carried a lot more strength that way. I also would have tried to make some of the extraneous stuff less significant (stuff like the wind vortex that only really only blocks flying, the crematorium or the healing woman). Wik’s Where Bastards Go To Die advances him to Round 3. [/QUOTE]
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