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<blockquote data-quote="Nifft" data-source="post: 4989741" data-attributes="member: 6562"><p>r3m1 - WR v IVV</p><p></p><p>Exhumed Grave</p><p>Tail End</p><p>Unmentionable Services</p><p>Unhappy Goatherd</p><p>Cross-Eyed Beholder</p><p>Gloves of Arrow Snaring</p><p></p><p>[sblock]</p><p>I don't DIS-like either of these, but neither can I feel much LIKE for them. They're both unfinished.</p><p></p><p>If weekends are better for you folks, please speak up early! I don't care if this contest takes a few extra days. I do emphatically care about the quality of work -- and I know that these entries take a <strong>lot</strong> of work!</p><p></p><p>Okay, so first things first: ingredients.</p><p></p><p><strong>Exhumed Grave</strong> - Wulf's is pure backstory, and odd at that, since any PCs who acted on it would be conflicting with the lie-averse Rakshasa. InVino, you've made the grave into the setting. Advantage IVV.</p><p></p><p><strong>Tail End</strong> - Wulf, I'm not sure how the PCs would know they were in a "tail end". My criteria for evaluating ingredients involves thinking how a player would respond when asked, "so what did you think of the ______?" And if a player would have no clue what I'm talking about, that ingredient is a failure. IVV, your tail end is cleverly integrated, but it's a mechanical failure, because the central eye wouldn't affect an undead critter. Still, at least players would see it, and there's plenty of room for a mechanically minded DM to say the central eye cone was really stopping a magic rune of blah blah blah merely adjacent to the tail.</p><p></p><p><strong>Unmentionable Services</strong> - Boy, I gotta be more careful with ingredients. IVV, you almost lost a ton of points before I realized that the discomfort I was feeling was <strong>entirely our own fault</strong> for giving you that ingredient. Kudos. Wulf, your services were mention-averse, but the PCs could easily betray either party without a second thought. I'd rather these services were things the characters would be embarrassed about, so IVV takes this one. In a disturbing, yet oddly satisfying way.</p><p></p><p><strong>Unhappy Goatherd</strong> - I felt like both of you nailed this one, though I have a lot of trouble seeing this Rakshasa just hanging around playing goatherd all day. Loses several plausibility points there.</p><p></p><p><strong>Cross-Eyed Beholder</strong> - IVV, I'm just not seeing it. A mechanical trap custom-made for beholders?! That just happens to be above him as he exhumes a grave? Point to Wulf for straightforward implementation. IVV, if I used your scenario, I'd also use Wulf's mechanic -- somehow the beholder triggered a <em>bestow curse</em> and that is what made him crosseyed.</p><p></p><p><strong>Gloves of Arrow Snatching</strong> - IVV, nice to see a beholder-specific problem (can't wear gloves), but why would a goatherd have such gloves, and how would the beholder know this fact, and ... yeah. Plausibility strain. Wulf, <strong>excellent</strong> justification. Of course a Rakshasa would want those! I'm kicking myself for never making that connection. Point to Wulf.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Evocative Prose: I liked Wulf's entry-cave, I liked the Rakshasa vs. Beholder mafias, I liked the cross-eyed curse.</p><p></p><p>IVV, I loved the idea of a Beholder trapped by not wanting to turn off his anti-magic cone, and the list of goatherd "animal husbandry" equipment was a bit TOO evocative... and by that, I mean excellent.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Plotwise: Wulf, I liked the idea of a feast on the poisoned flesh of the deep dwarves... but that was also terribly problematic, since the PCs would presumably be eating at the feast as well. Also, how would the PCs or Beholder get to choose which goat, rather than Kip? Also, why hasn't the sentient goat run away yet? Also, these criminal organizations must have been near a town, and I could easily see the PCs deciding to skip the mine and go to town for arrows, wands, ale, whores, whatever -- and then doing some Beholder research, discovering that the criminal underworld had two ringleaders, and connecting the dots from there -- and just deciding to kill both of them, which is what I'd probably want to do!</p><p></p><p>IVV, I really liked the essence of the setup, but felt it just wasn't justified by the details. IMHO the Beholder knows too much about his situation to have been caught in it.</p><p></p><p>In general, I felt that each of you have the kernels of an awesome idea, but didn't polish that idea to completion, and the rough edges are poking holes in your continuity.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Usability: Both scored low, because of the work I felt a DM would need to do to fill in the details in adapting for his own use.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Based on ingredient use, I want to give the match to InVinoVeritas. But ... [sblock] despite my reservations, I'm going to give it to <strong>InVinoVeritas</strong> anyway. He had far less cool stuff, but in this case less is more, because there were fewer loose ends dangling in my face. This bothers me, because with a tiny bit of tweaking Kip is an awesome NPC, and could easily be turned into the party's patron for half a campaign as they gather the equipment she needs to finally destroy civilization... including those gloves. But Raksha Gangsta wasn't an ingredient.[/sblock]</p><p></p><p>Even though I don't like how incomplete each of these felt, I really do admire the inspiration that oozes from both. Kudos on creativity.</p><p>[/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nifft, post: 4989741, member: 6562"] r3m1 - WR v IVV Exhumed Grave Tail End Unmentionable Services Unhappy Goatherd Cross-Eyed Beholder Gloves of Arrow Snaring [sblock] I don't DIS-like either of these, but neither can I feel much LIKE for them. They're both unfinished. If weekends are better for you folks, please speak up early! I don't care if this contest takes a few extra days. I do emphatically care about the quality of work -- and I know that these entries take a [b]lot[/b] of work! Okay, so first things first: ingredients. [b]Exhumed Grave[/b] - Wulf's is pure backstory, and odd at that, since any PCs who acted on it would be conflicting with the lie-averse Rakshasa. InVino, you've made the grave into the setting. Advantage IVV. [b]Tail End[/b] - Wulf, I'm not sure how the PCs would know they were in a "tail end". My criteria for evaluating ingredients involves thinking how a player would respond when asked, "so what did you think of the ______?" And if a player would have no clue what I'm talking about, that ingredient is a failure. IVV, your tail end is cleverly integrated, but it's a mechanical failure, because the central eye wouldn't affect an undead critter. Still, at least players would see it, and there's plenty of room for a mechanically minded DM to say the central eye cone was really stopping a magic rune of blah blah blah merely adjacent to the tail. [b]Unmentionable Services[/b] - Boy, I gotta be more careful with ingredients. IVV, you almost lost a ton of points before I realized that the discomfort I was feeling was [b]entirely our own fault[/b] for giving you that ingredient. Kudos. Wulf, your services were mention-averse, but the PCs could easily betray either party without a second thought. I'd rather these services were things the characters would be embarrassed about, so IVV takes this one. In a disturbing, yet oddly satisfying way. [b]Unhappy Goatherd[/b] - I felt like both of you nailed this one, though I have a lot of trouble seeing this Rakshasa just hanging around playing goatherd all day. Loses several plausibility points there. [b]Cross-Eyed Beholder[/b] - IVV, I'm just not seeing it. A mechanical trap custom-made for beholders?! That just happens to be above him as he exhumes a grave? Point to Wulf for straightforward implementation. IVV, if I used your scenario, I'd also use Wulf's mechanic -- somehow the beholder triggered a [i]bestow curse[/i] and that is what made him crosseyed. [b]Gloves of Arrow Snatching[/b] - IVV, nice to see a beholder-specific problem (can't wear gloves), but why would a goatherd have such gloves, and how would the beholder know this fact, and ... yeah. Plausibility strain. Wulf, [b]excellent[/b] justification. Of course a Rakshasa would want those! I'm kicking myself for never making that connection. Point to Wulf. Evocative Prose: I liked Wulf's entry-cave, I liked the Rakshasa vs. Beholder mafias, I liked the cross-eyed curse. IVV, I loved the idea of a Beholder trapped by not wanting to turn off his anti-magic cone, and the list of goatherd "animal husbandry" equipment was a bit TOO evocative... and by that, I mean excellent. Plotwise: Wulf, I liked the idea of a feast on the poisoned flesh of the deep dwarves... but that was also terribly problematic, since the PCs would presumably be eating at the feast as well. Also, how would the PCs or Beholder get to choose which goat, rather than Kip? Also, why hasn't the sentient goat run away yet? Also, these criminal organizations must have been near a town, and I could easily see the PCs deciding to skip the mine and go to town for arrows, wands, ale, whores, whatever -- and then doing some Beholder research, discovering that the criminal underworld had two ringleaders, and connecting the dots from there -- and just deciding to kill both of them, which is what I'd probably want to do! IVV, I really liked the essence of the setup, but felt it just wasn't justified by the details. IMHO the Beholder knows too much about his situation to have been caught in it. In general, I felt that each of you have the kernels of an awesome idea, but didn't polish that idea to completion, and the rough edges are poking holes in your continuity. Usability: Both scored low, because of the work I felt a DM would need to do to fill in the details in adapting for his own use. Based on ingredient use, I want to give the match to InVinoVeritas. But ... [sblock] despite my reservations, I'm going to give it to [b]InVinoVeritas[/b] anyway. He had far less cool stuff, but in this case less is more, because there were fewer loose ends dangling in my face. This bothers me, because with a tiny bit of tweaking Kip is an awesome NPC, and could easily be turned into the party's patron for half a campaign as they gather the equipment she needs to finally destroy civilization... including those gloves. But Raksha Gangsta wasn't an ingredient.[/sblock] Even though I don't like how incomplete each of these felt, I really do admire the inspiration that oozes from both. Kudos on creativity. [/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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