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Message: <blockquote data-quote="InVinoVeritas" data-source="post: 5203591" data-attributes="member: 41485">Judgment, Round 1: Iron Sky vs. Tremorsense Well, considering that Tremorsense decided not to post an entry, the decision is rather clear: Iron Sky wins this round. No surprise there.  It’s important to remember, though, for all contestants, that even if you’re late, even if you’re incomplete, post what you have. I am particularly sensitive to this. Last competition, I posted an entry that was incomplete and late—I didn’t have the time. However, I still advanced. If I had just bowed out without submission, I wouldn’t have competed in the final round.  Iron DM is a LOT of effort. The deadlines are tight, and the conditions are rough. You never know when your opponent may stumble, however, so it is vital to keep your spirit up, even in the face of insurmountable pressure. Believe in yourself, and even if you can’t, just get whatever bits of the job done you can. Don’t worry about pulling yourself out of the competition. The judges are there to take care of that for you. You never know. We still have one entry, though: The Tannhauser Effect. Let’s take a look at how it did. The Ingredients: Urban Sinkhole—The collapse of the Helix Tombs as an effect of the earthquake. This is essentially a manmade sinkhole, which is more a threat than an actuality, depending on how the adventure goes. The earthquake, however, still appears more important than the sinkhole. 3/5, with the added bonus of making it Pope Urban II’s sinkhole. Pulchritudinous Waif—Tannhäuser is the waif of the story. Most might think of a waif as just a skinny person, but the original meaning of the word is that of someone tossed from their home, an orphan, someone lost. This use is terrific. 5/5. Helicopter Seeds—Used mainly as thematic. They act as a symbol of God’s forgiveness, or alternately as a symbol of the Self-Destructive Spiral through their causing of destruction. In addition, it’s an excellent connection to the Out-of-Tune Cello because, yes, cellos are typically made of maple wood, and maples make helicopter seeds. 5/5. Historical Doppelgänger—My wife insists I spell it with the umlaut. This is the weakest part of the narrative. Yes, Tannhäuser exists as a historical figure, and is used as a doppelganger. His shapeshifting form is used to evade capture. However, the connection to assassinations of figures throughout history, although intriguing, adds little to the story. This is about Tannhäuser and Bragi’s Cello, not about the assassinations. 1/5.  Self-Destructive Spiral—Good use all around. It’s Tannhäuser’s cycle of abuse by Venus, it’s the gods’ domestic disturbances. It’s why the adventure happens. Perhaps it might be a little clearly the result of self-sabotage of all parties, but it works well and fits with the other elements. 4/5. Out-of-Tune Cello—Very well done. Not only is it established why it must be a cello, but why it must be out of tune. A cello is made out of maple. It has the spike to ground it to the earth. It must play discordant chords to cause discord. Yet it must be used to carry a tune. The out-of-tune cello fills all these requirements the best out of a lot of possible items or instruments, or whatever. 5/5. All in all, an excellent use of the ingredients. I still feel that the background of assassinations interferes needlessly with the main narrative, though, so there might be some way to tighten that up. Background I just need to take a moment to say that this is an excellent synthesis of existing legends. The domestic problems with Venus, Vulcan, and Zeus are well known. Bragi had legends out of Denmark. The various famous people did meet doppelgangers before their deaths. And, most importantly, the legend of Tannhäuser, poet and knight, his worship of Venus, Pope Urban IV, and the blooming of his staff, is a real legend. This is an incredible way to string them together. I love this sort of thing. This is extremely well done, and that should be recognized. Playability Playability, however, is where this adventure lacks. The adventure is essentially pages of background, followed by an adventure where the PCs discover this background, somehow, not sure how, learn about the Helix Tomb somehow, not sure how, then hunt down Tannhäuser and stop him from playing. Why would the PCs suspect the earthquakes might be something other than natural in the first place? Why would the PCs potentially be hired by the Catholic Church, but then be prevented by the Catholic Church to investigate the Helix Tomb and the Staff of Urban, especially when Pope Urban IV asked for people to find Tannhäuser in the first place? I’d probably start them in Haiti as relief workers—it’s the site of a major earthquake and a Roman Catholic country—and build specific encounters assuming that the PCs are at one given place and go from there. The role of the Helix Tomb and the Roman Catholic Church needs to be firmed up, and a specific encounter to reach the Tomb needs to be created. Right now, there is far more a background and the possibility of adventure than an actual adventure here.  Closing Thoughts There’s an excellent gem of a great story here. It’s like the Da Vinci Code gets rewritten by Neil Gaiman. I’d recommend watching the movie The Red Violin for the story of an instrument tossed around by history. However, some greater PC-specific scripting is needed before this is ready for action. But the background is all there, and it’s stellar work. Tremorsense, you have my sympathy regarding your basement. I hope you still have the passion to try again next competition. And, importantly, don't fear posting an incomplete entry if that's all you've got; the winning is only part of what Iron DM is all about.</blockquote>

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