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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Radiating Gnome" data-source="post: 5623174" data-attributes="member: 150">Iron DM Judgement Round 1 Match 3: Briarmonkey vs Anest1sIron DM Judgement Round 1 Match 3: Briarmonkey (Slavers of the Ancients) vs Anest1s (Call of the Procreator)Well, I'm a little behind with my judgement (stupid day job) so let's just jump right in without screwing around......I'll make one note by way of preface -- I make it a point to refer to the entries, not the entrant, as I talk about what works and doesn't.  You're both obviously creative DMs with interesting ideas, and flaws that get called out (if any) should be seen clearly as flaws in this specific sample, hastily produced and with other challenges as well, and not as any sort of reflection or statement about you guys more generally.   Ingredients:Remedial Enchanting -I figured this would be an interesting ingredient to see how it was used -- a combination of terms like this that is unusual or unlikely tends to be a spotlight moment for creative efforts.  In Slavers of the Ancients (SA), the remedial enchanting is the means by which the puzzle box device can be disabled. The usage here though is only technical -- when the enchanting is described it's actually deconstructive (while enchantment is usually treated as creative magic, not destructive magic). It feels like the term was tossed in at the end to satisfy a sixth ingredient, and it does not managed to be convincing, truly remedial or an enchantment, and just doesn't really satisfy me. In Call of the Procreator (CP), the remedial enchantment is not much better, though.  The ingredient guide declares that the remedial enchantment is "that is needed to cure the past champion" -- but if that statement were not there I doubt I would have been able to find the ingredient in CP. With my attention drawn there, it's still very hard to see.  The puzzlebox bears the two enchantments that are used to restore the champion (one brings him back to life, one erases his memories). It's there, but it's weak, and the presentation problems with CP don't help make it clear (more on that later). In the end, CP is closer to the mark, but I wish both had been stronger. Advantage CP. Puzzlebox - The puzzlebox was an important dingus for both entries -- no surprises there. In SA, the puzzlebox is an infernal device that contains a gateway to the interplanar auction block. It plays music, summons grasping horrors, and can make like difficult for it's bearer, but it doesn't really behave like a puzzle box much in the entry.  Apparently there are combinations that can be used to make it play specific music, but other than that, the puzzle of the box doesn't seem to be an important part of the use of the device.  In CP, the puzzlebox is also a bit of a disappointment.  It's the item that is passed along to the PCs so they can restore the champion, but it could be anything -- and the fact that it's a puzzle box is represented by giving the PCs soduku puzzles to solve.... now, it may be bad luck to have a judge who doesn't like this kind of representation of puzzles, but I don't think that a math puzzle that has nothing to do with the in-game puzzle is a good, evocative, immersive way to engage the players.  I wouldn't like a word search or crossword puzzle any better.  IMO, puzzles like this need to be tied back into the game -- a jeweled cube that is essentially a rubik's cube might have worked, but this one doesn't really work for me. Advantage SASlave Auction Block - SA appears to make use of the auction block. It's tied magically to the puzzlebox. But, unless I'm missing something in the way the entry is meant to play out, the adventure never really reaches the location. It's entirely possible that the PCs could recover the box and disable it (or just stash it in a bag of holding) and never be sent to the block.  And if they are sent to the block, it's not clear how they get back home, if they do.  In CP, on the other hand, the auction block is an actual location the PCs must go to, it's truly an auction block, and the PCs need to do things there.  Advantage CP.  Grasping Horrors - Both entries have grasping horrors covered pretty well.  No advantage to either. Reluctant Champion - another example of the conceptual combination that should really drive some creativity, and once again I wasn't excited with either usage. In SA, the Garrick Hale is a disillusioned servant of the cult of asmodeus, but I don't really see, in the entry, how he manages to be much of a champion. In the course of the adventure, he mostly wanders around opening the box from time to time -- hardly behaving like a champion.  In CP, once again we have to take it as a given that this champion is a champion. We don't seem him doing anything that makes him a champion, he's just a servant the way Garrick Hales was in SA.  But, in this case, the reluctance isn't even really there.  He had an agreement, basically sold his services to Terhan, but that doesn't make him reluctuant.  So, weak as it is, advantage to SA. Bag of Holding - In SA, the bag of holding feels like an afterthough, tacked on as a possible solution to the problem of the puzzlebox.  The PCs don't necessarily find one, but if they happen to have one, they could use it.  That's not really an ingredient.  In CP, the bag of holding is part of the hook -- not the strongest use, but it works.  So, advantage CP.  Ingredients Overall: Neither SA or CP really used ingredients in a way that made them sing to me -- my reaction was a lot more "okay, I guess that counts" than "whoa, that's awesome/clever/cool". Maybe it was a tough batch. In the end, I've given 3 advantages to CP vs 2 to SA, so CP has an edge, but it's far from commanding. Playability/UsabilityHere, perhaps because of the limited time to prepare entries, both had some problems.  In SA, everything is pretty clear, except I don't have an especially clear idea of what the actual adventure is meant to be.  A situation is created quite clearly -- people disappearing, cultists and grasping horrors snatching townsfolk, and so on -- but even if the adventure is meant to be a sort of sandbox where the PCs can run off in just about any direction they like, a paragraph that discusses some likely possibilities would have helped a lot.  Right now the entry reads like a good pack of source materials that contains everything but the actual adventure. In CP, we have a more conventional presentation of the adventure -- the Pcs are asked to do things and we walk thought a fairly linear path. But CP has problems of it's own.  No, I don't want to be a pain in the ass about typos and minor problems, but I spent as much time trying to unravel what CP was trying to say as I did appreciating the ideas. As the entry goes on, it seems to get less and less coherent -- and when it starts talking about the time loops and other things that are confusing to begin with, the lack of clear presentation makes it very difficult to tease out the thread of what's intended. The presentation doesn't need to be perfect, but when it gets in the reader's way, you've got problems.  In the end, I think I'd have an easier time using SA -- I'm clearer about what's going on and it seems like I could drop it into an existing game with little hammering, but the advantage is slight.  CreativityCP takes us on a much broader, more involved story, including extraplanar travel, time loops, and so on.  Pretty heady stuff for an adventure designed for low level characters. Iron DM is based on Iron Chef -- the contestants are given ingredients and they whip up a meal.  They come up with cool, interesting ways to highlight those special ingredients in the dishes that they produce.  What you don't really see on Iron Chef is a contestant, given the ingredient "ham steak", using the ham steak ground fine and sprinkled lightly over prime rib, because the contestant felt like cooking prime rib, even though that wasn't the primary ingredient.  That brutally confusing analogy is sort of what I feel like is going on in CP.  The ingredients have become garnish and embellishments on a plot that has nothing to do, organically, with the ingredients themselves.  None of them are truly intrinsic to the story that's being told.  I find the illithid time look thing really confusing -- the lich is both creating them and trying to destroy them? They've traveled back in time to the current time to make sure they survive? I'm still not sure I get it, really, and I've read the entry a half a dozen times.  I find myself trying to puzzle out the loops within loops that seem to be there, and I find that whole challenge frustrating because the whole time-travel element is completely unnecessary to the entry, and has nothing to do with any of the ingredients.  In SA, on the other hand, the adventure setup we're given sticks pretty well within the realm defined by the ingredients -- the things that the PCs will (apparently) spend most of their time interacting with are the key ingredients.  Again, without a discussion of how the adventure will play out, it's just conjecture, but I feel like the creativity displayed there, in it's limited way, is a little better than the more broad, anything goes creation that is CP. Conclusion. I think it's probably pretty clear that I wasn't jazzed by either entry. I'm leaning towards SA, but the lack of a clear discussion of how the adventure plays out strikes me as a pretty big flaw.  I don't think it was for lack of room in the 2000 word limit -- maybe I'm just dim and missing something.  CP had a slight advantage in using the ingredients, but margin there was really thin, and in every other way I've favored SA. I'm going to give SA the nod, so Briarmonkey advances.  Thanks to both of you though -- I know you're both new competitors, and the first time through is a real trial by fire.  I think you both have some very strong promise. Briarmonkey, take the time to spell out the path of the adventure for the judges, even if it's meant to be a sort of sandbox adventure format. And Anest1s, I hope you'll be back in future competitions -- you have the right idea, but if you would stick a bit closer to the ingredients, not wander so far, and give yourself time for a editing pass before submitting your entry, I think you can be a tough competitor in the next contest.  -rg</blockquote>

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