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Iron DM 2012 -- R2 complete, Finals in Progress
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<blockquote data-quote="Nifft" data-source="post: 5953750" data-attributes="member: 6562"><p><strong>r2m1 - Deuce Traveler vs. ender_wiggin</strong></p><p></p><p>It took me some time to get through these. Since I'm last, I'm not going to sblock my judgement. Let's take a look at the ingredient uses.</p><p></p><p><strong>Bundle of Straw</strong>: ender_wiggin had the straw "rolled into cigars", which is not something I think of straw as being able to do, since it's not flat. I guess it could be <u>bundled</u> instead of rolled, but then it's not really a cigar. Still, the idea of narcotic straw is original, and could be useful if one were trying to get mythical horse monsters addicted -- minotaurs or unicorns or pegasi, perhaps. Link to the gaudy gangster. 2/5. Deuce Traveler played the bundle of straw straight, and while it's not particularly exciting in its role as MacGuffin, it is a central element to the story, with links to the cyclops and the foundry. 2/5.</p><p></p><p><strong>Forlorn Cyclops</strong>: ender_wiggin gave us the cyclops from the X-Men, which shoots power eye-beams and doesn't realize that the girlfriend character has been replaced. This is not the sort of cyclops one would expect in a fantasy game -- they are "docile"? -- and other than working at a forge, they are rather unlike any mythological cyclops. They also aren't characterized except in back-story, to explain why they are loyal to Sile, and the time when they were forlorn is not visible to the PCs. Link to the foundry. 1/5. Deuce Traveler's cyclops was again played straight: he lives on an island with caves, he has a herd of unusual animals, and importantly he is feeling forlorn when the PCs show up. Links to the straw and the foundry. 3/5.</p><p></p><p><strong>Gaudy Gangster</strong>: In ender_wiggin's story, the gangster is the target of a coup by a lieutenant. His gaudy nature is written up, but is irrelevant to the story, and his ability to deal with violent conflict disappears in a fit of giggling as soon as combat starts (which would seem to ensure that his career as a gangster would have lasted about 30 minutes total). He's not a central character to the plot, either -- Sile might have been a better pick, if she had been "gaudy", since she does actually figure into the plot. 1/5 for Sorel, would have been higher for Sile. Deuce Traveler's gangster was also only nominally in the plot, but it didn't have to be like that: you gave no reason why the gangster needed a foundry in <u>that</u> upscale neighborhood, but his gaudy nature could have covered that perfectly, and thus given a stronger link to the foundry and suit. 1/5 which could easily have been higher.</p><p></p><p><strong>Abandoned Foundry</strong>: This is the setting for ender_wiggin's piece, and the strongest element. It's got links to the cyclops, the suit, and the drum. Most of the useful details in the module pertain to the foundry, and it is potentially the module's reward. 4/5. Deuce Traveler uses the foundry as a justification for plot rather than as an element with which the PCs interact. This is poor use. Ingredients ought to be things the PCs see and talk about and interact with and sometimes stab. It has links to the straw and the suit. 1/5, could have been higher if the PCs were helping with the suit in a substantive way.</p><p></p><p><strong>Powerful Suit</strong>: ender_wiggins played this one straight, it's a magical hazmat suit. Has links to the foundry and the drum. If the PCs don't avoid the ambush, the suit is a good clue that something hinky is about to go down, if they see Sile and all her minions donning their suits. 3/5. Deuce Traveler gave us a nice spin on the suit in that it's a legal suit regarding the foundry and filed against the gangster. Those are good strong links. Unfortunately it's also mostly incidental to the plot, since the PCs are hardly interacting with the suit at all -- a lost opportunity here. There's an attempt to tie the suit to the straw, but those inspectors represent a separate legal challenge from the suit, so no point for linkage there. 2/5.</p><p></p><p><strong>Drum</strong>: ender_wiggins has the drum as the central element of the foundry, with links to the cyclops who works it. It's hard for me to figure out what it's supposed to look like, but in my most charitable interpretation it could be an interesting fight location if the PCs were actually dumb enough to all go inside it at once to try to activate the factory. (My players wouldn't fall for that.) 2/5. Deuce Traveler has the drum as an element of a fight which is avoidable, particularly to a party of high-level PCs, and which lacks links to any other elements. It's a neat idea, but it's ultimately window-dressing rather than architecture. 1/5.</p><p></p><p><strong>Usability</strong>: Ambush in the Armatorium has plausibility problems which I'd need to fix before I could use most of it, including some justification for the novel cyclops species, why the drug kingpin is useless and vulnerable in combat, and how to get the PCs to all go into the drum at once to turn it on. Also, it's only useful for groups of PCs who are happy to help a drug kingpin become a magical arms dealer (i.e. Paladins need not apply). 1/5. On the other side, Going Legit is well suited to PCs who are non-evil, or at least who are presentable to polite society. With some tweaking, it could be made into a very interesting adventure... which means that I see a lot of usable content in it. I'll go into detail on this following the judgment. 3/5.</p><p></p><p><strong>Evocation</strong>: I like the idea of mildly narcotic waste-product cigars, even if it makes no sense to have them be "rolled" straw, the cigars are a nice image. The Armatorium with its scattered rays of radiance is an evocative fight location. 2/5. I liked the righteous indignation of the townsfolk who file the suit; it'll be something that sets the player's sympathy in opposition to that of his PC. On the other side, I found the forlorn cyclops with his tale of ecological woe, and the barren island itself, quite evocative; and the image of the chiefs & their shamans on the mountain top with their drum while tribesmen move through the foliage is good stuff. 3/5.</p><p></p><p><strong>Originality</strong>: Sometimes being original is not helpful to your score. For example, the cyclops(es) in Ambush in the Armatorium are basically new monsters which don't have a whole lot of "cyclops"-ness, and thus they lose points here and as an ingredient. The stand-out in this category is the law suit in Going Legit, which IMHO has a lot of potential for awesome. AA gets 1/5 (which includes a penalty for the not-quite-cyclops(es)), while GL gets a 3/5.</p><p></p><p>Final Scores:</p><p>Ambush in the Armatorium = 17</p><p>Going Legit = 19</p><p></p><p>Congratulations <strong>Deuce Traveler</strong>.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>- - -</p><p></p><p>I said I'd talk about what I would have done with the law suit, but it's late, and I'm tired. Hopefully I'll have time to write about it some time this week.</p><p></p><p>Cheers, -- N</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nifft, post: 5953750, member: 6562"] [b]r2m1 - Deuce Traveler vs. ender_wiggin[/b] It took me some time to get through these. Since I'm last, I'm not going to sblock my judgement. Let's take a look at the ingredient uses. [b]Bundle of Straw[/b]: ender_wiggin had the straw "rolled into cigars", which is not something I think of straw as being able to do, since it's not flat. I guess it could be [u]bundled[/u] instead of rolled, but then it's not really a cigar. Still, the idea of narcotic straw is original, and could be useful if one were trying to get mythical horse monsters addicted -- minotaurs or unicorns or pegasi, perhaps. Link to the gaudy gangster. 2/5. Deuce Traveler played the bundle of straw straight, and while it's not particularly exciting in its role as MacGuffin, it is a central element to the story, with links to the cyclops and the foundry. 2/5. [b]Forlorn Cyclops[/b]: ender_wiggin gave us the cyclops from the X-Men, which shoots power eye-beams and doesn't realize that the girlfriend character has been replaced. This is not the sort of cyclops one would expect in a fantasy game -- they are "docile"? -- and other than working at a forge, they are rather unlike any mythological cyclops. They also aren't characterized except in back-story, to explain why they are loyal to Sile, and the time when they were forlorn is not visible to the PCs. Link to the foundry. 1/5. Deuce Traveler's cyclops was again played straight: he lives on an island with caves, he has a herd of unusual animals, and importantly he is feeling forlorn when the PCs show up. Links to the straw and the foundry. 3/5. [b]Gaudy Gangster[/b]: In ender_wiggin's story, the gangster is the target of a coup by a lieutenant. His gaudy nature is written up, but is irrelevant to the story, and his ability to deal with violent conflict disappears in a fit of giggling as soon as combat starts (which would seem to ensure that his career as a gangster would have lasted about 30 minutes total). He's not a central character to the plot, either -- Sile might have been a better pick, if she had been "gaudy", since she does actually figure into the plot. 1/5 for Sorel, would have been higher for Sile. Deuce Traveler's gangster was also only nominally in the plot, but it didn't have to be like that: you gave no reason why the gangster needed a foundry in [u]that[/u] upscale neighborhood, but his gaudy nature could have covered that perfectly, and thus given a stronger link to the foundry and suit. 1/5 which could easily have been higher. [b]Abandoned Foundry[/b]: This is the setting for ender_wiggin's piece, and the strongest element. It's got links to the cyclops, the suit, and the drum. Most of the useful details in the module pertain to the foundry, and it is potentially the module's reward. 4/5. Deuce Traveler uses the foundry as a justification for plot rather than as an element with which the PCs interact. This is poor use. Ingredients ought to be things the PCs see and talk about and interact with and sometimes stab. It has links to the straw and the suit. 1/5, could have been higher if the PCs were helping with the suit in a substantive way. [b]Powerful Suit[/b]: ender_wiggins played this one straight, it's a magical hazmat suit. Has links to the foundry and the drum. If the PCs don't avoid the ambush, the suit is a good clue that something hinky is about to go down, if they see Sile and all her minions donning their suits. 3/5. Deuce Traveler gave us a nice spin on the suit in that it's a legal suit regarding the foundry and filed against the gangster. Those are good strong links. Unfortunately it's also mostly incidental to the plot, since the PCs are hardly interacting with the suit at all -- a lost opportunity here. There's an attempt to tie the suit to the straw, but those inspectors represent a separate legal challenge from the suit, so no point for linkage there. 2/5. [b]Drum[/b]: ender_wiggins has the drum as the central element of the foundry, with links to the cyclops who works it. It's hard for me to figure out what it's supposed to look like, but in my most charitable interpretation it could be an interesting fight location if the PCs were actually dumb enough to all go inside it at once to try to activate the factory. (My players wouldn't fall for that.) 2/5. Deuce Traveler has the drum as an element of a fight which is avoidable, particularly to a party of high-level PCs, and which lacks links to any other elements. It's a neat idea, but it's ultimately window-dressing rather than architecture. 1/5. [b]Usability[/b]: Ambush in the Armatorium has plausibility problems which I'd need to fix before I could use most of it, including some justification for the novel cyclops species, why the drug kingpin is useless and vulnerable in combat, and how to get the PCs to all go into the drum at once to turn it on. Also, it's only useful for groups of PCs who are happy to help a drug kingpin become a magical arms dealer (i.e. Paladins need not apply). 1/5. On the other side, Going Legit is well suited to PCs who are non-evil, or at least who are presentable to polite society. With some tweaking, it could be made into a very interesting adventure... which means that I see a lot of usable content in it. I'll go into detail on this following the judgment. 3/5. [b]Evocation[/b]: I like the idea of mildly narcotic waste-product cigars, even if it makes no sense to have them be "rolled" straw, the cigars are a nice image. The Armatorium with its scattered rays of radiance is an evocative fight location. 2/5. I liked the righteous indignation of the townsfolk who file the suit; it'll be something that sets the player's sympathy in opposition to that of his PC. On the other side, I found the forlorn cyclops with his tale of ecological woe, and the barren island itself, quite evocative; and the image of the chiefs & their shamans on the mountain top with their drum while tribesmen move through the foliage is good stuff. 3/5. [b]Originality[/b]: Sometimes being original is not helpful to your score. For example, the cyclops(es) in Ambush in the Armatorium are basically new monsters which don't have a whole lot of "cyclops"-ness, and thus they lose points here and as an ingredient. The stand-out in this category is the law suit in Going Legit, which IMHO has a lot of potential for awesome. AA gets 1/5 (which includes a penalty for the not-quite-cyclops(es)), while GL gets a 3/5. Final Scores: Ambush in the Armatorium = 17 Going Legit = 19 Congratulations [b]Deuce Traveler[/b]. - - - I said I'd talk about what I would have done with the law suit, but it's late, and I'm tired. Hopefully I'll have time to write about it some time this week. Cheers, -- N [/QUOTE]
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