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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 6152548" data-attributes="member: 67">Round 1, Match 1 Judgement:  Deuce Traveler vs. ImhotepthewiseI can't help but get the feeling that one of these entries was a little rushed.  With more time dedicated to developing the premise and the resulting implications, it could make for a good adventure.  With more time devoted to working out the ingredients, fitting them together, and, especially, making them relevant to the adventure and the PCs, it could have been a competitive entry.  It's got the bones.  The problem is, that's pretty much all there is.  And the other entry?  Well, let's get to it...Deuce Traveler's untitled piece, henceforth referred to as "Untitled," is evocative.  There is definitely nothing mundane about it (not even the wonder, but we'll get to that).  As an adventure, it works because it has decent hooks (and, let's not forget the unwritten, but powerful, "curiosity" hook.  This one brings it.  The adventure takes the PCs on a journey without ever feeling like it limits their options.  It looks fun to play.  Finally, future developments and implications abound by the end of it.  Most of the unanswered questions are the good kind--the kind the PCs get to explore in future adventures.Imhotepthewise's piece, "Time Out of Time," is more linear.  I mean, a lot more linear.  The hook is a slow-play.  I like the idea of subtly encouraging the PCs to choose a course of actions over the course of many games.  However, the entire adventure is predicated on the assumption that the PCs actually will.  That's a big problem for a hook.As a side-note, as far as Rat Bastardry goes, "bait and switch" is a dangerous one to use, because it can leave the players feeling cheated.  That said, given that this is Graz'zt, if handled very subtly (and some advice on that would have been nice), it could work out pretty well.And then the adventure begins.  Or, really, the scenario, because that's all there is, here.  The PCs are to run around and collect larvae and then they get to go home.What about the ingredients?"Time Out of Time" uses Secret as something Graz'zt knows about the nature of time and the PCs do not.  In no way is this secret ever presented as something the PCs can learn and take advantage of.  I think the stronger use of the ingredient is actually Graz'zt's plan to get adventurers to do dirty work for him.  That, at least, is something the players will interact with.The High Holy Days are neither, high, nor holy, and, given the nature of time, I'm not even sure if they're days.  One thing I'm sure of is that they seem entirely incidental to the entry.  If they were not an ingredient, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have been mentioned.The Out of Time ingredient was handled better.  It is a location/state that the players definitely interact with, even if the entry missed a great opportunity to let the players play around with it.Mundane Wonder.  Using the words does not equate to using the ingredient.Home is the place the PCs get to go after they complete their task.  That's it.  This is in no way relevant to the adventure, itself--and this is somewhat disappointing, because it could have been, given the moral ambiguity (hell, the moral corruption) implicated in the task set before the PCs.  'Cause some of those souls that they give over to Graz'zt could hit close to home...Which brings us to the Unusual Currency.  I'm sure there's some symbolic reason that the souls are manifest as larvae in this scenario.  Something about a state of being unfinished--in development.  I can totally buy them as an infernal currency.  I really like the implications that the PCs are not just doing something gross--they are doing something morally abhorrent for Graz'zt.  What I don't like is that it is presented as the only reasonable course of action (and not just by Graz'zt).  I think this ingredient--clearly the strongest of the bunch--had a lot of promise, but, like all of them, needed a little more attention and fleshing out."Untitled" ain't perfect, either, but it's got some great flavor.The High Holy Days are significant as an element of the adventure--their nature is critical to the flow of the adventure.  Also, I am somewhat amused because I have a deity in a long-running game named Rotdoc.  Also an anagram.Out of Time is a thematic ingredient manifest in several ways throughout the adventure.  Primarily, it is used to describe the effect of time-stopping that the creature/house K'Rikkt uses (or that uses it).  On another level, the "Time is Money" theme/ingredient has some interesting implications when you consider a few things.  Like, for instance, if the PCs have to pay good times to K'Rikkt, does Obbins?  And if he does, does he have many good days left?  He might be pretty close to running out of time, himself.  Then, of course, the PCs actually have to race against time to escape K'Rikkt when he goes home.  All in all, a very good use of the ingredient.The Mundane Wonder is certainly wonderful, but is there really anything mundane about a time-stopping clock inside a time-traveling creature?As for the use of Home, what can I say?  Wow.  Making the creature, K'Rikkt, Obbins' actual home was inspiring.  Making it's driving motivation (after the PCs encounter it, anyway, to return to it's home is clever.  Another strong ingredient.And then we get to the Unusual Currency.  Time is money, and money is consumed.  Not only that, but good times taste good.  Bad times taste bad.  Yeah.  I love this creature, but I don't ever want to meet it.  This is the creepiest and coolest part of an already creepy and cool adventure.  And the complications it can cause?  Oh my.[spoiler]Imhotepthewise, I'm sorry to see such a rushed entry from you--sincerely, because I like where you were going with it.  There is a lot of potential packed into the scenario you presented.  It's just that the entry needed more development to bring it out.  I truly believe you have what it takes to compete in these tournaments, but I suggest you think more about your ingredients--particularly their relationships between each other and with the players!  I think if your adventure hadn't seemed so rushed, it would have seemed less linear, so I can't fault you on that, but I do think you should spend some more time fleshing out the whole next time around.  Good luck to you!Deuce Traveler, you will advance to Round 2![/spoiler]</blockquote>

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