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IRON DM 2013--Entries, Judgements, Commentary, & Trash-Talk
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<blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 6159263" data-attributes="member: 67"><p><strong>Round 2, Match 2 Judgement: Deuce Traveler vs. Radiating Gnome</strong></p><p></p><p>Jeez, Radiating Gnome! I can't help but think there's gotta be <em>some</em> way to cut down the length of that block of exposition... <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick out tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /></p><p></p><p>But nevermind that, right now. Let's look at the ingredients:</p><p></p><p>In Deuce Traveler's “Time, Truth and Trust,” (henceforth, “Time”) has a very effective use of the <strong>Weeping Willow</strong> ingredient, using several of them as the focus of one of the (quite exciting) encounters of the piece. It's good (although the weeping that they do is really just crying out in pain—that could have been a little better). But, Radiating Gnome's untitled piece (let's just call it “Age of Sorrows” or just “Age” from now on) has such a memorable character for this ingredient—and when she weeps, it is meaningful.</p><p></p><p>In “Time,” the <strong>Trust</strong> is used as an inheritance—a divine spark that makes for a very interesting MacGuffin—but it <em>is</em> fundamentally still a MacGuffin. In “Age,” trust is something that the PCs must earn from Stead...and then they must earn it again to undo the first time. Nifty!</p><p></p><p>The <strong>Sinking Ship</strong> in “Time” makes for a very interesting encounter location and provides nice contrast with the desert (while still keeping the thematic storm). “Age” uses the familiar Titanic over and over again as the primary focus of the action. This was a good decision for brevity—no need to waste space on description, here. What I'm not quite sure about is...why is the Titanic (or, really, why is Stead) so important to the time-line? What could Stead have possibly done (had he survived) that would prevent humanity from existing? I'm sure, if I were a player, that would be the first question I'd ask. And there's no answer. I could pretty easily come up with something, but I'd rather not have too in the first place.</p><p></p><p>The <strong>Beginning of Time</strong> we see in “Age” is a wonderfully flavorful time/place that has strong impact on the whole of the adventure. In fact, it almost serves as a sort of home-base for the adventure. On the other hand, “Time” uses the ingredient as a kind of divine meeting-place. This usage doesn't quite work so well, because, frankly, it doesn't matter at all. They (the PCs and Syra) don't even get to witness Inan's pact being struck with Tiam, so why call it the Beginning of Time, anyway? It might be <em>before</em> time, but it's not the beginning.</p><p></p><p>And, as for <strong>Nobody Special</strong>, “Time” gives us a commoner who becomes divine—a girl who is the inheritor of an important trust. She's a friend of the PCs (a hook I found to be fairly cumbersome, incidentally) and, hell, she's got a name. None of this points to her being “nobody special.” I wasn't really impressed with the use in “Age,” either (simply as someone who gets saved--and then doesn't), but at least it worked. “Nobody special,” in that context, is pretty much anyone who isn't Stead or the PCs.</p><p></p><p>Finally, there is the <strong>Unlikely Appointment</strong>. The unlikely appointment of Syra to divinity in “Time” works well enough, but calling the PCs' protection of her such is stretching it. Saying that the interruption of a meeting is an unlikely appointment <em>really</em> doesn't work. In the end, throwing the ingredient around a few times and seeing what sticks only dilutes the impact of the only actually decent use of it. An ingredient can be successfully used in a recurring manner, <em>if</em> it is being used to illustrate a thematic foundation of the entry. That is certainly not what we've got here. In contrast, “Age,” uses the ingredient only once, as a <em>very</em> intriguing hook—one that would be very difficult to pass by. It is potent and <em>immediately</em> relevant to the adventure and the PCs.</p><p></p><p><em>And then there's the rest:</em></p><p></p><p>“Time” is a well-constructed and exciting adventure—simple enough to run easily, but open-ended enough (throughout) to feel large in scope. “Age” is, underneath its complexity, actually pretty linear—but linear isn't necessarily a bad thing. The clever structure pretty much requires a certain bit of it and “Age” does it in a manner that may not even be noticed by the players. There is one part (previously unmentioned) that could have used some clarification: the shadowy figures that the PCs fight in the first place are presumably the future PCs (that's clever), but the adventure doesn't even allude to that until much later. A little bit of clarity would help the DM a great deal, here.</p><p></p><p>[spoiler]Deuce Traveler, your adventure is really good. Maybe not quite as good as your round 1 entry, but still, one that I definitely want to run. This is the part where I give advice for future tournaments, but, there's really no reason to give Deuce any. He's the defending champion for a reason; he's good at this.</p><p></p><p>But the nature of this tournament is that, sometimes, your good stuff goes up against someone's <em>great</em> stuff. And that's what Radiating Gnome delivered. While it may not be perfect, this piece has so much brilliance in it, it's really hard to quibble. It's ingredients are superior and the adventure, itself, is one that the players would probably never forget. Radiating Gnome knocks out the defending IRON DM and advances to the championship round.[/spoiler]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rune, post: 6159263, member: 67"] [b]Round 2, Match 2 Judgement: Deuce Traveler vs. Radiating Gnome[/b] Jeez, Radiating Gnome! I can't help but think there's gotta be [i]some[/i] way to cut down the length of that block of exposition... :p But nevermind that, right now. Let's look at the ingredients: In Deuce Traveler's “Time, Truth and Trust,” (henceforth, “Time”) has a very effective use of the [b]Weeping Willow[/b] ingredient, using several of them as the focus of one of the (quite exciting) encounters of the piece. It's good (although the weeping that they do is really just crying out in pain—that could have been a little better). But, Radiating Gnome's untitled piece (let's just call it “Age of Sorrows” or just “Age” from now on) has such a memorable character for this ingredient—and when she weeps, it is meaningful. In “Time,” the [b]Trust[/b] is used as an inheritance—a divine spark that makes for a very interesting MacGuffin—but it [i]is[/i] fundamentally still a MacGuffin. In “Age,” trust is something that the PCs must earn from Stead...and then they must earn it again to undo the first time. Nifty! The [b]Sinking Ship[/b] in “Time” makes for a very interesting encounter location and provides nice contrast with the desert (while still keeping the thematic storm). “Age” uses the familiar Titanic over and over again as the primary focus of the action. This was a good decision for brevity—no need to waste space on description, here. What I'm not quite sure about is...why is the Titanic (or, really, why is Stead) so important to the time-line? What could Stead have possibly done (had he survived) that would prevent humanity from existing? I'm sure, if I were a player, that would be the first question I'd ask. And there's no answer. I could pretty easily come up with something, but I'd rather not have too in the first place. The [b]Beginning of Time[/b] we see in “Age” is a wonderfully flavorful time/place that has strong impact on the whole of the adventure. In fact, it almost serves as a sort of home-base for the adventure. On the other hand, “Time” uses the ingredient as a kind of divine meeting-place. This usage doesn't quite work so well, because, frankly, it doesn't matter at all. They (the PCs and Syra) don't even get to witness Inan's pact being struck with Tiam, so why call it the Beginning of Time, anyway? It might be [i]before[/i] time, but it's not the beginning. And, as for [b]Nobody Special[/b], “Time” gives us a commoner who becomes divine—a girl who is the inheritor of an important trust. She's a friend of the PCs (a hook I found to be fairly cumbersome, incidentally) and, hell, she's got a name. None of this points to her being “nobody special.” I wasn't really impressed with the use in “Age,” either (simply as someone who gets saved--and then doesn't), but at least it worked. “Nobody special,” in that context, is pretty much anyone who isn't Stead or the PCs. Finally, there is the [b]Unlikely Appointment[/b]. The unlikely appointment of Syra to divinity in “Time” works well enough, but calling the PCs' protection of her such is stretching it. Saying that the interruption of a meeting is an unlikely appointment [i]really[/i] doesn't work. In the end, throwing the ingredient around a few times and seeing what sticks only dilutes the impact of the only actually decent use of it. An ingredient can be successfully used in a recurring manner, [i]if[/i] it is being used to illustrate a thematic foundation of the entry. That is certainly not what we've got here. In contrast, “Age,” uses the ingredient only once, as a [i]very[/i] intriguing hook—one that would be very difficult to pass by. It is potent and [i]immediately[/i] relevant to the adventure and the PCs. [i]And then there's the rest:[/i] “Time” is a well-constructed and exciting adventure—simple enough to run easily, but open-ended enough (throughout) to feel large in scope. “Age” is, underneath its complexity, actually pretty linear—but linear isn't necessarily a bad thing. The clever structure pretty much requires a certain bit of it and “Age” does it in a manner that may not even be noticed by the players. There is one part (previously unmentioned) that could have used some clarification: the shadowy figures that the PCs fight in the first place are presumably the future PCs (that's clever), but the adventure doesn't even allude to that until much later. A little bit of clarity would help the DM a great deal, here. [spoiler]Deuce Traveler, your adventure is really good. Maybe not quite as good as your round 1 entry, but still, one that I definitely want to run. This is the part where I give advice for future tournaments, but, there's really no reason to give Deuce any. He's the defending champion for a reason; he's good at this. But the nature of this tournament is that, sometimes, your good stuff goes up against someone's [i]great[/i] stuff. And that's what Radiating Gnome delivered. While it may not be perfect, this piece has so much brilliance in it, it's really hard to quibble. It's ingredients are superior and the adventure, itself, is one that the players would probably never forget. Radiating Gnome knocks out the defending IRON DM and advances to the championship round.[/spoiler] [/QUOTE]
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