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<blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 6520634" data-attributes="member: 67"><p><strong>Round 2, Match 1: MortalPlague vs. Gradine</strong></p><p></p><p>What better way to begin the second round than with two solid adventures that couldn't be much more different in tone and structure? To be perfectly honest, I've read both entries multiple times and I haven't got the faintest idea yet which will stand out as the superior entry. I expect that the articulation of my analysis will provide clarity by the time I've finished. </p><p></p><p>Because this is so, you can expect for my criticism to be a little harsher than it might otherwise be (although, some of the criticisms I intend to raise are pretty significant). This should not be misconstrued as disapproval of the adventures in general; I like them both. </p><p></p><p>Structurally, though, both have issues that must be addressed. </p><p></p><p>First, neither has a very compelling hook. Gradine's entry, <em>The Diamond Toad</em> (henceforth, <em>Toad</em>), glosses over a classic employment-hook. Being hired to participate in a heist for the history books ought to be compelling, but as with much of the adventure, it is either implied and assumed, or resolved offscreen, as it were. The only help the DM is given in actually playing out the interaction is the note that the PCs may be able to haggle for a better cut. That's it. </p><p></p><p>MortalPlague's entry, <em>The Queen Under the Stars</em> (<em>Queen</em>), sends an invitation to a party. Intriguing, but easy to ignore if it's the only hook. Had the palace on the giant owl's back come to pick them up, <em>that</em> would have been hard to pass up (and given it a purpose in the adventure, but we'll get to that). </p><p></p><p>Once we get past that, though, things pick up. <em>Toad</em> gives us a background and a plan, but provides PCs plenty of opportunity to adjust the plan and make preparations. It really feels like the build-up to a heist and I think would play out very well, especially for players who love to plan. </p><p></p><p>Added to this, the plan as proposed has some unspoken difficulties that the party will have to identify and deal with. For instance, in order to accomplish both non-infiltration parts of the heist (making sure the victory flag stays out of play and actually stealing the sculpture(s)), they will either have to split the party or devise some other means of being in two places at once. Given the likelihood of meeting resistance at both locations, things could get tricky. </p><p></p><p>And, on top of that, we are provided with some really good complications to make sure things stay interesting. Nice. </p><p></p><p>On the other hand, <em>Queen</em> is much more direct in its approach, even while it injects an element of intrigue straight into the heart of the story. We get a party, where the PCs get a chance to fit in--or not. Simultaneously, we get a dastardly scheme unfolding right under the PCs' noses and, importantly, which the PCs have a chance of foiling! And then we get what looks to be a very chaotic fight. Finally, to the victor goes what promises to be a <em>very</em> entertaining reward.</p><p></p><p>In general, we are provided with good assistance in running the adventure, but one gaping hole must be called out. We have <em>absolutely</em> no instruction on how to run Fadden in the almost certain fight that will feature him. All we have is a name and a goal. There isn't even any clue as to what abilities he might have at his disposal. That's pretty significant. </p><p></p><p>Okay. Ingredient time. </p><p></p><p><strong>Infinite Loop.</strong> Even though <em>Toad</em> ties this ingredient in well with the others (as, indeed, all of the ingredients are well woven), and even though it's inclusion is necessary to the proposed plan of the adventure, it's interpretation is a bit of a stretch. The race is extended; nothing more. </p><p></p><p><em>Queen</em> provides a much more clever interpretation. Not only is the loop a ring, which literally has no beginning or end, it also is the central component in a ritual that grants immortality. Unfortunately, the ring is merely a MacGuffin, but at least it is only briefly so. </p><p></p><p>I'm tempted to call this a wash, but, given how close these entries are, I'd better be more definitive. Therefore, I'll lean toward the version that actually uses the ingredient. <em>Toad</em> incorporates it's delayed race very well, but it's not an infinite loop. </p><p></p><p><strong>Ice Frog.</strong> <em>Queen</em> uses it's frogs as a crucial aspect of Fadden's scheme (and personality), but I don't really get a feel for the necessity of their icy nature. Sure, it flavors the poison, but the adventure wouldn't suffer in the slightest if any other paralytic poison was used. </p><p></p><p><em>Toad</em> suffers a similar problem. Given that the adventure is a heist, the fact that it is merely a MacGuffin could be ignored, if only the diamond had some important reason to be a frog. But the adventure doesn't care what the shape is and that turns what amounts to the central ingredient of the piece into nothing more than scenery. Which is bad. </p><p></p><p><strong>Chapel of Wings.</strong> Neither entry provides a compelling reason why this ingredient should be featured prominently in it. In <em>Toad</em>, the victory flag could just as easily be at any other location in the city. </p><p></p><p><em>Queen</em> has more reason for being there--presumably an important piece of the ritual, but wings? I like the flavor that the owls give the setting and I get that the palace, chapel included, is on the back of a giant owl (for some reason), but I still don't understand how or why a Fey Lady astronomer dedicates a chapel to the birds (or their wings. Or whatever). The focus seems split between the stars and the owls. They make for good flavor, but the ingredient suffers for it. </p><p></p><p><strong>Astronomer's Husband.</strong> As good as the characters in <em>Toad</em> are (and they are--they provide lots of fodder for complicating things and for building future adventures on), we don't ever really get a sense of how important astronomy is to the adventure. Really, any royal title for the astronomer would suffice. </p><p></p><p><em>Queen</em> gives us something much more substantial; astronomy is so important to Feleira that her very marriages (and dissolutions thereof) are dictated by it, which leads to...well, everything. The (ex-)husband so generated is a constant factor throughout the adventure, even before the PCs become aware of him. And then, one of the PCs becomes the new husband as reward when all is said and done. </p><p></p><p>I have previously mentioned that including multiple versions of ingredients is a dangerous game to play. This is an example of how it can be done without splitting the focus and diluting both. It is not a case of throwing both out there and seeing which works; they both work well (and reinforce each other). </p><p></p><p><strong>Athletic Airship.</strong> The setting provided by a palace on the back of a giant owl is evocative and <em>really</em> cool. I just wish I could find some reason for it to be relevant to the adventure. But, alas, I can't. The only thing we get is the added hazard of having the paralyzed owl plummet from the sky during the frog-fight. </p><p></p><p>It's cool. I <em>want</em> to love it. But I want it to <em>matter</em>, too.</p><p></p><p>In contrast, <em>Toad</em> provides some very quirky athletic airships (in multiple ways--the design, the crews, and the function are all athletic) that serve as a tremendous backdrop for the adventure. Regrettably, potential player interaction with these airships is likely to be minimal. How cool would it have been to include one in the getaway plan? Missed opportunity notwithstanding, this entry does it better. </p><p></p><p><strong>Banal Competition.</strong> There is really nothing banal about either of these competitions. There is no part of a race amongst airships with flapping wings that is unoriginal. Nor is a contest to count the stars while atop a giant owl in flight. Trite, maybe. Pointless, maybe. Unoriginal? Nope. </p><p></p><p>Sure, in the context of the adventure, one is presented as such. And yet, it is the weakest presentation of the two. Why? In <em>Toad</em>, the ingredient serves merely as a setup for the background--it isn't even true of the diversionary event, since the heist changes it. <em>Queen</em> at least gives it to the players to do something with.</p><p></p><p>[sblock]Even as I wrote all of that, I kept reversing my decision at different points.</p><p></p><p>I really like the potential that <em>Toad</em> has for fun. It's a strong adventure. Stronger, I think, than <em>Queen</em>, even though the latter is pretty tight and no less evocative (giant oversight in providing Fadden's abilities notwithstanding). <em>Toad</em> has more going on and it's all very good. </p><p></p><p>Added to this, the ingredients all mesh well; they form a solid frame to rest the story on. All of which is why it breaks my heart a little to look back at my critique of the ingredients and note that <em>Queen</em> generally uses those ingredients in ways that fit better and are more relevant to the adventure. </p><p></p><p>I am forced to weigh the quality of the adventures against the ingredients they use. The thing is, <em>Queen</em> is also a good adventure and I think that the difference in quality between the adventures is not as great as the difference in how well the ingredients were used. </p><p></p><p>Consequently, my judgement falls toward MortalPlague. </p><p></p><p>...Which makes this a unanimous decision. MortalPlague will advance to the championship round to face either Waylander or Wicht.</p><p></p><p>At this point, I usually try to give the contestant who isn't advancing something to walk away with that is constructive, perhaps educational, and hopefully inspirational, but I don't think I have much in the way of advice for Gradine. </p><p></p><p>I was pretty impressed with both of Gradine's entries, particularly the subtle cleverness of the scenarios presented. You've already demonstrated an ability to weave your ingredients together well. I think if you can manage to do so just a bit more centrally (by which I mean "directly into the PCs' paths but not in a MacGuffiny way") into those aforementioned clever scenarios, you'll have a solid shot at winning one of these Tournaments.[/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rune, post: 6520634, member: 67"] [b]Round 2, Match 1: MortalPlague vs. Gradine[/b] What better way to begin the second round than with two solid adventures that couldn't be much more different in tone and structure? To be perfectly honest, I've read both entries multiple times and I haven't got the faintest idea yet which will stand out as the superior entry. I expect that the articulation of my analysis will provide clarity by the time I've finished. Because this is so, you can expect for my criticism to be a little harsher than it might otherwise be (although, some of the criticisms I intend to raise are pretty significant). This should not be misconstrued as disapproval of the adventures in general; I like them both. Structurally, though, both have issues that must be addressed. First, neither has a very compelling hook. Gradine's entry, [i]The Diamond Toad[/i] (henceforth, [i]Toad[/i]), glosses over a classic employment-hook. Being hired to participate in a heist for the history books ought to be compelling, but as with much of the adventure, it is either implied and assumed, or resolved offscreen, as it were. The only help the DM is given in actually playing out the interaction is the note that the PCs may be able to haggle for a better cut. That's it. MortalPlague's entry, [i]The Queen Under the Stars[/i] ([i]Queen[/i]), sends an invitation to a party. Intriguing, but easy to ignore if it's the only hook. Had the palace on the giant owl's back come to pick them up, [i]that[/i] would have been hard to pass up (and given it a purpose in the adventure, but we'll get to that). Once we get past that, though, things pick up. [i]Toad[/i] gives us a background and a plan, but provides PCs plenty of opportunity to adjust the plan and make preparations. It really feels like the build-up to a heist and I think would play out very well, especially for players who love to plan. Added to this, the plan as proposed has some unspoken difficulties that the party will have to identify and deal with. For instance, in order to accomplish both non-infiltration parts of the heist (making sure the victory flag stays out of play and actually stealing the sculpture(s)), they will either have to split the party or devise some other means of being in two places at once. Given the likelihood of meeting resistance at both locations, things could get tricky. And, on top of that, we are provided with some really good complications to make sure things stay interesting. Nice. On the other hand, [i]Queen[/i] is much more direct in its approach, even while it injects an element of intrigue straight into the heart of the story. We get a party, where the PCs get a chance to fit in--or not. Simultaneously, we get a dastardly scheme unfolding right under the PCs' noses and, importantly, which the PCs have a chance of foiling! And then we get what looks to be a very chaotic fight. Finally, to the victor goes what promises to be a [i]very[/i] entertaining reward. In general, we are provided with good assistance in running the adventure, but one gaping hole must be called out. We have [i]absolutely[/i] no instruction on how to run Fadden in the almost certain fight that will feature him. All we have is a name and a goal. There isn't even any clue as to what abilities he might have at his disposal. That's pretty significant. Okay. Ingredient time. [b]Infinite Loop.[/b] Even though [i]Toad[/i] ties this ingredient in well with the others (as, indeed, all of the ingredients are well woven), and even though it's inclusion is necessary to the proposed plan of the adventure, it's interpretation is a bit of a stretch. The race is extended; nothing more. [i]Queen[/i] provides a much more clever interpretation. Not only is the loop a ring, which literally has no beginning or end, it also is the central component in a ritual that grants immortality. Unfortunately, the ring is merely a MacGuffin, but at least it is only briefly so. I'm tempted to call this a wash, but, given how close these entries are, I'd better be more definitive. Therefore, I'll lean toward the version that actually uses the ingredient. [i]Toad[/i] incorporates it's delayed race very well, but it's not an infinite loop. [b]Ice Frog.[/b] [i]Queen[/i] uses it's frogs as a crucial aspect of Fadden's scheme (and personality), but I don't really get a feel for the necessity of their icy nature. Sure, it flavors the poison, but the adventure wouldn't suffer in the slightest if any other paralytic poison was used. [i]Toad[/i] suffers a similar problem. Given that the adventure is a heist, the fact that it is merely a MacGuffin could be ignored, if only the diamond had some important reason to be a frog. But the adventure doesn't care what the shape is and that turns what amounts to the central ingredient of the piece into nothing more than scenery. Which is bad. [b]Chapel of Wings.[/b] Neither entry provides a compelling reason why this ingredient should be featured prominently in it. In [i]Toad[/i], the victory flag could just as easily be at any other location in the city. [i]Queen[/i] has more reason for being there--presumably an important piece of the ritual, but wings? I like the flavor that the owls give the setting and I get that the palace, chapel included, is on the back of a giant owl (for some reason), but I still don't understand how or why a Fey Lady astronomer dedicates a chapel to the birds (or their wings. Or whatever). The focus seems split between the stars and the owls. They make for good flavor, but the ingredient suffers for it. [b]Astronomer's Husband.[/b] As good as the characters in [i]Toad[/i] are (and they are--they provide lots of fodder for complicating things and for building future adventures on), we don't ever really get a sense of how important astronomy is to the adventure. Really, any royal title for the astronomer would suffice. [i]Queen[/i] gives us something much more substantial; astronomy is so important to Feleira that her very marriages (and dissolutions thereof) are dictated by it, which leads to...well, everything. The (ex-)husband so generated is a constant factor throughout the adventure, even before the PCs become aware of him. And then, one of the PCs becomes the new husband as reward when all is said and done. I have previously mentioned that including multiple versions of ingredients is a dangerous game to play. This is an example of how it can be done without splitting the focus and diluting both. It is not a case of throwing both out there and seeing which works; they both work well (and reinforce each other). [b]Athletic Airship.[/b] The setting provided by a palace on the back of a giant owl is evocative and [i]really[/i] cool. I just wish I could find some reason for it to be relevant to the adventure. But, alas, I can't. The only thing we get is the added hazard of having the paralyzed owl plummet from the sky during the frog-fight. It's cool. I [i]want[/i] to love it. But I want it to [i]matter[/i], too. In contrast, [i]Toad[/i] provides some very quirky athletic airships (in multiple ways--the design, the crews, and the function are all athletic) that serve as a tremendous backdrop for the adventure. Regrettably, potential player interaction with these airships is likely to be minimal. How cool would it have been to include one in the getaway plan? Missed opportunity notwithstanding, this entry does it better. [b]Banal Competition.[/b] There is really nothing banal about either of these competitions. There is no part of a race amongst airships with flapping wings that is unoriginal. Nor is a contest to count the stars while atop a giant owl in flight. Trite, maybe. Pointless, maybe. Unoriginal? Nope. Sure, in the context of the adventure, one is presented as such. And yet, it is the weakest presentation of the two. Why? In [i]Toad[/i], the ingredient serves merely as a setup for the background--it isn't even true of the diversionary event, since the heist changes it. [i]Queen[/i] at least gives it to the players to do something with. [sblock]Even as I wrote all of that, I kept reversing my decision at different points. I really like the potential that [i]Toad[/i] has for fun. It's a strong adventure. Stronger, I think, than [i]Queen[/i], even though the latter is pretty tight and no less evocative (giant oversight in providing Fadden's abilities notwithstanding). [i]Toad[/i] has more going on and it's all very good. Added to this, the ingredients all mesh well; they form a solid frame to rest the story on. All of which is why it breaks my heart a little to look back at my critique of the ingredients and note that [i]Queen[/i] generally uses those ingredients in ways that fit better and are more relevant to the adventure. I am forced to weigh the quality of the adventures against the ingredients they use. The thing is, [i]Queen[/i] is also a good adventure and I think that the difference in quality between the adventures is not as great as the difference in how well the ingredients were used. Consequently, my judgement falls toward MortalPlague. ...Which makes this a unanimous decision. MortalPlague will advance to the championship round to face either Waylander or Wicht. At this point, I usually try to give the contestant who isn't advancing something to walk away with that is constructive, perhaps educational, and hopefully inspirational, but I don't think I have much in the way of advice for Gradine. I was pretty impressed with both of Gradine's entries, particularly the subtle cleverness of the scenarios presented. You've already demonstrated an ability to weave your ingredients together well. I think if you can manage to do so just a bit more centrally (by which I mean "directly into the PCs' paths but not in a MacGuffiny way") into those aforementioned clever scenarios, you'll have a solid shot at winning one of these Tournaments.[/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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