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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 6712872" data-attributes="member: 67">Judgement for Round 1, Match 2: Iron Sky vs. ImhotepthewiseLet me start by saying that I considered this to be the hardest of the first-round sets of ingredients. In particular, The End is a very vague and very big concept to deal with in such a limited number of words. And Unasked Question?I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I was so often (but not universally!) disappointed by how both of these entries used ingredients. In addition, both adventures are fairly linear, which, as I've said in the past, is not necessarily bad, but is necessarily limiting for the players and for the DM. We'll get back to that later. In Iron Sky's "The Last Act" (henceforth, "Act"), Faded Memory is what the fallen town(s) has become. It is completely removed from record. Redacted. This is a compelling backdrop and central to the adventure. Not so, unfortunately, in Imhotepthewise's "Might As Well Be Walking On The Sun" (which we'll call "Sun"--and, by the way, kudos for really taking advantage of the word-limit exemption with this title!). Herein, the faded memory is the origin of grandpa's knowledge of how to gain plot-relevant knowledge. Is that even going to get mentioned in passing? The ingredient may as well be non-existent. Moving on. I should not be surprised that I had such a difficult time identifying the Unasked Question in both of these entries. Both entries produce several questions I want to ask. But, as both entries should probably have explicitly done (especially with such a low word-limit), I'll narrow it down to one unasked question per entry. For "Act," the question is "What's going on?" And the answering of it is the adventure itself. So that works. In "Sun," the question would be the same, but for the aside about illithids at the beginning. The question then becomes "Why?" And the answer is not there--so, what could be a great hook for an ongoing campaign instead isn't. Worse, there is no way for the PCs to learn the answer to either question (or even know to ask the second).Both entries handle The End in much the same way. There are a lot of things that could apply and no lone thing that explicitly does. This is not generally a good practice in IRON DM. Even if you're going for a thematic approach (which both entries did) by having the ingredient resurface throughout the entry, you still should have one that is central to the adventure. Because otherwise, you don't. "Sun" gives us knowledge, but no Dangerous Knowledge. Nothing in the knowledge grandpa has is, in itself, dangerous; it merely is about dangerous things. In contrast, "Act" makes knowledge of (some of) what is going on actually physically dangerous in a fairly clever way: in the process of gaining that knowledge (and curiosity should ensure that it is likely), they become infected with the mold-rot. As long as they have a means of seeing that crazy-moldy-guy is diseased this hook ought to be both rat bastardly and effective. (Although it wouldn't work if ported over to D&D, because: paladins.)Rats and Brown Mold both play a prominent role in "Act" and are both pretty much just scenery in "Sun." In the one entry, everything plays out differently if the disease-carriers aren't (sentient) vermin and the mold is something different. In the other, nothing fundamentally changes if either is removed entirely. And why is it only rodents seeking to escape the sun? Wouldn't all animals be doing that? Why specifically call out rats?Okay. Let's get to the adventures. I said before that they were both linear. The difference, though is that, in "Act," the PCs have things to do. In "Sun," they don't even really need to be there. The events of the adventure would play out more or less the same way without them. Which is a shame. Because I really like the scenario. Exodus from an unstoppable and wide-ranging threat is a compelling change of pace from the typical fare. It has real potential to be remembered forever. Unfortunately, the work involved in getting it there is a real barrier. Especially when set beside "Act," which, while also linear, manages to be a solid adventure with a lot of great flavor (and I want to point out that the method of conveying a lot of that flavor and a great deal of background through the poetic introduction is both efficient and compelling).Imhotepthewise, you are very good at concocting unique and interesting scenarios. And you know how to set up an evocative scene. These are strengths that you can and should build on in future tournaments. I've sounded pretty harsh throughout this entire judgement, but I think you're actually not very far from potentially becoming a feared competitor. Here are the two things I think you would want to work on to make that happen:1: Make sure those ingredients are central to the adventure and irreplaceable. 2: Make sure of the same thing for the PCs. If you can do those things, everything else should follow naturally. Above all, keep building on your strengths! I look forward to seeing what kinds of out-of-the box scenarios you'll come up with. All that said, it's pretty clear that Iron Sky advances to Round 2.</blockquote>

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