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<blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 6731291" data-attributes="member: 67"><p><strong>Judgement for Round 2, Match 2: Iron Sky vs. Gradine</strong></p><p></p><p>I must confess to a certain degree of disappointment that neither entry in this match tried to tackle these ingredients in a more traditional fantasy adventure (since many people avoid the suggested themes in the genre). That said, both selections of setting work very well for their entries and the adventures that emerge both look to be quite fun. As usual, we'll explore the ingredients used before we examine those adventures in more depth. </p><p></p><p>First, the <strong>Un-funhouse</strong>. I've literally been waiting for <em>years</em> to see how entrants might use this ingredient. With no traditional definition to work with, the ingredient requires interpretation. Is it a house that isn't fun, or something that isn't a funhouse in any way? Or some other interpretation? In "The Fittest" ("Fit"), we have elements of a former funhouse turned into a home and not a hint of fun within. But those funhouse elements don't really add anything to the adventure. They're just scenery. That appears to be the case with "Laboratory #AAAAAA" ("Lab"), but the depiction of a funhouse that actively works against fun <em>does</em> add something to the adventure--a sense that the PCs are being observed (and manipulated) by sinister beings. Which, of course, is probably true. </p><p></p><p>But "Lab" doesn't really present us with much in the way of <strong>Regret</strong>. "Fit" uses the ingredient as a reinforcement of its themes and, cleverly, as the expected payoff for the completion of the adventure. </p><p></p><p>Its usage of the <strong>Defensive Position</strong> is also good, because it pretty much guarantees that, by the time the PCs get past it, stakes have been raised pretty high. It's one thing to cake-walk into a lair, be confronted with helpless innocents and maybe decide to be merciful. It's a harder decision when you only barely survived getting that far. But, "Lab" is just as good. It gives the position to the PCs and good reason to want to use it effectively, but punishes them for doing so. That's proper rat bastardy, right there. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, both entries use the <strong>Narrow Path</strong> in much the same, uninspired way (and there was such potential to tie it in thematically, too). In "Lab," we don't really have enough detail to do much with it and I have to wonder, in "Fit," would it be so hard for the PCs to just sweep the shards of glass aside, somehow?</p><p></p><p>"Lab" uses a couple of different versions of <strong>Blighted Crops</strong>. The first, the (single) blighting riding crop is a bit of a stretch. It could also be argued that the townsfolk, themselves, are a type of blighted crop for the Grays, who seek knowledge of corruption and evil in their human experiments. This, too, is a bit of a stretch, but an interesting one. The ingredient is used in a much more straightforward way in "Fit," but it also does something very important: it creates conflict--importantly, pretty much all of the conflict of the adventure. This, alone, would be pretty good, but "Fit" takes it a step further, adding an additional layer of conflict to the ingredient. But I do wish there was a clearer means of conveying the reveal that the mutants eat (only) the rot. As presented, it seems too easy to miss. </p><p></p><p>"Lab" also presents <strong>Gray Area</strong> in multiple ways. Thematically, it is present through its lack. Their isn't much ambiguity between good and evil, here. In fact, entry into the control room demands that distinction. As the control room of the Grays, itself, the ingredient works. As the area of earth that the Grays control (according to treaty), it is quite clever, indeed. But all of those pale next to the strong theme presented in "Fit." Even its use as a setting in that adventure reinforces the moral struggles that dominate the piece. This is unquestionably the strongest ingredient in the entry and serves as a framework for the entire adventure. </p><p></p><p>Alas, "Fit" doesn't find a way to fold <strong>Redeemable Evil</strong> into the adventure in a meaningful way--merely leaving the PCs to have to figure out whether or not their (expected) evil actions can be redeemed after everything is over. I say "expected," because I pretty quickly came up with another possibility that the entry doesn't seem to allude to. But I'll get back to that. In "Lab," the use is quite integral--and particularly clever, as well. Evil becomes a redeemable currency, which further defines the Grays as sinister and completely amoral (from a human perspective) scientists. Pretty much everything we know about them is through their actions and the actions of their experiments--which is a tremendously good way to give them character, while emphasizing their alien mindset. </p><p></p><p>So, we're reasonably close on ingredients. It's in the adventures, themselves, where the competition pulls away. </p><p></p><p>[sblock]Gradine, you've come a long way in two tournaments (four entries). And I say that as someone who was impressed with your work from the start. Although it hasn't been universal, I will say that I've noticed a tendency for you to lean on more linear adventures, however. This isn't inherently bad. It's just an extra challenge you are presenting yourself, because it's simply harder to write a <em>good</em> linear adventure than a good non-linear one. Here's why: in taking the trust away from the players and DM, you are putting the burden of presenting a Cool adventure on your own shoulders. If you merely provide Cool ingredients that fit together in a meaningful way, you can enable the players (and DM) to cook their own Cool with them. And, not only that, this gives them a sense of ownership over the Coolness, which is also Cool. </p><p></p><p>All that said, you're adventure <em>is</em> good. My main lament is that the only really interesting decision that the PCs face comes at the end. If you could have seeded the entire adventure with similar decisions, it would have been very, very good. </p><p></p><p>Now, I did want to say something about that final decision: namely that a third option (I think unintended by the author) is present. I think it entirely possible that the PCs could broker an agreement between the two peoples in which the rot was cultivated, but controlled with the chemical, so that both cultures could live in harmony. This would, of course, require diplomatic relations (and possibly overcoming a language barrier), which means more adventure, which is good. Unintended, or not, the fact that the option is <em>there</em> speaks well for the piece. Yup, it's good. </p><p></p><p>But sometimes, in IRON DM, good goes up against <em>great</em>, and that's what we have, here. Iron Sky didn't earn his championship pedigree through a fluke; he earned it through solid skills, and this entry showcases his skills at the top of his game. From the detail he gives his characters (which is perfect in form and function), to his carefully crafted synthesis of tone and adventure, to his well-handled field of player and DM options, this is an adventure that begs to be run. Certainly, it will make an appearance in the <a href="http://www.enworld.org/forum/showthread.php?322277-Iron-DM-Anthology" target="_blank">Iron DM Anthology</a> (which already has two past entries from Iron Sky, by the way). This is a truly superlative adventure. </p><p></p><p>Gradine, I don't think you're far off from a championship, now. I get the sense that any words of advice I could offer you would be less helpful than the analysis that I'm sure you're already doing. </p><p></p><p>This time, though, Iron Sky advances to the championship round.[/sblock]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rune, post: 6731291, member: 67"] [b]Judgement for Round 2, Match 2: Iron Sky vs. Gradine[/b] I must confess to a certain degree of disappointment that neither entry in this match tried to tackle these ingredients in a more traditional fantasy adventure (since many people avoid the suggested themes in the genre). That said, both selections of setting work very well for their entries and the adventures that emerge both look to be quite fun. As usual, we'll explore the ingredients used before we examine those adventures in more depth. First, the [b]Un-funhouse[/b]. I've literally been waiting for [i]years[/i] to see how entrants might use this ingredient. With no traditional definition to work with, the ingredient requires interpretation. Is it a house that isn't fun, or something that isn't a funhouse in any way? Or some other interpretation? In "The Fittest" ("Fit"), we have elements of a former funhouse turned into a home and not a hint of fun within. But those funhouse elements don't really add anything to the adventure. They're just scenery. That appears to be the case with "Laboratory #AAAAAA" ("Lab"), but the depiction of a funhouse that actively works against fun [i]does[/i] add something to the adventure--a sense that the PCs are being observed (and manipulated) by sinister beings. Which, of course, is probably true. But "Lab" doesn't really present us with much in the way of [b]Regret[/b]. "Fit" uses the ingredient as a reinforcement of its themes and, cleverly, as the expected payoff for the completion of the adventure. Its usage of the [b]Defensive Position[/b] is also good, because it pretty much guarantees that, by the time the PCs get past it, stakes have been raised pretty high. It's one thing to cake-walk into a lair, be confronted with helpless innocents and maybe decide to be merciful. It's a harder decision when you only barely survived getting that far. But, "Lab" is just as good. It gives the position to the PCs and good reason to want to use it effectively, but punishes them for doing so. That's proper rat bastardy, right there. Unfortunately, both entries use the [b]Narrow Path[/b] in much the same, uninspired way (and there was such potential to tie it in thematically, too). In "Lab," we don't really have enough detail to do much with it and I have to wonder, in "Fit," would it be so hard for the PCs to just sweep the shards of glass aside, somehow? "Lab" uses a couple of different versions of [b]Blighted Crops[/b]. The first, the (single) blighting riding crop is a bit of a stretch. It could also be argued that the townsfolk, themselves, are a type of blighted crop for the Grays, who seek knowledge of corruption and evil in their human experiments. This, too, is a bit of a stretch, but an interesting one. The ingredient is used in a much more straightforward way in "Fit," but it also does something very important: it creates conflict--importantly, pretty much all of the conflict of the adventure. This, alone, would be pretty good, but "Fit" takes it a step further, adding an additional layer of conflict to the ingredient. But I do wish there was a clearer means of conveying the reveal that the mutants eat (only) the rot. As presented, it seems too easy to miss. "Lab" also presents [b]Gray Area[/b] in multiple ways. Thematically, it is present through its lack. Their isn't much ambiguity between good and evil, here. In fact, entry into the control room demands that distinction. As the control room of the Grays, itself, the ingredient works. As the area of earth that the Grays control (according to treaty), it is quite clever, indeed. But all of those pale next to the strong theme presented in "Fit." Even its use as a setting in that adventure reinforces the moral struggles that dominate the piece. This is unquestionably the strongest ingredient in the entry and serves as a framework for the entire adventure. Alas, "Fit" doesn't find a way to fold [b]Redeemable Evil[/b] into the adventure in a meaningful way--merely leaving the PCs to have to figure out whether or not their (expected) evil actions can be redeemed after everything is over. I say "expected," because I pretty quickly came up with another possibility that the entry doesn't seem to allude to. But I'll get back to that. In "Lab," the use is quite integral--and particularly clever, as well. Evil becomes a redeemable currency, which further defines the Grays as sinister and completely amoral (from a human perspective) scientists. Pretty much everything we know about them is through their actions and the actions of their experiments--which is a tremendously good way to give them character, while emphasizing their alien mindset. So, we're reasonably close on ingredients. It's in the adventures, themselves, where the competition pulls away. [sblock]Gradine, you've come a long way in two tournaments (four entries). And I say that as someone who was impressed with your work from the start. Although it hasn't been universal, I will say that I've noticed a tendency for you to lean on more linear adventures, however. This isn't inherently bad. It's just an extra challenge you are presenting yourself, because it's simply harder to write a [i]good[/i] linear adventure than a good non-linear one. Here's why: in taking the trust away from the players and DM, you are putting the burden of presenting a Cool adventure on your own shoulders. If you merely provide Cool ingredients that fit together in a meaningful way, you can enable the players (and DM) to cook their own Cool with them. And, not only that, this gives them a sense of ownership over the Coolness, which is also Cool. All that said, you're adventure [i]is[/i] good. My main lament is that the only really interesting decision that the PCs face comes at the end. If you could have seeded the entire adventure with similar decisions, it would have been very, very good. Now, I did want to say something about that final decision: namely that a third option (I think unintended by the author) is present. I think it entirely possible that the PCs could broker an agreement between the two peoples in which the rot was cultivated, but controlled with the chemical, so that both cultures could live in harmony. This would, of course, require diplomatic relations (and possibly overcoming a language barrier), which means more adventure, which is good. Unintended, or not, the fact that the option is [i]there[/i] speaks well for the piece. Yup, it's good. But sometimes, in IRON DM, good goes up against [i]great[/i], and that's what we have, here. Iron Sky didn't earn his championship pedigree through a fluke; he earned it through solid skills, and this entry showcases his skills at the top of his game. From the detail he gives his characters (which is perfect in form and function), to his carefully crafted synthesis of tone and adventure, to his well-handled field of player and DM options, this is an adventure that begs to be run. Certainly, it will make an appearance in the [url=http://www.enworld.org/forum/showthread.php?322277-Iron-DM-Anthology]Iron DM Anthology[/url] (which already has two past entries from Iron Sky, by the way). This is a truly superlative adventure. Gradine, I don't think you're far off from a championship, now. I get the sense that any words of advice I could offer you would be less helpful than the analysis that I'm sure you're already doing. This time, though, Iron Sky advances to the championship round.[/sblock] [/QUOTE]
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