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Message: <blockquote data-quote="steeldragons" data-source="post: 6908923" data-attributes="member: 92511">Congratulations, Rune. Oh well. There's always next year. Look forward to reading the rest of the entries and future rounds.Interesting [maybe] that there was a period in the writing of this that I was thinking of going full on "Cult of he Reptile God" and use a naga for Mercy instead of a vamp. That wouldn't been kinda funny.RE: HorrorAll of the things that were mentioned in the judgement would have been GREAT/nice to have or do...while it was consciously meant to be pretty straightforward/linear on purpose.It's not possible (for me), in an coherent way, in 750 words. The very first run through of the "overview" took me to 660 words. hahaha! After chopping that BACK (not even the final version), my initial severely self-limiting complete write up came to 1044 words. Everything was significantly more descriptive. Then there was an additional segment of the adventure that got chopped (and might have been that connective element, IronSky was looking for). The swamp encounters, initially was a d8 (instead of d4). Would either of those things had made it seem less linear? Probably not significantly, no. Though it seems I should have left the Leech Mine a separate encounter (as it originally was) to insure the PCs would HAVE to run into it.It was, as Iron Sky noted, a simple delve that was intended to be a simple delve...a "5-room dungeon"...in a swamp, basically...but also something that could, hypothetically, be used as is or rolled into a larger more involved/further campaign.I guess my hopes that the leprechauns might be picked up as a secondary meaning for "bad lead" was a miscalculation. They originally had a lot more going on. But the "What are the leprechauns for?!" frustration of Iron Sky means, I suppose, they worked as intended on the "engage the players/make them wonder" level I was also going for... getting the players to ask that same question would/could fuel any number of future scenarios.   On the Golem: I'm sorry it wasn't tied to anything, but my first reading of "Bad Lead" in my head, immediately sounded as "led" [the metal]. I noticed right away, "Ohhh. bad 'leed.'" The error amused me, so I just went with the bad 'led.' Just thought it was funny.The tower was going to be individual encounters per floor.  Monsters had (severely truncated: AC, HP, attacka nd damage I think) stats. That all went the way of the dinosaur to get me to, roughly 820-something. And the rest was rewording and re-rewording and/or deleting sentences...and then a few more...and a few more...and lots of things (like any hope of explicating what Mercy is trying to do/accomplish) got thrown by the wayside. Fortunately before I even had to worry about it because I already knew I was way over. One thing, it seems I could have left in was the giant leech carcass strapped to the slab in the tower originally had "vegetative tendrils grafted to it." i was hoping leaving the seed and vegetative bits in the jars in the lab, maybe it would come across anyway. (the leeches were really just snacks: so, there, again, challenging the players, "Why is the vampire eating leeches? Maybe she's not evil? -she totally is and would rip your throat out as soon as look at you- but make the players wonder.) But at 756 words, you have to make the tough -judgement- calls. I needed those 5 words gone...or something else (that, ultimately, I deemed more important) wasn't going to be able to make sense. Would they have made a difference? Maybe not.The minefield that is editing. ANYwho, thank you [MENTION=60965]Iron Sky[/MENTION] for your thorough analyses and reasoned judgement. Thanks and congrats again [MENTION=67]Rune[/MENTION], again, for the round. Good luck in the next one.WRITE ON, IRON DMs!</blockquote>

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