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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 8167565" data-attributes="member: 67">Judgement for Round 2, Match 2: FitzTheRuke vs. Iron SkyI can’t help but get the feeling that Iron Sky’s “Postmortem” (“Post”) is going out of its way to be a challenging read. The mythic tone and the preponderance of obscure terminology more or less ensures multiple readings in order to catch hold of the details within the piece and, in the case of this weary judge, requires multiple definition-checks, lest an assumption of knowledge on my part supersedes the actual meaning of a term.I still don’t know what “Norsepunk” is supposed to be. Risky gambit, Iron Sky. We’ll see how well that strategy works out for you.On the other hand, FitzTheRuke’s “Race to the Bottom” (“Race”) is fairly clear and quick-reading. It presents a solid adventure (somewhat reminiscent of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, what with the slaves and the mine-cart chase and weird magic and all).It’s got some great sequences that are likely to be talked about for years to come. I do take issue with the presentation of one of my favorite elements within the adventure, but I’m getting ahead of myself.Let’s begin with ingredients:Right away, I’m fairly disappointed with both versions of the Window of Opportunity. Both entries seem to simply present a frame of time where the PCs can do a thing. “Race” does this with the possibility of combat. Twice.In “Post,” the window is a span of time that the PCs might have (depending on dice rolls) to prepare for a future leg of their quest.What a missed opportunity. When the judges present an ingredient than can be interpreted creatively, we’re providing our own window of opportunity for the authors to give us something new. Sure, it may not be the easiest ingredient to fit in, but, again...opportunity.Now, I am being a little unfair to “Post,” here. The Unlightable Lantern is all tied in with the Fates’ attempts to gain control over each others’ offspring and it’s broken windows are the impetus for them to use the PCs to achieve such (while the PCs take the opportunity to gain favor and be returned to life). I will begrudgingly admit that it is a pretty good implementation, if somewhat buried.Both entries use Nameless Things fairly well. “Post” presents us with entities who necessarily were never given names so that they could not be effected by the name-based weird magic (name-based, because it has to do with fate!). And these entities are ever-present within the adventure, since they serve both as patrons and antagonists. This is really cleverly incorporated.But I think I like “Race” better for this one. At first, the Nameless Things seem less important to the shape of things. And I definitely don’t like seeing the ingredients in a cauldron called out, as well, for no particularly relevant reason. That kind of thing makes me think the author wasn’t very confident in their own implementation of the ingredient.Fortunately, there’s something deeper going on here. The Nameless Things are actually townsfolk who have lost their memories (although the reader won’t know this for sure until the very end of the piece).This, in itself, is interesting, but because the PCs likely won’t know this, and because the Nameless Things are frequently used to attack the PCs throughout the adventure, we set up a deliciously likely situation wherein the players get to realize that they’ve been slaughtering the townsfolk, likely(?) without remorse (until the reveal).How about Weird Magic? “Race” gives us magic that is either redundantly weird (in that it is supernatural), or not really (in that it doesn’t seem fate-related, at all). I mean, I guess it’s kind of strange, but then, isn’t all magic? Really, I can’t figure out what qualifies the hag’s magic as weird. I don’ think it isn’t, but I’d like to see some explanation of how — and why — it is.On the other hand, Weird Magic is integral to “Post.” The fact that it is the magic of the Norns (Fates), inherently makes it weird. The fact that it therefore ties into the importance of names (and, hence, the importance of Nameless Things), is superb. The fact that it all matters to the PCs during the course of the adventure seals it. This is good.The Unlightable Lantern is a little tougher. In “Race” we have a magic item that is is the tool used to set events in motion (and maintain that motion). Its form as a lantern is significant because it is placed in the mine as a lure. The necessity of being unlightable is a little less clear.“Post” gives us a form that seems a little macguffiny. I’m not absolutely sure that it is, though. The lantern’s primary intended goal was to search the stars for a way to gain control of the uncontrollable Nameless Things (because: fate-magic). The fact that is unlightable plays a huge role in those entities’ power-struggle (and also prevents it from being used for its secondary purpose: to guide a fleet). I think I’ve got to hand this one to “Post.”“Post” gets the nod with the Occupied Mine, as well. It could pretty easily have just been the place where the PCs collect whichever macguffin they were after, but there are a couple of things that make this not so.First of all, the items aren’t macguffins. They each have important rituals that the PCs will need to perform with them that are relevant to their forms. Second, the mine has a lot going on in it, not least of which is an oppressed working-class who are disinclined to aid their oppressors by aiding the PCs.This presents a refreshing change of direction for the adventure and plenty of freedom for the PCs to work their way around it. Really nice.In contrast, the Occupied Mine makes a pretty interesting setting for a large chunk of “Race.” It serves as the hag’s lair and works. But it really doesn’t need to be a mine. I mean, we get a great chase sequence out of it, but the adventure doesn’t really care what kind of setting it is. It wouldn’t even really need to be subterranean, except, of course, for the utility of the Unlightable Lantern.How about the Old Ways? “Race” gives us some sealed paths connecting the coastal settlement with the dwarves’ abandoned mine. They are important in that they get the villain and PCs from one setting of the adventure to the next. I can’t really see how it is important that they are old, though.If they were still sealed, that would make sense, but they clearly aren’t. And why is that, by the way? Has Frau Klegg been using her Nameless Things to clear the path?What about the “Post” version? They are similarly the means for a race, but their ancient quality actually plays a significant role in the sequence, as the entry calls out their dilapidated state as the basis for peril (and sabotage). So that works a little better.And then there’s the Faster Car. I don’t know what a good version of this ingredient would have looked like, but these entries don’t have it.“Race” gives us a cart that grants advantage on the race checks but the most interesting thing here is that only two PCs can fit in it.“Post” gives a race in carts that someone will win in what will therefore have been the faster car. Ugh.“Race” is clearly the better of the two, but that doesn’t make it particularly good.Okay, so that’s...more one-sided than I was expecting. But that’s only half the story.Let’s talk about the shape of these adventures:Beginning with hooks and stakes.“Post” has the most specific hook imaginable. This tournament has seen adventures that take place after death before ([USER=59411]@Pour[/USER] ’s “<a href="https://www.enworld.org/threads/iron-dm-2011-rules-entries-judgements-commentary.308494/page-3#post-5634127" target="_blank">Expiation</a>” comes to mind), but I don’t remember any that require a TPK.I will note that, in general, this adventure seems well-designed to fit in with many different kinds of rules-sets. This is one area where that is less true; I’m not sure how frequent TPKs happen in most modern games.Still, if it applies, the PCs can’t really say no. (Speaking of which, is there any reason the Norns don’t use the weird magic on the PCs (who presumably have names) to compel them? Or maybe they are doing that?As for stakes, they are significant right from the start (at least the ones for the PCs are — those being the return to life). Significant, yes. But I definitely wouldn’t characterize them as clear.After that, what happens? The PCs choose one of three patrons/paths and set about performing a task to further their patron’s ends, while previously defeated rivals from life serve the other two, resulting in a three-way race.Now, I’m generally somewhat wary of split-path adventures; they often leave a lot of cool stuff outside of the players’ experience (and, in the worst cases, force the players to make an uneducated choice between multiple paths which aren’t equally cool). This is especially frustrating when all paths lead to the same result.Fortunately, “Post” does a few things to negate these downfalls. First, the different paths only superficially lead toward the same end. Because the Norns are trying to screw each other over, the PCs’ choice will play a big role in who ends up on top (because one of them will, at least for a while).Another thing it does is let the PCs witness their rivals’ efforts and also mess with them. So, in a way, the players get to experience all of the paths.And then, there’s something else that helps, too. The presentation of suggested complications, actions, encounters and whatnot is characteristically efficient and evocative.Because this presentation provides a good variety in a small chunk of easily scanned text, the DM gets a good picture of the types of things that can happen, or what they look like.They provide inspiration for the DM to elaborate upon, but they also provide an efficient format to convey some pretty important threads within the adventure.This is all very good stuff. And it allows an adventure that seems on its surface to be fundamentally a fetch-quest to mask a larger and more complex adventure within. That’s really cool.So why is it so hard to get through?Those things I mentioned at the start of this judgment? Those are good things. The epic register and the obscure vocabulary? They set a tone and suggest a setting in a manner far more efficient than any descriptive exposition could do. This is impressive.But it comes at a cost, and that cost is clarity. The adventure is quite good and the entry does a lot right to make it so, but it simply was not very enjoyable to read. I mean, I was still trying to identify ingredients were during my fourth pass.Frankly, I’m not sure that a casual read would be any better. And I’m especially skeptical that the players are going to follow along when the DM tries to deliver that block of exposition (which the DM has to modify!) at the start.It’s clearly been polished, but still feels rough. It’s a good adventure, but took me multiple reads to recognize it. I’m conflicted.Elsewhere:“Race” has a pretty decent hook (getting attacked by nameless things) which sets the groundwork for a strong reveal later. Once they get to town, they’ll learn about the stakes of the adventure, and those are pretty good, here. No complaints.The adventure certainly has some memorable sequences in it (the mine-chase being foremost). And it has a fair amount to do within it, although there are stretches of the adventure that seem somewhat linear.My main issue with the presentation of this adventure is tied in with its best part. The relationship between the nameless things and the missing townfolk has potential to be a world-class gut-punch, but it needs some fine-tuning.First, the players have to be given some hints along the way; as the adventure is written, I’m not sure it is reasonable to expect that they could figure things out on their own. How would they? The townsfolk sure don’t know. I guess they could figure it out when they start fooling around with the lamp. But maybe it could be clearer?Part of that is because the entry withholds that information from the DM, too, until the very end. This means that, even if the DM is wondering if they are the same as they read (as I found myself doing), it’s pretty easy to miss the conformation that they are.That’s going to make it harder for the DM to lay the groundwork to really make that reveal smart. Of course, a second reading fixes that, but it would have been better to put that information in the DM’s mind far earlier.This is a pretty good adventure with a lot of potential! I enjoyed it quite a bit.[spoiler]But I think it’s pretty clear that I can’t recommend it for advancement. Despite my significant criticisms of “Post,” there’s just no denying that it actually is an adventure that shows off the skills of an accomplished IRON DM.Not only is the adventure deceptively rich, but it’s ingredients are in general well-interwoven with each other. Even so, I’ll be honest. I didn’t think things would swing that way during the first few reads.[USER=59816]@FitzTheRuke[/USER], I think you may have overthought this one. Especially on those ingredients, which tend to lean toward cleverness at the expense of correlation. Happens to the best of us. Certainly, I’ve fallen into that trap more than a few times. You’ve shown skill, for sure.But, more importantly, you’ve got great instincts. I’m not kidding when I say that the fundamental premise of your entry is one of the best things to come out of this year’s tournament, so far.The hardest part of learning to write these entries is figuring out how to find the connections between the ingredients, especially when they don’t seem obvious.You may notice that the most successful competitors find ways to let those connections form the framework for the adventure, so they can focus on other aspects of writing. All while making them important to the PCs/adventure, of course. You’ve got that last part down pretty well. The rest will come. It’s never easy, but it gets easier.With all that said, I’m going to have to go with [USER=60965]@Iron Sky[/USER] on this one....But the other judges have spoken, and I’m the odd one out, this time.Therefore, by a 2:1 decision, FitzTheRuke advances to the Championship Round!Congratulations![/spoiler]</blockquote>

Verification