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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 9785995" data-attributes="member: 67">Rune’s Judgement for IRON DM 2025 Round 2, Match 2: Fenris-77 vs GMMichaelOverviewWith this match, we have two adventures that differ in setting, style, and even tone. GMMichael’s A Convenient Prophecy (“Prophecy”) is a fairly simple investigation into what ultimately turns out to be a hoax perpetrated by a grifter. Fenris-77’s Lavender Vortex of the Barista God (“Vortex”) gives us this year’s second vehicle-based race in its second Troika adventure. This entry presents a blend of gonzo and silly elements and is written in a cadence and voice reminiscent of Douglas Adams (although this is subtle enough that I only noticed after a few rereads).Hooks and Stakes“Vortex” presumes that the PCs are contestants in a competition to save a flying yacht-city from an explosion powerful enough to wipe out everything in at least the local star system, if not others as well. As a reward for success (and victory), the PCs can expect wealth (also, I assume, through gambling on the outcome of the competition, if they are so inclined).“Prophecy” provides varied hooks that are all well-designed to draw the PCs straight toward its mystery scenario. Conflict is inevitable, as the villain (an easy-to-hate, arrogant con-artist) will proactively bring it to them if they simply walk away. Rewards for exposing him include monetary gain and his home (with easy access to a relaxing beach). But the stakes of this adventure seem low. If the PCs never show up, the grift continues and nothing really changes.Structure“Prophecy” is a bit sandboxy, but sparse. Fundamentally, the PCs might do a few chores for the villain, investigate his place while he’s away, expose and then fight him.“Vortex” seems to have a lot more going on within the bounds of its race. PCs will want to seek out coffee-fuel (possibly multiple kinds) and will likely have numerous encounters (some with likely conflict) in the course of the scenario. Finally, they will have to brave a vortex of wind, water, and bees. Given that “Vortex” is fundamentally a race, it is impressive that all of this is presented in such a nonlinear package.IngredientsMcGuffin of Certain DoomBefore I begin I want to point out that this was a particularly difficult ingredient to deal with. A McGuffin isn’t just a thing that drives the plot (generally by being wanted). It is otherwise insignificant. It holds no inherent properties. The whole point of it as a literary device is to be entirely replaceable with any other similarly insignificant thing. Which, of course, is the opposite of what we look for in an IRON DM ingredient.And then there’s the rest of the ingredient. McGuffin is modified with an intrinsic and significant quality. This ingredient contradicts itself. So what’s the solution? Something has got to give. This isn’t a case where we could expect a perfect use. The question is, which entry makes the most of it?In “Vortex” we have the Rainbow Interface, which needs a security update to prevent its catastrophic explosion. That takes care of the “of Certain Doom” part, but it isn’t really the thing people are after. That would be the cipher that needs to be input. The stakes are great, but neither Interface, nor cipher, would function the same if they were other things. They are not McGuffins.How did “Prophecy” do? I’m not even sure what is meant to be the McGuffin that drives the plot. Is it the hoax-demon? The prophecy? Denris’s eye? I don’t get a sense of certain doom from any of it, but at least the actual nature of whatever it is doesn’t seem to matter much.Let’s see, here. Hoax-demon: designed to fit a prophecy, but any other prophecy (pre-existing or made-up) would suffice. The prophecy is of interest to Guffy, but most everyone else seems content to take Denris’s word for it. It really could be anything that convinces Lady Bea she needs Denris, but it must be something that does. And how about the eye? I’m not even sure how it matters to the adventure at all (I’ll get to this again). It certainly doesn’t seem to drive the plot. I keep feeling that I’m missing something here, but it’s all too fuzzy.“Vortex” gets this one.Seaside Showdown“Prophecy” gives us a final showdown when the PCs confront Denris on the beach (as described in the “Resolutions” section – he flees if they catch him before then).The showdown in “Vortex” is, I suppose, the whole contest (unless it is meant to be the dogfight within the vortex that might randomly come up). It takes place in the heavens, over water, and around/over a mountain. But not, as near as I can tell, on a seaside. Even the spectators gathered for the finale do so at a lakeside!It’s simple, but “Prophecy” is a better fit.Ornate Ornithopter“Vortex” has two ornithopters. They have a very interesting design (being fueled by coffee and poetry). Given the pomposity of everything else related to the contest, they must be ostentatious indeed. But that doesn’t seem particularly necessary to the adventure.In “Prophecy”, there is a contraption whose ornate appearance is designed to sell the illusion of a fraud. If the ingredient were any other thing, or looked any other way, it would not function in the adventure as it does.This is the strongest ingredient “Prophecy” provides and it certainly comes out ahead, here.Sack of Coffee Beans“Prophecy” has Denris use the coffee beans (those he doesn’t consume) to simulate wasp-demon droppings. The sack is not so important other than the possibility of it serving as evidence along the path to the truth.“Vortex” uses its coffee beans to fuel the ornithopters. We get three different flavors, each with a distinct mechanical effect. The sack is a handy way to store the multiplicity of coffee beans the PCs are likely to accrue.“Vortex” has the stronger use.Mediocre PoetThe Mediocre Poet in “Vortex” is Benedictum, Lesser God of Being Less Cool Than He Thinks He Is. His personality infects the whole of the yacht-city, right down to the population of self-important academics and their semi-sentient poetry-consuming ornithopters. His mediocrity is not a necessary component in the structure of the adventure, but it is inescapable.In “Prophecy” we have Guffy who is an unsuccessful (but ambitious) poet seeking inspiration through prophecy. I’m unsure what connection poetry has with prophecy within the adventure. It feels like there should be more here, but I’m just not seeing it. It kind of feels like a missed opportunity. Which I guess kind of fits the ingredient.But I have to give it to “Vortex”, anyway.Eye of the Bee Holder“Prophecy” gives us Denris and his remaining eye holding a wasp-like demon at bay (but not really). Or maybe the ingredient is meant to be the missing eye. Either way, I’m not sure of their importance to the adventure. Are they meant to fulfill the prophecy somehow? Frankly, I can’t make any sense of the prophecy at all. Which seems like another missed opportunity. If the arrogance and laziness of Denris had brought about some prophesied comeuppance (especially at the hands of the PCs), it could have felt very rewarding.Whereas, in “Vortex” this ingredient is manifested as a calm center within the titular vortex (of bees!). It’s simple, but better.Wind TunnelIn “Vortex” this is the eye, wherein lies the goal of the adventure.This is the cave in “Prophecy” that is meant to hold/conceal the hoax-demon and through which the ornithopter’s wings push a stream of winds. It is through here, ultimately, that the PCs will find answers.I find both of these uses equally sufficient.[spoiler=Final Judgement<img src="http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/devious.png"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":]" title="Devious    :]" data-shortname=":]" />Lavender Vortex of the Barista God is a tight adventure with a lot of fun packed inside. It makes better use of a very challenging set of ingredients.I like A Convenient Prophecy. It provides a very interesting scenario and some fun NPCs to interact with. It has good hooks and allows for different problem-solving approaches. However, I feel like it could use some tinkering before it gets to the table. If I were to run it, I’d try to explore the slightly-implied connection between poetry and prophesy and I’d try to make the prophesy more relevant, especially incorporating the PCs actions (or lack thereof) in some way.  It would take much tinkering. This entry has a solid foundation and some really good elements in it.I do not know which contestant will advance to the next round, but you both have shown yourselves capable of meeting the challenge. Again, for the spectators: this was a tough set of ingredients!Fenris-77, I think you’ve got a handle on your style of IRON DM-writing. I doubt any advice of mine would add much. GMMichael, I think you probably know what you’re doing, too. You’re entry seems a little unpolished, but I expect that you ran up against the time-limit pretty hard. Perhaps you would have been better off taking an extra hour to polish (and trim as necessary). Perhaps not. If you advance (and in future tournaments), consider focusing on making your ingredients a little more relevant to the PCs’ actions during the course of the game. Even if you’re having trouble making something fit, often a well-integrated, but loosely-interpreted ingredient is better than the reverse.For now, I submit Fenris-77 for advancement to Round 3.[/spoiler]</blockquote>

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